In my last blog I blabbered on about Olympic sports that really ought to be banned even from the Special Olympics (e.g. synchronized swimming).
So here's the corollary, things that ought to be added to the Olympics. I believe we should combine different sports.
First off, the most bad-ass combo ever: the 400 Clean and Jerk. The competitor has to clean and jerk at least 250 lbs. (or whatever the hell that is in kilos) at the start of the 400 meters. Then he has to keep the weight extended fully over his head for the entire race, the first guy to cross the finish line, without assistance from a defibrillaor gets the gold medal. Naturally on the award stand his country's anthem will be played death-metal style.
Next up, Greco-Roman rowing. The superweight Greco-Roman team member acts as coxswain in the rowing event. The rowers challenge is to make it 1000 meters before the boat fills up with water due to the sinking back end. Plus it conjures up the variation on Chris Farley, only this time it's "fat guy in a little boat."
Next, Beach Butterfly: Let's see how tough Michael Phelps is when it's no longer just water he has to plow through. In this event he has to perform on the same surface owned by Misty and Kerri. Try that butterfly stroke in 3 feet of sand tough guy, let's see how fast your 200 meter time is now. Of course while the race is going on the female swimmers act as cheerleaders, wearing the bikini styles of the beach volleyball players.
Finally, baskoxing: Face it teams like Mexico or Burma have no chance to beat the U.S. (or even Canada) in basketball but, it's much closer when boxers get to play. No fouls are called when a player going up for a lay-up or dunk gets hit with a jab. Think Magic Johnson had a high voice? Wait until Kobe takes a full shot in the jewels from a Cuban welterweight during a breakaway. You know you'd pay big for those tickets. Plus the true ball handlers will separate themselves from the pack when they have to dribble in boxing gloves. How cool would it be to see the teams on the medal stand with taped ribs, black eyes, and ice packs.