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So, you have all met Oso...
You have heard about how old he was...
You have all heard about him being a Polar Bear...
You have heard about him living in Texas as well...
You have all seen his blue tongue...

Well, have you ever heard of how this all came to be of him? He used to not be a Bear, he used to be human as well...

Well, I say well a lot, and in the following, I will tell you how he became who he is now, which is an Old, Purple-Tongued Polar Bear.

Well, there once was the nerdy kid who lived in very old times, WAY before the Dinosaurs, and WAY before there was dirt. I am guessing sand is older, so we will claim that was what was on the ground, and growing grass. He grew up on the following things: Mexican Food, Star Wars, Soap (Explain later), Tic-Tacs, and Microwaved Cookies.

      Oh, I forgot his name did I? Well, you got me there, but his name was Nanook, (What were his parents thinking?). Anywho, he was a 15 year old boy that was around longer than dirt. What he liked to do everyday was come home from school, count his favorite Star Wars action figures, and eat tic-tacs. Holy crap, was he addicted to tic-tacs like they were nicotine... Anyway, one day he was playing with his Star Wars figurines and then he heard a huge slam outside of his house, and the entire town was running wild. It had actually happened, Dirt fell from the sky and it was created! (Pretty characteristic for the story, eh?). Well, anyway everyone was so amazed, and then a few days after that Nanook went to the Town Hall and it happened! They copyrighted dirt! It was the most unbelievable thing in Nanook's 16 year old life, besides Star Wars and Tic-Tacs. Anyway, Nanook ran back to his house, and turned on his TV. (Yes, I know, they should not have had TV's then, but this is how it fits in the story, so back off, if you have a problem with it). Anyway, he saw that there were two new Star Wars figures out for sale at Rocks R Us. He ran over there as fast as his legs could carry him. He got there, he asked for the new Han-Solo and Luke Skywalker toys, and the clerk said, "We keep the dolls in the back". Nanook took that as offense, and he wanted to beat up the clerk, but all he did was yell at him, "They are action figures! Not Toys!". Then the clerk hit the security button, and people were throwing rocks at Nanook. He ran out, and he had gotten his Star Wars toys in the process, by buying them off of some cheap hobo, that probably stole them from the warehouse.

     When Nanook came home, his mother was waiting for him to give him a grocery list, and she actually trusted him to cook their dinner. Well, he went and bought all of the correct items, but then he remembered that he didn't know how to cook, because his head was full of Star Wars and Tic-tacs. Nanook was suppose to make Enchiladas, his favorite dinner, but he didn't make that. He threw all of the ingrediants around and took out a can of cookie dough. The only appliance Nanook knew how to use in the house was the microwave. Then he thought he could bake cookies in the microwave. So he took a plate, and then put a big chunk of cookie dough on it. Nanook put it in the microwave, and put it on high for 5 minutes. About 3 minutes later you could hear crackeling noises, and he looked in the microwave and saw a puddle of cookie dough on the plate. He kept watching and then the dough caught fire. He was screaming for help, because he was so dumb, he didn't know he could have used a fire extinguisher, so he unplugged the flaming microwave and drop kicked it out his door. It landed on the neighbor's cat Shnuckums, and she turned extra crispy after that... It was not a pretty sight either, when his parents came home. Nanook's parents asked what happened and he said cookie dough exploded. They thought he was full of crap, took his Tic Tacs away, and left him with his Star Wars figures. He was sad for the week, and when he got his tic-tac priveliges back, he really had no interest in them anymore, because they discontinued the Green kind, which was as big as the Big Bang Theory!

     A couple months later, Nanook was still collecting every Star Wars toy he could possibly imagine to find. His dad was getting upset that he was going against Star Trek, so for a few years, they had a dispute, in which Nanook always won, because they had Light-Sabers and Star Trek freaks didn't. This made Nanook's dad mad to the max, so he went off on him and kicked him out of his house. All because of Sci-Fi crap too... Who ever knew someone could get so worked up over that? Anyway, his mother was upset with his father, and they just dissappeared, and were never seen again. Nobody knew how, and nobody knew why for some reason. It was a puzzly story Nanook thought, but his dad was not supportive and his mom did not really believe him. Nanook was being himself one day and tried to get into a Pole Dancing club, he tried to go by the age of 26, and use the name McLovin, yet what Nanook didn't know was that the two guards blocking the way in saw the Movie SuperBad two nights ago. They took his fake ID and snapped it in half, called him an "Amorous, Little Kid". (Hey, does anyone else know what that word means? Not me...)

     So as you could see, Nanook's life hasn't been going well to this point. He blew up their kitchen, fried a cat, lost his parents to nowhere, doesn't know how to cook and has no more Winter-Green Tic-Tacs. His life seemed like it was going down as we knew it. He was walking with his bag of Star Wars figures, and then a song started playing in the background. "Where is the passion, when you need it the most? You kick up the leaves, and the magic is lost, you tell me your blue skies fade to gray, you tell me your passion's gone away" "SHUT UP" yelled Nanook. (I guess he doesn't like Daniel Powter - Bad Day). Anyways, he was thinking, he went into a store, and smelled an aromic scent. He saw many types of Soaps in the back by the Bathing articles. So he shoved a bunch of them with his Star Wars toys, in his bag, and ran out. "The stupid people never noticed a kid with a clunking bag of soap, I guess they didn't care", he thought. Later, he was in the woods one night and then Nanook was drinking Ice cold water, he was so tired, he fell asleep with the tin cup over his mouth, and his tongue got terribly frost bitten. For some odd reason, his tongue turned shimmering blue, and it looked as if it were blue dye, when he saw his reflection in the water. A teenage boy, with a blue tongue... (What a freak, eh?). After this happened, he thought that he had to hide his tongue from anybody that saw him.

     Nanook then hopped on a Row Boat, and rafted his way down to Antartica, to see if it were actually cold there. He never believed anything people said, he had to go see for himself. He got to the gate of Antartica, and there were 4 penguins blocking the gate, he swore he saw one give him the finger, so he drop kicked him, punched out two of them, and whipped one of them into the water by it's wings. Nanook bursted through the door and found two Polar Bears playing Guitar Hero 3. They were getting upset, because their fat paws screwed them up, when they were trying to play. One of the Polar Bear cubs ran up and bit Nanook. He screamed like a little girl. The Polar Bears then took him to a small bath that was glowing a greenish color, but it was warm water. Nanook was left in there, and he suddenly turned warm. Nanook got out, and he was freezing cold. He was suppose to be warm wearing his big clothes, but he was freezing cold in the 40* Farenheit Igloo. It was weird. He looked down, thought he saw puberty, but he saw white fur all over him. He looked at his paws, and screamed like a girl again. One of the Polar Bears told him to shut up. Nanook had a tag around him, and it was labeled "Oso". He looked up at the other two Polar Bears, yelled at how stupid he looked, and they were offended. They both threw him out of their igloo, and the penguins tackled him and shipped him off to Mexico. This was where he kept trying to steal mexican food, but Pablo and Paco kept kicking him out. Two spanish, blind guys weren't puzzled at all as to why there was a Polar Bear with Star Wars figures and bars of soap. Luckily, he always got out with a Taco or two.

     Later each night, Oso or Nanook took a bar of soap, and scratched a Star Wars character from it with his clumsy nail on his paw. He always liked carving Princess Leih and the Queen lady from the movies. He thought Chewbacca scared him when he made it, but he made it occasionally, screamed and smashed it to pieces, from his excitement. Oso needed to find a warm place, even though he had much fur, he needed a warm place over a cold place. So he went to a town of Dallas. He met a woman that seemed interested in a Star Wars loving, Soap Carving, Polar Bear. They fell in love and got married for many of years. They had 2 children and they too fell in love with Star Wars, and tried to do experiments with popcorn and cookies in the microwave. From experience, Oso knew to forgive his kids when they did that kind of thing, because he remembered what happened to him when he was younger. His kids also to this day have always wanted to go on a trip to Antartica to see it for themselves if it is actually cold. Oso's excuse was that they would get beat up by Polar Bears, and they would have to fight penguins that knew karate. His wife thought he was nuts, but she still loved him.

     So today, Oso resides in Dallas, Texas with his wife, and family of two kids. He goes on Fannation as much as possible, and does all he can at his job everyday for people. Anyway, when he turned into the Bear, he still had the purple tongue, and that is why he has it today! He is on Fannation Daily, showing off that Blue tongue, and trying to prove he has got more skills by typing english and having a blue tongue than a certain Purple Dinosaur...

THE END, thanks for reading, and leave a sincere comment at will, thanks!

 

 

 

Written By: DetroitFan* BS Is Tom Brady

Copyright: January 2008

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