Here it is, just in case:
He has now moved on from that and is ready to shed out what the aftermath of that was. So in this story, you will see what happens to Oso after his blue-tongued self settled down and moved to Texas. Well, here we go again on another adventure!
Now, Oso finds himself at the grocery store, and he is looking for every ridiculous thing on his Wife's grocery list. The first thing on the list said "Eggs" So he went to the frozen food section and picked up a box of "Eggo Waffles". He figured she forgot to put the "O" in the word. Next, on the list was "Milk". Oso's dumb self got "Milk Chocolate". He thought there was milk in it anyways, so why not? After the milk was "Mixed Nuts". Oso turned his head at the store, and saw a huge Display of donuts. He was drooling all over the floor, and he mistook the mixed nuts for donuts. When he got into the Check-Out line, his grocery kart was full of donuts, milk chocolate, and Eggo Waffles... Then you canvery well guess what he saw... He saw another big display of GREEN TIC-TACS ! He screamed, "THEY BROUGHT MY FIRST LOVE BACK, AND IN CLOSE SECOND, MY WIFE!". Everyone in the store looked at the blue-tongued polar bear like he was nuts. (Well, he was, but he doesn't know it). Anyway, he dove at the Tic Tacs, and filled his kart as high as it would go with Tic-Tacs. He was going out to his car, and someone jumped him and tried to steal his tic-tacs. He took his paw and slapped the hobo to the ground, and then hopped in his car, and went home.
When Oso returned home, his wife asked him what took him so long. Oso was speechless, and decided to just go get the groceries. His wife dumped the bags upside-down and a million little packages of green tic-tacs fell out. His wife was beaten red, mad at him. She yelled, "EGGO WAFFLES!?!?!". Oso's excuse was, "You forgot the O"... So then, Oso's wife sent him to Rehab because of his Tic-Tac addiction that same day, and he went to the bar instead. He came home, and told the truth, because he thought it was right, bad idea... His wife yelled such violent words, that couldn't be said. She picked up the kids, and ran out of the house, and drove away.
Oso was starting to remember his past, where his dad was always mad at him, and then his parents left. He was sad to see it happen again, but now he had a load of donuts, and tic-tacs to make up for the problem. He still felt kind of lonely, though. He ran into his room and started carving more Star Wars figurines out of his bars of soap. He started carving an Aniken Skywalker one, to go along with Mace-Windew, and Darth Vader. Someone rung the door bell, and he opened the door with the Jedi Soap doll in his hand. It was a Solicitor at the door. The solicitor was in shock when he saw the Jedi Soap Doll, and said "Do you want to be rich, Bear?". He yelled yes, with much excitement, and they rode down to the Star Wars Toys HQ, somewhere in Kentucky...
Oso got there, and the dumb Chief there asked how to make it. Oso called him a retard and then they got into a fight. Soon after that, the real Chief Executive came in and told Barney, the janitor to quit pretending to be the executive. He came in and told Oso he would make millions of dollars. He righteously accepted, and signed the papers. He was on the news the next day, and he was in lights and commercials for bars of soap on television. Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson were watching and Tony said, "Is he gay or what?". Jessica slapped him and said Bears are cute, and she walked out on him...
A few weeks later, at Oso's house, the door-bell rung again. At the door was Jessica Simpson. Oso was speechless when he saw her standing on his Welcome Mat. He told her to come on in, and she did just that. They were dating for about a month now, and Jessica Simpson also had a love for green tic-tacs as they both loved them and each other. Then, they got married and her family was surprised she actually stuck with somebody.
Eventually, Oso showed his craving for Tic-Tacs again, and then he took it a little too far, by building a large house out of them. Jessica forced him back into rehab, (no seriously, she had to DRAG him through the door). When he was in rehab, he was bored as heck. He had no soap carvings to do, so he got a pencil and paper, and started writing. He wrote a mini-series for Nickelodeon, and always stashed them under his pillow every night. Jessica, then found them and she sent them into the Nickelodeon Place, where they have Cartoons. Oso then got another Business call, and he was accepted into having a new series on Nickelodeon. He then thought, Jessica was the best thing that ever walked into his life, besides green tic-tacs. The series was called: Spongebob Squarepants. The reigning Nickelodeon show on Television, today.
A while later, say 30 days... The Simpson Family invited Jessica and Oso on a Hunting trip. They went, and Oso the bear thought he was hunting when he was chasing the animals, but his fat self was way too slow. Then, Jessica's dad gave him a gun. He didn't know what it was. He pulled the trigger, and hit Ashley Simpson. She fell to the ground, and they all scattered in different directions, but they were cheering for excitement, because they didn't have to hear her sing anymore! Oso felt bad, and his wife, Jessica said to be happy. So did the whole Simpson family. Then they had a party, and everything was fine after that.
Oso, being the new celebrity that he is, met up with Jamie Lynn Spears, and started laughing, and wrote a sign that said, "Haha, You Weren't Listening In Health Class, Were You?". Neither did Oso, he laughed the whole time in that class from them saying "The P Word" all the time. (You know what I am talking about). Anyway, K-Fed was laughing too, and then Oso stopped laughing. Oso went to Burger King, and yelled "GET ME A WHOPPER!". The person said, fine, it was only a commercial. The man behind the register looked up, and it was Kevin Federline worknig at Burger King. What did Brittany do to him? Anyway, Oso thought the commercial was real, because at the bottom of the commercial, it said "Real Footage". So then a fight broke out between the two. Oso slapped Federline to the ground with his big, hairy paw, and Jessica Simpson was laughing at him. Oso then started yelling at him, and threw him into a garbage can, and rolled him down the highway. "I can't drive 55!" started playing, and Oso hopped in his car, and pushed K-Fed into the landfill, and yelled, "This is where you belong!". Federline got up and started throwing punches at Oso. The Rocky Theme started and Oso got up and opened a can of whoopass on him. He punched him in the stomache, and threw him into the ground. He started kicking him in the face. Then, he threw him down the hill of piled junk. Oso and everyone else cheered that someone finally shut up Federline for good.
Oso took a shower after that, and went back home with his wife, Jessica Simpson. They were doing very well for each other, and they still love each other today. They love each other, and watch the SAME tape of Tony Romo blowing it in the Playoffs each year. Now, Oso has 3 total jobs of: Counseling, Writing Spongebob, and Creating Star Wars Soap Figurines. He was also going to be in the UFC after they saw him kick K-Fed's *ss, but he didn't want to. Jessica still did whatever she did to make money. (What does she do anymore?) Anyway, they moved back into Dallas where they can taunt Tony Romo and live in the warm climate where the both of them like it. Oh, and they have 2 kids. One boy and one girl. Their names are Nanook and Jessica. You know where both names are from too. Now Jessica and Oso are settled down, and still remain somewhere in Texas, where a Polar Bear won't be judged by the color of his paws...
Don't they make a cute couple?
Anyways, comment or something, this story took forever to write and fit everything in...
By: DetroitFan* BS Is Tom Brady
Copyright: February 2008