We are here at the FanNation Hall of Fame to honor our newest inductee, Josh. Here to introduce him is a man that needs little introduction himself. He’s a longstanding teammate, and confidant of Josh’s that has helped him through so many tough times. Please welcome to the stage, Dan TM.
[Dan walks up to Podium to a nice modest round of applause. He shuffles some papers, clears his throat, and smiles weakly as he looks out over the huge crowd gathered for the ceremony. A woman screams and holds a “Josh, I’ll show you my bronze bust” sign high above her head.]
Hi, I'm Dan TM, and I've written over 180 blogs for FanNation. Good ones, too, none of that "I thnik the Patts are gonna win the SPer Bowl" nonsense. And I'm honored to be the person chosen to give the speech for Josh's induction to the Hall of Fame.
I can hardly think of anyone more deserving. Josh and I have been writing blogs together for what seems like months. And I couldn't ask for a better teammate. And let's face it, this old guy's been doing it for longer than most any of us. In over a year, he's penned 80+ quality blogs, keeping spelling errors to a modest minimum. And that's including a hiatus of several months!
It's good to see that the Hall selection committee has begin to look deeper in selecting its candidates. First, throwdowns are no longer mandatory for Hall inclusion, and that's great, because Josh would never make it in, having only done 7. It's not just about stats anymore, I mean, after all, I can think of at least one person who's written twice as many blogs as Josh who hasn't even been considered for the Hall. And it's not about cold, hard sports knowledge either - let's face it, half of what Josh writes is a rambling mess that hardly relates to what he's talking about in the first place.
No, what's important here is character, integrity, and the willingness to show up usually no more than once a week, and not at all if it's not football season. While I was writing over 50 predictions for the upcoming season, putting quality content on FanNation day in and day out, Josh was taking it easy, focusing on his home life, and that's what's really important.
So here's to Josh, you know, like I might do in one of my Toasts blogs that I'd post every week after the NFL games, which I think was one of the staples of FanNation. I mean, one of the best things about the site, really. A place for positivity, I mean, I had a DREAM and I followed it and hundreds came along with me EVERY WEEK! I had VISION!!! It wasn't a bunch of ramblings, it had purpose. FOR GOD'S SAKE, PICK ME! WHY DO YOU ALL LOVE JOSH MORE THAN ME?! YOU'RE FOOLS, EVERY DAMN ONE OF YOU! AAAaaAAaHHHAAHAAaaaaHHhHaA!
[Two security officials “escort” Dan off the stage. Josh pauses to shake Dan’s hand, but Dan simply screams something vulgar at him, and is then dragged off the stage. Josh straightens up, adjusts his Gold HOF jacket, and makes his way to the podium. He slowly scans the crowd, as emotion starts to get the better of him…his lower lip trembles a bit…and he backs away from the podium to collect himself. He returns…]
I look out over this audience today, and I’m overwhelmed by the warmth and love that you have shown me here today. When I was a poor child growing up on the mean streets of the Chicago Subrubs, I never dreamed that this day would be possible. Oh, I knew I was destined for greatness…but I knew not where that greatness would be. I would sit at my Apple IIe, thinking, “Someday there will be a thing called the internet….and on it, there will be a sports community website…and that’s where I’ll make my mark on this world.”
I used to regale my parents and siblings with stories of this magical world. They would laugh and throw things at me…but I knew I would prove them wrong. In my heart, I always knew that I was better than most people…and that I would one day rise to the top of this internet world.
And so, on an ordinary day in October of the year of our lord 2006, I logged onto a website called FanNation for the first time…and at once, I realized I was home. A sense of fulfillment, and completeness swept over me, and all the pain and longing in my body was washed away. I stared at that screen and knew I had found my calling.
That day, I wrote my 1st 3 blogs for the site. And soon I was writing a regular blog of such epic lengths that people thought there was something wrong with me. They said that I couldn’t sustain the pace, that writing posts that were more than 3000 words was insane. But for a whole NFL season I proved them wrong. But the long work caught up with me…while writing my epic about going to the Super Bowl in Miami, I torn my rotator cuff. I thought I could fight through the pain. And for awhile I did…but by March, the pain had become too much, that’s when I made the mistake of a life time…
I turned to pain killers….whole months went by with out a post. I started to think FanNation didn’t matter. Worse, I started to soil myself. I couldn’t write to save my life, it was the lowest point I had ever hit. But when you’re at your lowest, that’s when your real friends appear. Dan was there for me in my time of need. He checked me into rehab…and I got clean. And then, he told me to write. I didn’t want to listen, thinking that I had nothing left to offer this great community…so he punched me. That’s right, square on the jaw, knocked out 3 teeth the son of a….but it was worth it. That pain made me realize I was alive. And as long as I’m breathing I have something to say. And so I wrote….
Once the words started to fly out of my fingers, I took on a new challenge. Dan and I teamed up, and started writing blogs together. Perfection is not a strong enough word for the work we do together…but the pure joy I derive from it makes me happy I’m a man.
And now I stand before you a Hall of Famer. And there isn’t a prouder man on this Earth right now. I want to thank everyone that has taken the time to read any of my posts. And I know that’s a LOT of time. I want to thank the people who take the time to comment on my posts…whether it’s to tell a funny story, say good job, or just tell me I’m full of it…it’s all appreciated. Special thanks go out to a small group that I’ll refer to as the “Foot in the mouth gang”, they know who they are, and without them, well, the world would be a less fun place. I want to thank my family, without them I wouldn’t have half the material I use in these damn posts. But finally, I want to thank Dan. You had me at hello Dan, you had me at hello.
[Dan pushes off the security guards, and rushes the stage. Josh braces to punch him, but Dan sweeps him up in a huge man hug, and they cry on each other’s shoulders for what seems like forever. The crowd erupts in applause, and gets to their feet. Dan and Josh wave to the crowd, and triumphantly walk off the stage.]