I realize that it's Monday and you're getting back into the swing of things. For some of you, you had a long hiatus from work or school. Whatever. Get over it. Speaking of which, I have just the thing for you. If you think you have it bad, look at these chumps...or in some cases chimps.
Life is all a matter of perspective. You have to build yourself up and have high self esteem. I mean how else do you think an aging journeyman QB like Jon Kitna had the stones to claim his team was going to have ten wins? Self esteem baby!
Still not convinced? You don't have to be big and tough to have that "swag" as Esco calls it. Just dress the part and talk the talk. Don't believe me? Maybe these rumbling biker chicks will knock some sense into you.
Now I know how you must have felt this morning trying to get your lazy bones out of bed or rock, whichever applies. No doubt I feel pity for whomever had to see that bright shiny face first thing. But I bet they told you something like this:
Now don't get all offended. I'm sure that poor soul will grow back their nose hairs in a few months. Of course don't forget that along with breath mints it always helps to stay away from garlic, onions, and licking yourself like this little waif below:
Then again if you hang out with someone with chronic halitosis like that you deserve to be breathing in the bad fumes. Speaking of bad fumes, I am seriously curious about this next guy who was definitely not using his hands as the rules of soccer dictate. But I'm sure he could have had the same propulsion power without stinking up the game ball.
Since we're on the topic of interfering with the game ball, I'm sure there are many of you that remember that infamous Bartman incident in Chicago a few years back. Well I'd advise not getting too close to the fans in Chi-town, becuase the spirit of Bartman lives.
Fans are an integral part of the game. Without them what's the point of competing. But some fans get a little too attached to their team, favorite player, or coach. I mean look at this guy who probably had a quick tryst with the KU football coach and is literally airing his dirty laundry for all to see. Get a TRO Mangino, it's the only way he'll leave you alone!
Since I'm giving out advice relating to Temporary Restraining Orders, I think this "Ice Girl" might want to look over her shoulder once in a while to be sure she's not being stalked. Nevermind, I'm sure he was just staring at her fine pair of skates.
If you like the picture of that babe, you'll love the next two posters coming up. Down boy, down...not that kind of babe. This tyke must have been watching the Wildcard games this weekend, especially when Haynesworth made that gratuitous hit on Rivers.
Then again, that kid might have been talking about himself judging from the slobber flowing from his gaping jaw. I bet the kid is named Droolius Ceasar. Now this next tot is a real hard case. I think he's the brother of the kid from my last pictorial blog who TD'd Mario Bros. I wouldn't recommend messing with this one though, he knows how to talk smack.
The kid talks like Merriman and Shannon Sharpe! If you want the polar opposite of smack talk and good throwdowning you'll have to go countryside to those crazy cows who just don't know how to come up with anything witty. What would you expect from someone who can't spell "More" or "Chikn"?
Of course it's one thing to talk smack about pwning someone, and another to do it. But what better creature to pwn someone than a rampaging bull who's ticked off about some brokeback cowboy tying a knot to his bovine jewels?
Now that Bull was cruel, and gave it to that buckaroo real badly. But you have to admire an animal who can play with his prey and mess with 'em. If I was in this rodeo I think I'd look into a new pair of shorts and a different line of work.
Ouch! I bet the medics will need the Jaws of Life to get those skivvies out. But that's not the worst that can happen at a Rodeo. I mean this poor guy thought he was bullriding, but instead he wound up getting an exam Vince Wilfork style. I doubt this guy's sitting down any time soon!
Of course the bulls wouldn't be so hostile if they weren't teased and goaded by fancy pants pretty boys like this guy. He's no Frank Caliendo to be sure. Someone should have told him to watch Scarface before trying to imitate Pacino.
Now for the radom poor segue of the blog. I might have mentioned Vince Wilfork earlier, and for those of you who don't remember that final game of the year when ole Vinny was punctuating his point by poking Brandon Jacobs. Evidently Wilfork has started an international school of tackling. It's the only way I can explain how some guy playing rugby half way around the world is using the same tactic!
I'm betting that poor chump will be in need of some serious pain relief when he's done. He should probably look up this fine animal who has the hook up on "medicinal" whacky tobaccy. Talk about your 420 friendly animals. Now we know why the University of Minnesota dropped off the radar in the Big 10 play this season!
This isn't the first time someone in MN sports has been busted for foreign substances in the bloodstream. So the NFL and NCAA have been pioneering a new generation of specialists to administer the drug tests for them. Needless to say these nurses are quite adept at catching the right scent.
Speaking of Kittys, I decided to consult a feline critic for feedback on my blog before I published it. Unfortunately I should have bribed it with some Meow Mix or something.
I'm telling you. Everyone's a critic! Now that I've heard the Calico's comments, let's hear yours. But be gentle eh? Try to be kind and sweet like this little curly tailed porker. Cheers and have a great week.