Drunk Eli's Blog

As I lay awake solving the problems of the world I moved on to sports.

After Linsanitizing my mind I came to the next biggest story in the NBA; LBJ/Cavs reunion and the uproar it caused. Everything from "He did it to seek Cleveland's forgiveness" to, "We (Cavs' fans) would never take him back" and "He should just shut up and play ball". So, as I lay there trying to make lemonade, I came up with two excellent solutions! First, LeBron James should stay in Miami and second (even better) solution...LBJ should play for the Los Angeles Lakers!

Think about it. Just about everyone comes out a winner if he comes to L.A. WTF you're asking. Well...here goes:

First and most important, the Lakers win two titles before Kobe retires. This is paramount because it puts the Lakers one title over the Boston Celtics and become the winningest franchise in NBA history (I'll touch on this more in a little bit) and it gives Kobe his seventh ring putting him over Michael Jordan in ring count only. I say 'only' to keep everyone from chastising me because they thought I was trying to make them equal, I'm not. Also, Coach Mike Brown and LBJ will reunite and do it right this time.

Some might say it also applies to the Celtics since they have one more title than the Lakers. True but take this into consideration (LeBron take notes). 10 of the Celtics titles were won before Gloria James (LBJ's mom) was born.

Furthermore, the Boston Celtics have won two titles to the Los Angeles Lakers eight, since the birth of LeBron James. Yep, the Celtics won 11 titles in 13 years with basically the same roster and something like only eight teams,  back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. Which is proof that the Lakers know how to win consistently and that LBJ's chance of winning a title in Hollywood is four times greater than winning one in Beantown.

Only way Pat Riley trades LeBron to an Eastern Conference team is for Dwight Howard, so that leaves the Bulls out! Even then, Riley knows he'd have to get past LBJ in the East to get
to the finals and I'm willing to bet he'd rather see him in the championship game and take his chances that the king would choke it away. Hopefully Riles forgets who Mr. Fourth Quarter really is in L.A.

Another strong candidate could be the San Antonio Spurs. They've never lost a finals, their draft
history has been very successful. They've had Superstars, but not of MJ's caliber, the measuring standard for Superstars. Compared to His Airness are Kobe 'Bean' Bryant and LBJ himself because they have MJ type greatness so, I can't see LeBron suiting up for the Spurs.

And in all fairness they are the Spurs. LeBron James playing for San Antonio would be like having Lassie stand on the street corner holding up a Pets Depot one day only sale sign. And that's just
not right!

Now, back to the 'winningest' franchise in NBA history. Some Boston Celtics fans insist that the Lakers organization only has 11 titles because they moved from Minneapolis, MN where they won five. The reason they stand by this theory is because they know that the Lakers are about to surpass their beloved Celtics in total NBA Championships. Therefore, they refuse to accept the MN titles. As long as they do, they'll think they have more than us and won't mind us winning a
couple more, so that will keep them happy.

Let's touch on the Cleveland Cavaliers: At least some fans are saying they don't want LeBron back with the Cavs which I think is absolute foolishness. He is the most talented player in the NBA today and if he get's over the hump and wins one, he may just win it again and again and again.

They (the fans) will say that LBJ has no heart and chokes in the fourth quarter when it's all on the line. We'd be okay with that in L.A. because we would know how to and to what capacity use LeBron's talent and athleticism. And let's not forget who the Heart and Mr. Fourth Quarter is in Purple and Gold! Then when Kobe retires and hands the team over to LeBron, he'll keep us in contention because he will have experienced victory and the 'No Heart' Tin Man syndrome will be gone and LBJ will have the heart to continue.

If LeBron James is going to win a championship on any team not named Cavaliers, Cleveland fans better hope it's with a team that has a Superstar and Banners up on their rafters. Because nothing would taste more bitter to Cavs fans than if LBJ went to another team and won them their first ever title.

One big reason the Cleveland Cavaliers (team) would want LBJ on the Lakers is that they would only have to play against him twice per year instead of four, and as little as once if there's another shortend season. This in itself would cut Dan Gilbert's sleepless nights in half and make him very happy!

Now, let's make all the Bron haters happy, and while we're at it...Kobe haters as well! We all know that when LeBron wins his first ring with the Lakers, critics and hate mongers will say he couldn't have done it without Kobe! And vice versa, Kobe couldn't win another one without a Superstar next to him. To all of them I say, glad you're happy that these two couldn't win without one another and thank you for the opportunity to prove you right! Then the Brotherhood of the Purple and Gold will rejoice and enjoy more victory parades in Downtown Los Angeles! And who don't love a parade?

In the end, all Eastern Conference teams will be happy that LeBron James is no longer in the East and the West will celebrate yet another Western Conference Championship! Wait how would this make the Miami Heat happy? Well, it would make their biggest fan, the Canadian bound Dee happy and that's good enough for me!

I'm Drunk Eli and not only did I write this blog, I also approve it!

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February 20, 2012  01:49 PM ET


Nice, well constructed thoughts... But HAH never less!!!

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February 20, 2012  05:55 PM ET

Interesting thoughts. I have said in the past that LBJ is welcome to come to LA after Kobe retires but the two of them together would be crazy. Let's get Lin as well and the Laker Dynasty continues!

February 21, 2012  08:51 AM ET

LOL!!! LEGIT ARTICLE ELI!!!! Nicely Done.... But i think that unless LA makes some good moves, they won't be winning another title in the Kobe era...

February 22, 2012  10:44 AM ET

Excellent blog Eli... for a drunken, know nothing, besotted fool!

No really... great job. You have a flair for fantasy. That bit about the LA Lakers only needing one title to tie the Celtics is too funny.

February 23, 2012  08:45 AM ET

just ridiculous....lol

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