- 11:49 PM ET 01.26
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Ski season is upon us. For some of you, it couldn't have come fast enough. You've been waiting since June. This blog is not for you... some of you will take to the slopes for the 1st time. The objective here is to prepare you for the experience. Consider this a public service message. We're here to help.
16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill-now.
11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
8. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.
4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.
3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!
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Bar Refaeli
Julie Henderson



Comments (11) Add A Comment
I'm particularly fond of #8...
Great blog!
buck-i-girl: RIP…
Total Comments (3234)
lol...
Cardsox
Middle Of The..., US
Total Comments (9862)
very funny
JDawg1447
Jasper , GA
Total Comments (509)
Haha, hilarious blog. I skied for the first time a week ago but I was fine without this stuff. haha
G.O.A.T. is back?
Scranton, PA
Total Comments (12359)
all too true....
privateer
Total Comments (221)
Great blog, Hllywd! LMAO! Each item conjured personal experiences. Here's one I would add:
If you have facial hair, freeze 1 to 2 inches of water on the hairs around your mouth, then run full speed, and dive face-first into a carpet.
It's All Mine!
Yellowstone Park, WY
Total Comments (5514)
Sounds like my ride to work when we have a bad storm. Except all the milk and bread are all gone at the store.
Dallas Clark- SB in…
Total Comments (1344)
Excellent!
Jabril1217
Tucker , GA
Total Comments (1494)
i take it your first trip on the slops was a wet one, as most are. liked the blog, but i take it you never felt the need to go back. i remember i used to take people skiing and it only took about 15 minutes to find out if they dug it or were never coming back. lol later
smoke
Memphis , TN
Total Comments (89)
#11 is absolutely true! My favourite part of skiing is the chalet. You still have to burn the money though.
ROCK
Toronto, ON
Total Comments (252)
Comment
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