pharaoh's Blog
  • 07:12 PM ET  01.14
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Fans I hate the most.

            These are in no specific order, other than how they came into my mind.

 

Gator fan.

This obnoxious beast has been particularly annoying for the last two years. With two basketball championships, an out of nowhere football championship and **** tale Heisman trophy winner, you can only imagine the talk.

You think the timtebowfacts.com website is false, but that is what the people down here believe. You know that he is from Jacksonville, don’t you? (Vomit)

Buckeye fan.

It is kind of funny, but there don’t seem to be as many of them as there used to be. Despite playing for two football championships in a row, and a basketball championship to boot, these jackasses have all but gone into hiding. In fact, they are no fun to pick on anymore.

Colt fan.

I have a hard time picking on Colt fan, because mostly they are women. Generally, colt fan cannot tell you anyone on the team other than Peyton Manning. In fact, most think that Manning invented the Colts.

With this is the hanger on Volunteer fan. These are the people who have had man-love for Manning since he was in college, despite the fact that he blew every big game in college.

Most of these people look at you funny when you say Baltimore Colts when talking about the past.

Yankee fan.

26 championships. You were alive for what, 2 maybe 3? Definitely not more than 5.

You have never been to Yankee Stadium. Had you been, you would have a permanent scar from the beating you would take.

You favorite Yankee of all time is A-wad or Jeter.

You are incredibly upset about the things they say about Clemens, Giambi, A-wad. There is no way any of that can be true.

It doesn’t bother you that your team has for the most part, led to the destruction of the American Pastime as we all used to know it.

Patriots/Red Sox/Celtic fan.

If you are a long-suffering fan of these teams, this isn’t about you. This is about the fan who doesn’t know the squatting guy, buckner, bird teams of old. If you didn’t know that Belichick was an assistant coach under Parcells at the Pats, you aren’t a fan. If you don’t remember when the Sox used to finish behind both Toronto and Baltimore you aren’t a fan. I don’t even have to go into the Celtics, because until recently you didn’t even know they had a team.

The new Boston fan is very thin-skinned, particularly about cheating, HGH or stuck up players. Kind of sounds like Yankee fan, doesn’t it?

SEC fan (this includes anyone who makes an argument about how good their conference is).

All of these people believe that all 12 teams are the best football teams, in order. Then every other team falls behind them.

They will tell you how good Vanderbilt and Ole Miss are.

They have never seen any other conference play, other than maybe the ACC and Notre Dame if their rabbit ears pick up NBC.

Really love the late evening televised game. This is not because they can watch in HD, but they can tailgate from noon from the RV.

Have nothing better to do than show up in the spring for a scrimmage, with a new coach named Satan or something.

Red Wing fan.

Hockey Town. What is that all about? Shouldn’t Montreal be Hockey Town. I am not a Habs fan, but haven’t they won twice as many championships? Maybe they are just not so pretentious as to call themselves “HockeyTown”.

Red Wing fan cannot tell you anything about the “Dead Thing” era that preceded the “Russian Invasion”. If you are a Wing fan and don’t know what I am talking about, go burn all of your gear. You are not worthy.

If you don’t know what “Original 6” means, burn your gear. You are a loser.

Philly fan.

Okay, this isn’t so much hate as it is pity.

You are a diehard Philly fan if you honestly say that you are a Philly fan. It must be hard.

No teams on the planet can be so hyped and let a group of people down so many times, and yet you people keep coming back.

When you tell me you are a Philly fan and I respond “I am sorry”, it is not meant with disrespect. As a Raider fan, I can feel some of your pain. At least they are only one team. I can’t imaging four.

NASCAR fan.

Lighten up already. Sport your driver’s gear, root for your driver, but stop with the bully **** for people who happen to like other drivers.

Note this. There are 43 guys who start every week. That means 42 of those guy are not your guy. Getting into a fight with someone over their driver is kind of like fighting someone because they like Tom Petty instead of Skynrd. (this is a bad example, since I have seen this…at the Daytona 500).

Cheer when a guy who is not their driver wrecks their car. This is like cheering when your mother-in-law gets hit in the face with a baseball bat. (I have…errr, nevermind).

Generally is polite enough for the first 5 hours in the infield, then becomes a crazed psycho at the utterance of “gentlemen, start your engines…”.

Soccer fan.

I will tolerate listening to euro’s on vacation talking about soccer. I will not tolerate someone who lives here talking about it.

Men’s soccer is brutal to watch. I would rather watch 10 year olds play. At least they are more mature.

The elitist soccer fan tells you that they are the most conditioned players in the world. Hold up, I played in my early teens and was only running about half of the time on the half of the field. The pros seem to do less than that. Sorry, I will take hockey over soccer. If soccer were played like hockey, more people would watch.

Hockey is such a communist sport. If a pass is kicked such that the offensive players takes the ball behind a defensive player, it is deemed offsides. (What?) Are you kidding me. This rule dictates that there is no such thing as a breakaway. Can you imagine basketball or hockey without the break? Seriously. ****.

MMA fan.

This is not a sport.

I am trying to figure out why it is illegal to fight dogs in a ring, but the fastest growing sport is MMA.

When Joe Rogan is your sports “face” you aren’t good.

Ditto Jay Glazer.

It is like boxing, except shorter, bloodier and similar to WWE.

Notre Dame fan.

Not much to say here. I actually hate this team, so it should be obvious that I hate their fans too.

These people didn’t understand why the Irish didn’t get to play in a bowl game this year.

These people also do not need cable. They can watch their team on NBC (home games) or away games (ABC).

Can’t give you 5 people who played in South Bend.

 

 

January 14, 2008  08:02 PM ET

Good blog.

LOL at the Tebow website.

January 14, 2008  08:59 PM ET

Funny as hell. Only one I had a problem with you saying was the Gator fan, but thats probably because you are a Georgia fan. And all that Tebow stuff is real, isn't it?

January 14, 2008  09:08 PM ET

AHEM!!! We're still here. And "these jackasses"?! Really?! Which do you wish to be-- the pot or the kettle?

I hated the Colts for a long time right after the move, but I DO love Dungy, Marvin, and of course my boy Gonzo as well as Peyton... There-- I mentioned two other players and the head coach-- good enough for you? ;)

As for the REST of your post... I pretty much liked it.

:)

January 15, 2008  09:35 PM ET

buckeyes are cool. you can scratch them on concrete and then burn someone with them, when you are 10

January 15, 2008  09:36 PM ET

Not a Georgia fan. The South Carolina uni's and the FSU bravado seem kind of gatorish, don't they?

 
January 15, 2008  09:37 PM ET

P:issburgh and the gators...how is that possible?

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