Hey football fans,
Tell me if this has happened to you: you host a Super Bowl party, and invite your four favorite football fans, we'll call them Andy, Bonnie, Carlos, and DeShawn. Awesome. Carlos brings his girlfriend Elissa, who always wants to tag along but doesn't know squat about football. Andy brings his buddy Fariq, who doesn't care for sports at all, but just broke up with his girlfriend Gisele, and is really depressed and needs to get out. Bonnie brings her friend Hua-Ling, a known chatterbox, who she's trying to hook up with DeShawn. DeShawn, meanwhile, has brought his fat friend Ira, who loves to show off his football knowledge, which isn't as vast as he thinks it is.
This makes for a lousy Super Bowl-watching group, politically correct as it may be. You, Andy, Bonnie, Carlos, and DeShawn are trying to watch a championship game, and Fariq can't stop drunk-calling Gisele, Elissa keeps talking about how good the players' butts look and how she can't wait for the next commercial break, Hua-Ling keeps trying to strike up conversations with DeShawn, and Ira keeps saying profound things like, "Did you know that the Bills are the only team who's ever lost four consecutive Super Bowls?" not to mention eating all the pizza.
You can prevent such an atrocity. One thing you can do is tell your friends that it's just going to be the five of you. Bad idea. Andy might decide his buddy's needs are more important. Bonnie coerces DeShawn into joining them in going to a bar for a party. Carlos doesn't want to be there if there aren't any girls. And you're left alone. Another option is to post a bunch of rules about who can talk about what and when, and if you're distracting from the game, you have to leave. Yeah, that'll make you some friends.
Here's a better solution. Play the Super Bowl Drinking Game. It's guaranteed to get everyone in the room paying rapt attention to what's going on, because they have a vested interest.
Everyone chooses a team, ideally the team they're rooting for. That gives indifferent people a vested interest in one side, which always makes the game more fun.
You take a drink:
Every time your team loses yardage on a play (sack, run for a loss).
Every time your team commits a penalty. Take another drink if the other team declines the penalty.
Every time your team takes a timeout.
Every time your team allows a play of ten yards or more.
Every time the other team gets a field goal, safety, or extra point.
Every time the other team returns a kickoff past the 30-yard line. Every time your team fails to return a kickoff past the 20-yard line.
Every time your team is forced to punt from inside their 20-yard line.
Every time your punt returner calls for a fair catch.
Every time your team loses an onside kick.
You drink for five seconds:
Every time the other team scores a touchdown. [this trumps the "Over 10 Yards" rule]
Every time your team commits a turnover.
Every time you lose a challenge (whether the other team challenges and succeeds, or your team challenges and fails).
Every time your team has a kick blocked.
Everyone drinks:
Every time the announcers agree that the refs made a terrible call.
Every time they show a commercial that unanimously sucks.
Of course, you can make your own modifications, but here's why this works: 1) Everyone is forced to pick a side, and thus has someone to root for. 2) Every play, even punts, have the potential to cause drinking. So everyone has to pay attention. 3) People who don't know a thing about football might learn by the end of the day, if they can remember it.
So with this game, your party is a success. Everyone had a blast. There was food for everyone, because Ira was kept busy drinking. Fariq had something to take his mind off of Gisele. Hua-Ling shut up more often than usual. Elissa picked the Giants because they have the nicest butts, and is suddenly a Giants fan. Hua-Ling and DeShawn probably hook up afterwards. Bonnie is happy but also jealous for her friend, and starts making out with Fariq, who calls Gisele afterwards to tell her he's over her. And most importantly, you, Carlos, Andy, Bonnie, and DeShawn all got to enjoy the game you love.
Kayla Oberg
Ariel Meredith
Heisman Moments: Closest Finishes
Sled Hockey
Comments (35) Add A Comment
Brilliant! :)
Sneaky Pete
Rochelle, IL
Total Comments (1056)
HA! I'm not late to a blog... :D
Sneaky Pete
Rochelle, IL
Total Comments (1056)
The only problem is that everyone would be ripped by the end of the 1st quarter and how would you eat if you are supposed to watch the commercials and vote unanimously on the sucky ones.Everybody would be so drunk that you would forget when you had to drink and for what.It's a pretty good idea if you want to see all your friends moaning on your couch,or floor the next day because they passed out.
Harry Callahan
Total Comments (10043)
Beer, Harry, use beer, agree on the commercial thing though
Buddhasillegitimatec…
Pacific , MO
Total Comments (2678)
The only problem is that everyone would be ripped by the end of the 1st quarter and how would you eat if you are supposed to watch the commercials and vote unanimously on the sucky ones.Everybody would be so drunk that you would forget when you had to drink and for what.It's a pretty good idea if you want to see all your friends moaning on your couch,or floor the next day because they passed out.
Harry says Pats in a laugher
Harry, you've pretty much described every evening I spent playing "quarters" in college! From what I recall, it was pretty darn fun... ;)
Sneaky Pete
Rochelle, IL
Total Comments (1056)
I know,but i never understood the bible belt i live in down here in Texas.I can go buy beer after noon on Sunday but cant buy liquor,not that i drink liquor anymore,just my beer.I don't understand the thought behind them thinking you can't get just as drunk off beer as liquor.i guess i'm not in that much of a hurry anymore.
Harry Callahan
Total Comments (10043)
I'm thinking we are going to have another Friday Debate where you two agree completely...
Big Ben68
Total Comments (20639)
Just a concensus here,If you are at a Superbowl party,have a designated driver or say it is your house and you don't have to worry about leaving and there is tons of beer and food,how many beers could you consume at said party ? Let's say it starts at around 4PM and ends at 10PM ?.
Harry Callahan
Total Comments (10043)
I could easily drink two an hour if I weren't worried about driving... But the whole "shutting up" thing would be right out the window! ;)
BTW, the small Illinois town I live in is completely dry on Sundays, Harry, so I feel your pain there. Although we just have to drive five minutes to the north to find a town where the beer flows like, um, wine...
Sneaky Pete
Rochelle, IL
Total Comments (1056)
So thats about a 12-Pack for Pete.
Harry Callahan
Total Comments (10043)
Harry: 12 beers without Trouble. 15 or 18 with Trouble. Trouble is my dog.
Dan, I might have to try this game. But unlike Harry and Buddha, I will follow the rules as stated. If I'm drunk by the end of the 1st quarter, then I figure I had more fun than everyone else. Unless they passed out on the couch-floor before I did, in which case--do I really give a ****?
It's All Mine!
Yellowstone Park, WY
Total Comments (5514)
If you have a low-tolerance bunch of friends, I do recommend that you lose a few rules. But I figure in an average game, these rules will be just about right to get me toasty by halftime, and nicely drunk by the final whistle.
Dan TM is Stupendous…
Evanston , IL
Total Comments (2071)
Vodka's slow buzz has given me trouble many times. "I'm not drunk yet, what the heck? Guess I'll pound another." Half an hour later, it's all downhill.
Dan TM is Stupendous…
Evanston , IL
Total Comments (2071)
It might make for a lousy bunch to watch a game with, but it sure as hell made a great Budweiser commercial
Zags4final4
Lost Somewhere In, WA
Total Comments (1274)
If i drank cheap beer,Vodka and lemonade Thug,I would be yacking in the pretzel bowl by kickoff.
Harry Callahan
Total Comments (10043)
I remember taking tequila shots like i was some tough guy,and chasing it with beer and before i knew it,i thought i had lost my eyesight,i was blind but could still hear.I think i woke up with a shoe for a pillow in the kitchen.
Harry Callahan
Total Comments (10043)
And then we wouldn't have our pretzels...
...the world would almost immediately end.
Big Ben68
Total Comments (20639)
I just re-read the blog and substituted my friends' names for Andy, Bonnie, Carlos, and Deshawn. I think I might have to go with Thug's recipe. On the other hand, I could be totally evil and serve my friends blogs!
It's All Mine!
Yellowstone Park, WY
Total Comments (5514)
Back in my heyday, I would have just about made it through a case. Seriously. On Friday nights my 3 buddies and I would use a case or two as a warm up to the party in the bars.
iB4e: Happy…
Austin, TX
Total Comments (8530)
Harry, I once woke up on a train bound for Mexico City with my face stuck to the floor, a chicken staring back at me. All because of Tequila. What's wrong with that? I fail to see your complaint.
True story, BTW.
It's All Mine!
Yellowstone Park, WY
Total Comments (5514)
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