A fantasy just flew into my head. I could sit on a comfortable Starbucks leather sofa and pummel with questions any NFL quarterbacks.
The first guy on my agenda would be Ryan Fitzpatrick of the Buffalo Bills. Dude graduated from Harvard. Intellectual behemoth, probably.
"So Ryan, was it hard as hell to get through the academic rigors at Harvard"? I would ask first. The questions would then pile up. "What's your IQ and--I bet you know the answer--is yours the highest among all NFL players past and present numbering more than 100,000? What was your most challenging class at Harvard? Anthropology 435? Physics Lab 303? Do you wish you had gone to an easier college? Is the NFL full of pretty smart people? How smart are they compared with Harvard students? Did you ever think while at Harvard that you wanted to be a doctor or a commercial real estate agent, or have you always wanted to be in the NFL? Did you ever consider the Peace Corps? If you had to do it all over again, would you major in something else at Harvard? If so, why? Do you know why the theory of relativity is so important? At Harvard did they have good keg parties?
Unappreciative of my barrage of questions, Ryan would finish guzzling his triple Latte and walk out.
Because it's my fantasy, I make the rules. So right after Ryan left Packers QB Aaron Rodgers would arrive. Dude went to Cal. Berkeley, another top-notch college. I heard he had high SATs and scored high on the NFL combine Wonderlick test of intellectual ability.
"So Aaron," I would ask. "You went to one of the nation's most liberal, free-spirited colleges in America. How did that shape your approach to being an NFL quarterback? So, Aaron, how many babes were chasing you around Berkeley's campus when there? In aggregate, how many girlfriends did you have over your college career? Did you ever tell Brett Favre that you had more than he did in college? If you did, did the two of you fight in the Packers locker room? Was an ESPN reporter on the scene to see it but didn't report it out of respect for the two of you?"
Like Fitzpatrick, Aaron would stroll out the door.
Nevertheless, a third NFL QB would enter: JaMarcus Russell. I know he's not in the league anymore. Just hear me out. The first player overall taken in the draft, winner of a multi-million-dollar contract coming out of Louisiana State University (LSU), Russell more or less lost interest in playing football soon after the ink on his contract was dry. Football bored him or something.
"Tell me, JaMarcus," I would ask, "How does it feel being one of the biggest busts in the history of NFL quarterbacks. You're right up there with the all time bust of all busts, Ryan Leaf?"
JaMarcus would get up as if to leave.
"Wait, JaMarcus," I would said. "Please stay. I won't ask you about playing QB in the NFL anymore. Just tell me. Were there lots of babes at LSU?"