(As always, the following stories are not real, just funny)
Manning's switch places LITERALLY
(This isn't the first time Peyton has worn a costume)
The New York Giants have been on quite a roll lately. A large part of that success has been the great play of QB Eli Manning. But to the shock of many Giants fans and players it turns out that Eli's older brother Peyton has switched places with his younger brother. The switch has apparently been an attempt for Peyton to revive the career of his younger brother.
Plexico Burress had this to say on the subject. "I kind of thought something was up when I didn't have to dive after balls, and that most of the passes were actually thrown to the correct team. But I really knew something was up when all Manning would talk about in the huddle was how great Sprint and DirecTV were. Either way we are winning, at this point we will take Archie next season if it works."
With this news breaking the REAL Eli Manning is expected to be under center for the Giants this weekend. But with that said Peyton has announced that he would not attend the game, nor would he be able to be contacted. So don't be shocked to see another switch.
OJ Mayo tells Heat he will be playing for them next season
(OJ Feels he is ready to live the life of an NBA player, most people don't know what would change)
In a move very similar to the one Mayo made last season when he came out of nowhere and told USC that he would be playing for them, OJ Mayo called the Miami Heat last night and informed them that he would be playing for their team next season.
The news came as a complete shock to the Miami Heat. Coach Pat Riley said that he really didn't think that they would use a top pick on Mayo, but loves his enthusiasm and figured why not.
As for USC, coach Tim Floyd released this statement, "OJ pretty much does whatever he wants around here. I'm pretty sure he hasn't even been into an Academic Building all year. So if he wants to go play for the Heat so be it, I'm pretty sure we have that rapper kid coming next year so it will all work out."
Kentucky cuts Basketball program
(Billy isn't shocked to hear that Kentucky's basketball program has been cut)
The University of Kentucky announced this week that the would cut their Men's Basketball program after a dismal start to the 2007-08 season. Mitch Barnhart, Kentucky's Director of Athletics, made the statement earlier today.
The Kentucky basketball program has slipped the past few seasons. In a hope to get back to prominence they hired coach Billy Gillispie. But in his first season Kentucky has fallen to Garner-Webb by 16, UAB, Houston by 14, San Diego by 9, and Mississippi State by 5 just to name a few.
Barnhart said that with the pitiful play of the basketball team along with a great season from the football team that Kentucky is committed to becoming a true football school. And that if that fails they can always fall back on their Cheerleading program.
The move comes as a shock to UK fans and players, but coach Gillispie wasn't actually shocked at all. "I was actually hired by Duke to take this job and run the team into the ground." Gillispie said after the announcement was made.
Gillispie has interviewed for an assistant coaching job at North Carolina, but isn't expected to be hired. Kentucky has offered him a job cutting the grass on the football field, which sources say Gillispie is seriously considering.
"Woman" Moss reportedly hit turns out to be Merriman
(Most Chargers and Patriots players were not shocked by this development)
Randy Moss made the news this week by being accused of hitting a woman. As it turns out that "woman" was actually Chargers Line Backer Shawne Merriman, and the "hit" turned out that Moss just bumped into Shawne "really roughly".
Merriman could not be reached for comment, or to answer why he was out in women's clothes. But, Chargers QB Philip Rivers did say that the Chargers LB's would look much better than the Patriots LB's in drag.
Merriman has dropped all charges against Moss, and put in the report that Moss shouldn't be so "rough" in the future. Moss said that he just wants to put the whole thing behind him, and whatever Shawne wants to do in his free time is up to Shawne.
Dolphins fans shocked to find that HBO's Soprano's star isn't new coach
(Most Dolphin's fans think that THIS is thier new coach)
Miami Dolphins fans were ecstatic to see that their team hired a new coach. The only problem is that they thought that the guy the Dolphins hired was Tony Soprano, not Tony Sparano. An easy mistake.
One Dolphin fan was asked about the hiring. "Woo Hooo!! Go Phins! Yeah that dude Soprano kills folks, and that kind of power will get this team going. I figured with the show coming off of HBO he had to find some work, and we are happy.... Wait, what S-P-A-R-A-N-O, not S-O-P-R-A-N-O? Really? Are you sure? Well I guess I'm off to sell these season tickets on eBay. Who the hell is Tony Sparano? Do the Dolphins know that is who they hired? My friends are going to be TICKED!"
The news shocked quite a few people in the Miami area. In a related story Arthur Blank owner of the Atlanta Falcons contacted James Gandolfini (The REAL Tony Soprano) and asked if he would be interested in coaching the Falcons. Gandolfini declined the offer.