Well, here we are at the halfway point, and we're starting to separate the men from the boys...the good from the bad...the "With the 1st pick of the draft..." from the "well, they snuck into the playoffs..." And if you've been paying attention, I ran through a quick breakdown of all the teams at the midseason mark, so I won't go into that here.
Next, if any of the below seems strange, odd, out of place...well, let me just say when you're in a house that is full of people with head colds, and one of those people is a toddler...there's not much sleep, there's a lot of wishing that you could sleep...and there's a lot of snot.
On that, let's get onto the picks...mostly so I can get some sleep...
Green Bay at Buffalo
Here's a simple rule I have...at least now I have it...don't bet against Brett Favre when Dick Jauron is pacing the other sideline. Favre is on the last leg of his career, but Madden's boyfriend can still light up a poorly coached team...and, um...well, did I mention that Dick Jauron was involved?
Favre gets the win, and Losman does his impersonation of Young Favre...before he figured out how to throw to his own WRs...and Jauron relives his Bears days when the Pack would kick him right between the legs. Lucky for Jauron, there has never been anything there.
Miami at Chicago
This one is quick...
Miami comes into a cold windy Chicago...and they never do good in the cold.
There's a guy named Joey playing QB...and he's never looked good against the Bears.
And the Bears go on the road for 3 big games after this...they'll leave the Home crowd wanting more.
Bears by a lot...and Joey's piano hands get broken went he's t-boned by Urlacher and Tommie Harris.
Atlanta at Detroit
When Rod Marenelli was in Tampa, they had Vick's number something fierce...they would just make him look silly. Can Rod get his Lions to do what the Bucs could?
Well, there's 2 problems here...
First, both Vick and the Falcons figured out how to best use his amazing talents, and they've looked unstoppable on offense.
Second, um...well, how do I phrase this nicely...the Lions don't have the horses. That's the nice way of saying, this team sucks. That's what happens when you waste 3 straight picks on WRs that all go nowhere.
The Falcons run the Lions out of Ford Field...and the heat gets cranked up another notch on Millen.
Kansas City at St. Louis
This is an old fashion RB duel. Johnson. Jackson. Both replacing legends...both are more power than flash...and both are racking up the yards. I wouldn't be shocked to see these 2 combine for 300 yards in this game....but they won't decide the game...
Nah, that will be the Chiefs D vs Bulger. See here's what last week's game against the Hawks proved to me about the Chiefs...their Pass D is not good...and Herm Edwards sucks at teaching teams how to win. His teams don't play smart, cause he doesn't coach smart. And the end of the Hawks game was a perfect example. The punter should of gotten down, instead of trying to weakly throw the ball, and fumbling it away...and Jared Allen should of gotten down when he intercepted the ball. They are simple plays, but those types of failures are windows into the weakness of the coaching staff...think about...would you ever see the Pats make mental mistakes like that?
Bulger's arm proves to be too much for the Chiefs...even with an amazing showing by both backs...and Herm Edwards takes his hands off his throat long enough to toss a clipboard.
Houston at NY Giants
Is it Sage or Carr? Does it matter?
The answer is no. Either way, the secret to beating the Texans...wait, it's not really a secret, everyone knows how to do it...basically, just hit the QB, they let you do it a lot, and that seems to work for everyone.
The Giants only problem could be lookin' ahead to the big game next week...but with the home crowd there, that shouldn't happen.
Giants win, Sage plays...and Mario...never sniffs Manning..
New Orleans at Tampa Bay
Wow, so here we have the New Orleans Karma vs the Gradkowski magic....what happens?
The Saints didn't look so hot last week against the Ravens. That Bush fumble was really sad looking...looked like what happens when you were playing football in grade school, and the kid that's afraid to get hit has the ball, and he's dead to rights...and instead of getting tackled, he heaves the ball over his shoulder and runs...and then you all chase after him and rub his face in the mud. God I hate the taste of m...I mean, serves the little wuss right!
Where was I? Right, Tampa...here's how I see this going down...
The Tampa D is going to be ready for the Challenge. They're going to hold down the Saints Offense for the most part...nothing spectacular, but they'll make things hard. And B-Grad...the dude needs a nickname...works his magic at the end, and the Bucs pull out a close one at home.
Dallas at Washington
Okay, so the hell knew that Tony Romo could play? Seriously, anyone? Okay, Dallas fans, put your hands down...you thought he could play...but no one new it. But there he was, doing his impersonation of a real live NFL QB. And TO was all smiles.
And Dallas looks like it's back on track, and now they have an easy game with the Skins...ah, another notch in the belt.
Hold that thought...the ‘Boys were lucky to get that last win. Those 3 turnovers in the 2nd half...those were lucky to get...the ‘Boys definitely didn't go in there and just beat the snot out of the Panthers. And the Skins had a week off to think about things...
The Skins pull the upset...Gibbs beats up his old enemy...TO blows up on Romo, tells him to go back to his daddy's resturaunt...Romo has no clue what he's talking about. Bledsoe laughs like he knows what TO is saying, and gives him one of those pathetic "come on, I'm your bud" high fives...TO just grunts and sulks away.
Tennessee at Jacksonville
The Jags looked good against the Eagles last week...wasn't the prettiest game ever, but it was Jags football, play tough D, run the ball, control the clock, play smart...not too bad.
Vince Young is turning things around, but he's running into a darn good D, and those Tackles are going to make him earn his lunch. Young is going to suffer a minor setback in his rise to the top...
Jags grind another out...people start to say, "Why haven't we been playing Garrard all along?"
Cincinnati at Baltimore
Before I get to this game, I have to do a test of the emergency broadcast system, sorry, this is only a test...
If this had been a real emergency, you would of received instructions how to protect your QB against a ferocious Defense that is playing an important division game at home.
Carson, seriously man, take some extra pain killers, do some extra stretches, hell, even fake the flu or something...your line is not protecting you, and they'll be facing a team that enjoys beating the hell out of the opposing QB.
Carson spends the majority of the game with Ravens hitting him, or in his face. Meanwhile, the Ravens just pound the ball into the weak Bengals run D...and Stevie does the rest...and Brian Billick wonders why in god's name he ever hired Fassel in the first place.
Minnesota at San Francisco
The Vikes are pissed after getting embarrassed on MNF against the Pats.
The 49ers are pissed that they suck.
Which one of those puts more fear in your heart?
Vikes win this one easy, for a week Brad Johnson looks like he's a young man again...Mike Nolan spend the second half wondering what he did to offend the football gods, and how he's going to spend that top 5 pick in the draft.
Denver at Pittsburgh
Let's see...the Champs are playing terrible...the Broncos have a hard time beating the Steelers...
I really want to say that the Steelers pull this one off. I want to say that Willie Parker, Big Ben, and Hines put on a clinic out there...and Troy the Dreaded one, puts a hurting on the Bronocs...
I really want to say all those things...
But it's not going to happen. The Bronocs are too good on D, and their O proved they can show some life last week. Plummer buys another week for his starting job.
Cleveland at San Diego
Well, the Browns pulled off a big win last week. I wish I could give you the details, but I don't think they even played any highlights of that game. Years from now, no one will remember this season of football ever happened for the Browns...it will just disappear...like Bam Morris' short lived Bears career.
Meanwhile, Marty will be reminded of all his near misses with the Browns all those years ago. He'll be reminded, that he still coaches the game like a total wuss. He'll be reminded of these things...and you know what he'll do?
Coach the game like a wuss.
Won't matter though, the Chargers massive edge in talent wins this one...and we're another game closer to being done with the most boring season by the lake.
Indianapolis at New England
This is the game of the week...the game everyone has circled on the calendars...the game ESPN is hyping beyond belief...the showdown of the 2 best QB's to ever play? Please. Sorry, but when you talk about a great QB...and even more so, when you talk about the Greatest QB...you must start the conversation with rings...and only Brady has the required hardware for that. Manning needs to at least get to a Super Bowl to enter the conversation. But he's not going to do that, cause in big games, he can be counted on to get flustered and choke.
Sorry, it's just a fact of life. The guy is amazing...until he's in the big pressure game...it's been his MO all his life...remember back at Tennessee? Always got his teeth handed to him by Florida. Sorry, it's not something you can teach or learn...you either have it or you don't...Montana had it, Favre had it, Brady has it. Manning, sorry man...you've got the numbers though...talk to Marino about how cool that is.
Pats win again...Manning looks confused...Brady looks like a winner...Belichick looks like he just piped bombed a church...
Oakland at Seattle
Hawks fans...be very afraid of this game...seriously, be nervous. Here's why...
The Raiders D is starting to get a head of steam. They have a great pass defense, and guess what, that's the strength of the Hawks right now. And with a newbie behind center, there could be some issues...
And while, the Raiders Offense isn't the greatest, the Hawks D is getting smacked around right now.
Here's the good news, the Hawks are at home...and the Raiders are still the Raiders. The Hawks win in a game that's a lot closer than any Hawks fan feels comfortable with. And seriously, I think this is the game that Art Shell blinks...I've put money on it, and at 125-1, I feel I got good odds.
Well, that's how I see them. But remember, I've only have 5 hours of sleep in the last 24 hours, I've had about 12 cups of herbal tea, and my head is pounding...so this is really just a best guess...
Here are Shaun's picks as well, for a different opinion on things...