Josh Q. Public: ‘Cause one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. One is the loneliest number, whoa-oh, worse than two. One is the loneliest number. One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. -Three Dog Night
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Nobody likes a show off. Is there anything these guy can't do? Anything you can do, they can do better. They can do anything better than you. Anything you can be, they can be greater. Sooner or later, they're greater than you. The multisport athletes. Doing it all. Having a ball. Answering every call from here to Montreal. Some, you already Gary Gnu about. But others are gonna be a New Zoo Review about. Coming right at you about.
Let's start with an easy one. A cheesy one. A George and Weezy one. Batter up! Bo knows this. What? And Bo knows that. What? But Bo don't know jack, cause Bo can't rap. Vincent Edward Jackson. The epitome of the two-sport athlete. One day he's carrying the Boz over the goal line. The next day, he's crushing the ball out of Anaheim Stadium at the All-Star game. And look at that one! Bo Jackson says hello! Says hello to my little friend. Maybe the best athlete I've ever seen. Maybe the best there's ever been.
What about Tony Gwynn? We know he played baseball. Just made it into the great Hall. But what if I told you he ran the rock? Would that put you in shock? Would it clean your clock? Ran the point for the San Diego State Aztecs. Set the school assist record for the San Diego Aztecs. Dropping dimes like Newton dropped the apple. Drafted by the San Diego Clippers. Honey drippers. Sucker sippers. Big dippers. You can put that in you don't know what I said book.
Neion Deion. Prime Time. The best cover corner of all prime time. Eight Pro Bowls. Hit a home run and scored a touchdown in the same week. Played in a MLB and NFL game during the same day. My my, hey hey. Played in both a Super Bowl and World Series. In four games of that World Series, he batted .533. He scored four runs. He had 8 hits, two doubles and one RBI. Hey hey, my my. Prime Time!
John Elway. The Driver. The staying aliver. Ha ha ha ha staying alive. His gridiron exploits are well documented. His football fame well cemented. Baseball? Not so much. Drafted by the Royals out of high school. As a sophomore at Stanford, he hit .361 with nine homers and 50 RBIs. Pitched too. Electric boogaloo. First pick of the New York Yankees. Hit .314 along with a club-high 24 homers for the Oneonta Yankees. It didn't stick. Chicks may dig the longball, but the Duke of Denver loved football.
How 'bout Beltin' Todd Helton. That cat sure can hit. Can hit a little bit. Through last year, beltin' his way to the highest career batting average of any active player. Beltin' his way to second in on base percentage. Beltin' his way to fourth in slugging percentage, eighth in intentional walks and sixteenth in doubles. Helton received a scholarship from the University of Tennessee Volunteers to play both football and baseball. Backed up Heath Shuler. Got the starting job his senior season. Got hurt. Lost his job to a 6′5″ 230 pound quarterback with a laser rocket arm. Can you say Wally Pipp.
Bullet Bob Hayes. All you need is Bob Hayes. Runs like Hayes, plays like, well, Hayes. Set the world record in the 100. Won two gold medals the 1964 Tokyo Olympics. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Signed with the Cowboys. A Cowboy baby. Ridin' at night cause I sleep all day. Cowboy baby. I can smell a pig from a mile away. In his first two seasons, Hayes led the NFL in receiving touchdowns. The only human to have won an NFL ring and a gold medal. Yowza! In the NFL he made the Pro Bowl three times and was All-Pro four times. You can't touch him, 'cause he's electric. And if you touch him, you'll get shocked, shocked, shocked.
Antonio Gates. Four years in the NFL. Three Pro Bowls. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and **** is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst. Since 2004, only Indianapolis Colts wide-receiver Marvin Harrison has caught more touchdowns than Gates. Goodness! Gates never played football in college. Nope, not a lick. Ain't that sick? One slick trick. He played basketball for Eastern Michigan and then Kent State. This summer I hear the drumming, four dead in Ohio. A power forward, Gates led the Golden Flashes to a MAC Championship and the Elite Eight. Who knew?
Dave Winfield. Mr. May. One tough bugger. Hall of Fame slugger. But check it, check it out. He was drafted by four professional teams in three different sports. Gracious! After graduating from the University of Minnesota, Winfield was drafted by the NBA's Atlanta Hawks, the ABA's Utah Stars, the NFL Vikings and the San Diego Padres. Winfield chose baseball. Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a starter home. Choose dental insurance, leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose your future. But why would anyone want to do a thing like that?
Brian Jordan. Fourteen year baseball vet. Fool I'm a vet you can bet that. I could dance in underwater and not get wet. Check it. It's rainin' bullets and I'm still there. For life. I'm still there. Here there everywhere. Cardinals. Braves. Falcons. Doin' the dirty bird. Bird bird bird. Bird is the word. Five interceptions and four sacks for the Dirty Birds. Third in the NFL in tackles in 1990 for the Dirty Birds. 1996. Bird of a different feather. Red Birds. In the postseason that year, Jordan hit .333 in the NLDS. Had a game-winning home run in Game Four of the NLCS. More playoff heroics with the Braves. Jordan was a savior in the 1999 NLDS for the Braves. Against the Astros he batted .471. He had the game-winning double in the twelfth inning of Game 3. He drove in seven of Hot Lanta's 18 runs during the series. Driiiiiiiive!!! Driiiiiiiive!!! My baby drove up in a brand new Cadillac. Yes she did! My baby drove up in a brand new Cadillac. She said, hey, come here, daddy! I ain't never comin' back!
Ricky Williams. The Texas Tornado. Knock ‘em out the box Rick. Knock ‘em out Rick. Heisman. Dolphins. Bong hits. Suspension. More Dolphins. More bong hits. Another suspension. Argonauts. This we know. Did you know this? Before the Heisman, Ricky was drafted in the eighth round of the 1995 baseball amateur draft by the Philadelphia Phillies. The Rick is down with the House. He got the Phillie blunts. Ya know he rolls ‘em up. And then he lights ‘em up. And then he puffs them up and passes them. So Danny Boy blasts ‘em. Played four years at the Class A level with the Martinsville Phillies, Piedmont Boll Weavils and Batavia Muckdogs. Hit .283 with six stolen bases in nine tries in thirteen games the year he won the Heisman Trophy. Geez, when this guy isn't baked to the bejeezus he's quite an athlete. Quite an athlete indeed.
Me and Marion Jones, we got a thing going on. We both know that it's wrong. But it's much too strong to let it cool down now. Marion Jones. Track Star. We all know her as a multiple-medal winner in Olympic competition. Fast like lightning. So fast that it's frightening. Outta sightning. But in college, she led the North Carolina Tar Heels to a 92-10 record during her 3 years on the team. Here comes Carolina-lina. Here comes Carolina-lina. Here come Carolina with a national championship in 1994. Here comes Marion Jones, All-America point guard. Here comes Marion Jones ranked fifth on UNC's all-time assists list. Ranked third in steals and seventh in blocks. All that despite playing only three years.
Dick Groat. NL MVP and two World Series rings with the Pittsburgh Pirates. In college, at Duke, he averaged twenty-six points per game in and led the country in assists. So turn on the steam, team. Fight Blue Devils fight! National Player of the Year. Two time All American. Get the papers, get the papers. Set an NCAA record with 839 points. After college, Groat spent one season with the Fort Wayne Pistons.
Jim Brown. Maybe the greatest running back of all-time. Hall of Fame running back. Yes, I'm running down the railway track. Could you help me? Police on my back. Number nine. Number nine. In only nine years, Brown became the all-time leading rushing leader in the NFL. Currently, sits third on that list. Maybe the greatest lacrosse player of all time. Hall of Fame Lacrosse player. Led Syracuse's lacrosse team to an undefeated season in 1957, leading the country in scoring.
Jim Thorpe. Olympic gold medals in the pentathlon and decathlon. Starred in college and professional football. Played Major League Baseball. Had a career in basketball. What more could you ask? A superstar in four sports. So you wanna be a rap superstar, and live large. A big house. Five cars. You're in charge.
Charlie Ward. A Heisman Trophy winning quarterback. Won that award by the highest margin ever. College Football Hall of Fame. He's got game. It might feel good. Sound a lil' somethin'. **** the game if it dont mean nuthin'. Meant something to Charlie. Won a National Championship in football. Led the Seminoles' basketball team to the Elite Eight. First round draft pick in 1994 for the Knicks. Didn't even play baseball in college. Still, he was drafted by the Milwaukee Brewers in the 1993 free agent draft and by the New York Yankees in 1994.
Julius Peppers. Dominant defensive end for the Carolina Panthers. Rookie of the Year. Three-time Pro-Bowler. Power forward for the storied North Carolina Tar Heels. Helped the storied North Carolina Tar Heels reach the Final Four. Led the storied North Carolina Tar Heels in field goal percentage, shooting over 60 percent from the floor. The only man to ever play in both the NCAA men's basketball Final Four and the NFL's Super Bowl.
Bob Golic. Thirteen year NFL career. Career opportunities are the ones that never knock. Every job they offer you, is to keep out the dock. Career opportunities, the ones that never knock. Knocked for Golic. Golic made the Pro Bowl three times. At Notre Dame, he was an All-America heavyweight wrestler. Placed third and fourth in the country in ‘76 and ‘77. Placed ahead of future Olympic gold medalist Jeff Blatnick.
Terrell Eldorado Owens. Eldorado, why don't you come to your senses? Come down from your fences, open the gate. It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you. You better let somebody love you, before its too late. Besides his NFL career, T.O. played basketball and ran track at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. He even had the opportunity to play at the 1995 NCAA Basketball Tournament.
Tony Gonzalez. Kansas City Chiefs. Seven Pro Bowls. In college, played basketball and helped the California Golden Bears beat Villanova in the 1997 NCAA tournament to reach the Sweet 16. Tony tried out unsuccessfully for the Miami Heat.
Peace out homies. Six two and Even!