I am a dedicated football fan. To me, there is just something about the fall of the year, when 22 men (or 16 high school players) take the field to prove their mettle in the battle of the gridiron. I think most of us enjoy it all the more when the field is a muddy or snowy mess, with teammates, referees, even the opposition pulling tufts of turf from players' helmets; Jerseys so thoroughly soiled, one cannot make out the name or number printed on it. The season progresses, the temperatures drop week after week, ushering us into the cold months of November and December, sick with anticipation of our teams' standings. All is good and right in the world.
We jump into the football season head-first, and stay submerged until...playoff time. Once we get to playoff time, I have a tendency to lose some of my lust to soak up everything being broadcast. I am very much an overall NFL fan, and this is where I begin to "slouch", as it were, from my October-through-December fervor. As evidenced by today's headline, "Plaxico predicts Giants' win!", it seems that the sports reporting machine gets a bit...dejected...when there is no trash-talking, no controversy between individuals, or history of pure hatred between organizations.
This morning's Plaxico jab was a feeble attempt to fabricate a controversy. Might I suggest to sports writers and reporters that if you have no controversy, and you must try to push some sort of news, just make it up! Don't settle for a weak Plaxico story like that! Of course he's going to side with his team. He's not going to say, "The Patriots are going to win." We know what's up, guys, so don't try to snow us.
What I suggest is something along the lines of, "Plaxico Burress was reported seen by an anonymous witness today, who claimed that he tried to board a plane bound for Cabo San Lucas with assumed girlfriend Melissa Etheridge". Now THAT'S controversy! From there, you could throw in tidbits like, "Another anonymous witness claimed that New York Giants team officials were able to influence Plaxico to stay and play in Sunday's football game, which is known as the Super Bowl, the NFL's championship game, which is played only once a year".
You see, writers and reporters, what I did there? It's easy to do, and no one can verify the reports, because the witnesses were unknown. Give it a try! I guarantee people will read your articles with more interest than if they were seeing a player do what we all expect a player to do. And if you need an actual caller to audibly say these things in order to print, then take out a cryptic want ad in the Timbuktu Daily Wipe saying, precisely, "We got bananas right where we need them". I will respond with a phone call, and fill you in on what Tom Brady, Jessica Simpson, Randy Moss, Eli Manning, and Tiki Barber were doing at the Bend, Oregon monster truck rally under the bleachers, with a potato, three carrots, and a brand new Oreck XL. I will be waiting for your ad.