Disclaimer: This article was found and posted here off of the Internet. I in no way take credit for this work. It was funny, so I wanted to share with the FN Community.
I must forewarn you now. If you are faint of heart or have a weak constitution, or worse yet have no concept of complex numerical terms, then please tune out. Either that or keep Google or some dictionary handy. I realize that an article of this nature does not usually fall under the purview of the Lighter Side group, but we have to get the news out. I found this article on a Virginia government web site, and the news was just shocking! I won't preface this article any further. Just realize that there's a sleeper cell in your local schools, and you need to read this to identify the members of this new group:
Weapons of Math Instruction
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a protractor, a T-square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. The man is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search for absolute value. They use secret code names like x and y and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to dis-integrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."
President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
If you haven't figured it out by now (Duh) this article is a farce, and a rather funny one if you know or remember anything at all. It had nothing to do with sports, but hey, it was rather funny. Check the link at the top, it has some other funny math articles. See, education can be funny without having to watch your classmate fall out of the chair or light their hair on fire in science lab!
Erin Carlisle
Ana Beatriz Barros
NFL's Quadruple Threats
Back in Time: October 13
Comments (52) Add A Comment
I hate math. DAMN YOU TRIG! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!!!!
Esco: Done w/ FN
Youngstown , OH
Total Comments (12129)
Haha.
How do you make those pictures?
I've been trying to figure it out.
DJTG_2010
Total Comments (5191)
LMFAO. LMFAOOOOOOO.
Damn Algebra 2 midterm...
redskinmaniacST is…
Richmond, VA
Total Comments (6747)
I loved this blog, but...
I hate math. DAMN YOU ALGEBRA III!!! DAMN YOU TO THE LAKE OF FIRE!!!
Mac Has Left FN (For…
Middle Of Nowhere, LA
Total Comments (9477)
I hate math. DAMN YOU ALGEBRA III!!! DAMN YOU TO THE LAKE OF FIRE!!!
Mac is the Outlaw Torn | 01/28/08, 08:13 PM
Almost identical to what I said.
Esco: Done w/ FN
Youngstown , OH
Total Comments (12129)
I am heading to Switzerland, anyone else?
Dallas Clark- SB in…
Total Comments (1390)
*evil snicker...
redskinmaniacST is…
Richmond, VA
Total Comments (6747)
I am heading to Switzerland, anyone else?
Dallas Clark is mourning H.L | 01/28/08, 08:17 PM
Can you please bring home some chocolate for me? :)
redskinmaniacST is…
Richmond, VA
Total Comments (6747)
I am heading to Switzerland, anyone else?
Dallas Clark is mourning H.L | 01/28/08, 08:17 PM
I'd actually like some watches...if you'd please...
Secret Squirrel
The Best City In, MN
Total Comments (8925)
Even being in accelerated math (Geometry in 9th grade) I got lost after the picture of Isos...
Secret Squirrel
The Best City In, MN
Total Comments (8925)
I knew algebra was out to get me.
(Cincy)
Jamestown, OH
Total Comments (11295)
How do you make those pictures?
I've been trying to figure it out.
DJ is Dr. Cool. [FHKE] | 01/28/08, 08:10 PM
http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/poster.php
Oso Famoso
Palinville, AK
Total Comments (18064)
Oh god...this reminds me of my old algebra teacher...he's the kind of guy who would actually get caught with this kind of stuff...
Secret Squirrel
The Best City In, MN
Total Comments (8925)
I am heading to Switzerland, anyone else?
Dallas Clark is mourning H.L | 01/28/08, 08:17 PM
Can you please bring home some chocolate for me? :)
redskinmaniacST is a Milk Dud | 01/28/08, 08:21 PM
Chocolate? Mooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Like SS said, I want some nice watches.
Bigdleech
Total Comments (10189)
Even being in accelerated math (Geometry in 9th grade) I got lost after the picture of Isos...
Super Squirrel | 01/28/08, 08:33 PM
HEHEHEHE. I'm ahead of you :)
Algebra 2 in 9th grade...
redskinmaniacST is…
Richmond, VA
Total Comments (6747)
Chocolate? Mooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Like SS said, I want some nice watches.
Bigdleech | 01/28/08, 08:47 PM
Do you even know how to tell time?
redskinmaniacST is…
Richmond, VA
Total Comments (6747)
HEHEHEHE. I'm ahead of you :)
Algebra 2 in 9th grade...
redskinmaniacST is a Milk Dud | 01/28/08, 08:47 PM
College trig in 10th. Get at me.
Esco: Done w/ FN
Youngstown , OH
Total Comments (12129)
College trig in 10th. Get at me.
Esco ST*BS | 01/28/08, 08:48 PM
I'm takin' Math Analysis next year...
redskinmaniacST is…
Richmond, VA
Total Comments (6747)
Chocolate? Mooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Like SS said, I want some nice watches.
Bigdleech | 01/28/08, 08:47 PM
Do you even know how to tell time?
redskinmaniacST is a Milk Dud | 01/28/08, 08:48 PM
Learned it at the very young age of fifteen. Still can't read though.
Bigdleech
Total Comments (10189)
HEHEHEHE. I'm ahead of you :)
Algebra 2 in 9th grade...
redskinmaniacST is a Milk Dud | 01/28/08, 08:47 PM
College trig in 10th. Get at me.
Esco ST*BS | 01/28/08, 08:48 P
Calc in eleventh.
Bigdleech
Total Comments (10189)
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