Here's everything you need for the Super Bowl from A-Z. Ha, get it? A-Z? The Super Bowl is in Arizona - AZ.
Hello, is this thing on? These are the jokes people.
Appetizers, Beer (or Blogs), Chips, Dip, E-Z chair, Friends, Grill, Hospital phone number, Ib4E, Jalapenos (stuffed), Keg, Lime (for Buddhasillegitimatechild's Corona), MGD, Nachos, Onion rings, Patriots jersey, Quiche (for your friends who aren't real men), Ribs, Salsa, Tums, Urinal (it will make the bathroom a lot easier to clean), Victory dance, Wings, Xx (as in Dos Equis), You-Tube account (to post SB party videos), Ziegenbock (you thought I was going to say Zima didn't you).
So there you have it. Everything you need to know to get ready for the Super Bowl - I B4 E style.
Speaking of Super Bowl:
Normally, coaches don't do Super Bowl interviews but I scored one early. I had to pull a lot of strings to get this done and now I owe some favors, hopefully they are not "favors". I had a great time with this interview and it was quite refreshing getting the insight of someone who really knows football. I still can't believe that I pulled this off. I didn't want to keep it all to myself; I want all of FanNation to enjoy it as much as I did.
So here, for you my friends, is my interview with a vamp..., er Bill Belichick.
I B4 E: Thank you so much for seeing me coach
Belichick: mumble, mmrrph, mmmmpghhh, ummnern
Interpreter: He said "Who the hell are you?"
I B4 E: Ha, that's funny Bill. I never knew you had a sense of humor.
Belichick: What did you call me?
I B4 E: Uh, Coach, I said Coach. I thought you needed an interpreter?
Belichick: mrmmphh mmmblllefr, hmph hmph, sigh, cklgh mbhgy
Interpreter: He said "Don't get snooty with me punk. I'll kick your arse.
I B4 E: Arse? I didn't know you were British.
Belichick: Why, you little....
I B4 E: ack, gack, cough, uhhnn, I can't breathe Coach
Interpreter: Uh, Bill let's not get carried away. Let the dufus have his precious little interview. It's not like anyone is going to read it anyway.
I B4 E: You know coach; your interpreter is really annoying.
Belichick: mmmhhu gppjnn mublmeme, yuhbf
Interpreter: That's your problem
I B4 E: Say, coach. Did I mention that this interview is for FanNation?
Interpreter: I don't know; there are an awful lot of people on FanNation who might misinterpret this interview. Have you seen my profile BTW?
I B4 E: Don't worry coach, only 4 people will actually read it. So what do you say we sit down man-to-man and put together a coherent interview? Don't worry, your interpreter can stay in case you want to mumble another answer.
Belichick: Shut up idiot!
I B4 E: Uh, me or your interpreter?
Belichick: Just ask your stupid questions so I can get on my wife, I mean on with my life.
I B4 E: Wow! What an honor. Thanks coach.
Belichick: Yeah, yeah whatever
Interpreter: yeah, yeah, oh, sorry
I B4 E: Ok, so you have been in this business a long time. You grew up around the game. You were even a ball boy for your dad when you were just a tyke...
Belichick: Don't call me a ****.
I B4 E: I said "tyke" with a "T".
Belichick: Oh, so you'll strike that last comment?
I B4 E: Don't worry coach the FanNation censors will probably catch it. I mean, they won't even let you say **** on here. See what I mean?
I B4 E: So, going back to your early football exposure...
Belichick: I only exposed myself to one person and she swore she was 18.
I B4 E: Now I see why you mumble your answers. Whew TMI.
Belichick: What did you say you little...
I B4 E: Uh nothing coach. So what has changed the most in your illustrious career?
Belichick: My what career? Whatever, in my memorable career, I would say that end zone dances have changed the most.
I B4 E: Um ok. Moving on. Here's your first chance to say anything you want to Coach Coughlin. What would you like to tell him from a sportsman's standpoint?
Belichick: I would like to tell Tommy, **** **** **** **** **** and **** **** ****, then you can just **** **** or else I'll rip your **** **** off!
I B4 E: Coach, the censors - remember?
Belichick: ****! Ok, I guess I would like to tell him his Little Giants can't touch my mighty Patriots.
I B4 E: Right. Ok so you have built this amazing dynasty. The job you and Pioli have done here is unmatched. You beat the tar out of teams using other people's throw-aways. Guys who were found in late rounds. How do you do it year in and year out?
Belichick: Well, it all goes back to that Kenny Rogers song. You gotta know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em.
I B4 E: um, could you expound on that statement coach?
Interpreter: He said no. Oh sorry, I was feeling left out.
I B4 E: Ok, coach I know we are getting short on time and I probably have lost all 4 people who read my blogs. So I'll skip a few questions if you don't mind. What did you tell Charlie Weiss when he came back looking for advice after a pathetic season?
Belichick: I told him to stop his stinkin' whining and be a man. He's the one who wanted to leave for greener pastures even though he had it made in the shade here. So, how green is the pasture now Chuckie?
I B4 E: Hey, I'm the one asking the questions here.
Belichick: Oh sorry, please forgive me.
I B4 E: fugetaboutit. Ok, where was I? So, if it comes down to the Giants trying a game winning field goal, how do you plan to make him miss?
Belichick: Giants? Game winning field goal? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. HAHA, man you quite the commodian. Give me a break. Do you honestly think the Giants will have a prayer to keep within a field goal of my juggernaut?
I B4 E: Not really, but just humor me. It works better with my blog.
Belichick: Ok, so once they line up for the kick I saunter over to the umpire and leisurely call a time out just a millisecond before they snap the ball to ice him.
I B4 E: Very cool. Ok, we are almost done here.
Interpreter: Thank goodness.
Belichick and I B4 E: Shut up
I B4 E: Last question coach. Do you think that after you win a few more Super Bowls that they will change the name of the trophy from the Lombardi Trophy to the Belichick Trophy?
Belichick: I can only hope so son. I have to leave now so bye Mr. E.
I B4 E: Thanks for your time coach.
Belichick: No problem. Hey one thing before I leave.
I B4 E: Anything coach.
Belichick: Can you get me Tracy's number?
I B4 E: I'll see what I can do coach.
Interpreter: mmmppphhh, mumbmbllee, harumphmmmhp, mmmp ib4e
Belichick: He says SFTU I B4 E.
I would be remiss if I didn't say thanks Callahan for the title idea.