USAIN BOLT
INTERVIEW

He is the only athlete to
ever hold the 100 m, 200 m and 4x100 m relay world records simultaneously.

The reigning Olympic
champion, who is called the world's most marketable athlete and the greatest track
athlete ever! The fastest man on the planet who has more records than Guiness
and Elvis combined---- Usain "Lightning" Bolt!

Huffing and puffing,
sweating and straining, but I... finally.... caught up with... Usain, albeit on my.....
motorcycle.

If I had the opportunity to interview him, this is
what it would sound like.

Kay: You have many
nicknames, what are some of things you've been called?

Bolt: "Besides, the
obvious, ???Lightning Bolt', I've been called ???St. Leo', ???Bolt Cutter', ???Hex
Bolt' (Jamaican Voodoo), ???U-Bolt', ???Bolt Cutter', ???FMOTP' and ???Bolt is a nut'!"

Kay: "What nickname do you
like?"

Bolt: "FMOTP."

Kay: "What does that mean?

Bolt: "Fastest Man On The
Planet."

Kay: "Yeah, like POTUS!
(President of the United States) I watch you run and all I can think of is how
fast you are; your speed is insane! Have you ever been called ???Insain'?"  

Bolt: "That's my brother's
name! And my sister's is Bsain."

Kay: "So... your siblings
are named Insain and Bsain?"

Bolt: "Correct. My mother,Jenniferis a psychologist and my father, Wellesley is a locksmith."

Kay: "Well, that explains
it!"

Bolt: "It sounds good, but
my mother tries to analyze everything and my father tries to fix everything!"

Kay: "Did you ever have
nightmares of speed demons and speed traps growing up?"

Bolt: "And speed freaks, too!"

Kay: "You were born in
Trelway, a small town in the Cypress Hill
section of Jamaica. What was it like growing up there?"

Bolt: "Crazy! Insane!
Trelway is a tiny village, best known for our Jerk Chicken and Speed
Merchants."

Kay: "Speed Merchants? I
know you're fast, but, what?"

Bolt: "Trelway is known
for our manufacturing, bottling and distribution of speed!"

Kay: "You sell speed? The amphetamines, like Crank,
Bennies, Ice and Uppers?"

Bolt: "Oh, no! Not that
kind of speed! We sell Lightning in a bottle, that kind of speed!" 

Kay: "Lightning in a
bottle? You mean Gatorade?"

Bolt: "No, how many times
have you heard, ???I wish I could bottle _____ and sell it', well we do!" 

Kay: "C'mon you don't sell
lightning!"

Bolt: "We sell Fast As Lightning! It's our
Jamaican ???fast twitch muscle formula.'" We sell it in 100m, 200m and 4x100m
individual bottles."

Kay: "If you sell Fast As Lightning, then why does
everyone on the island move so s...l...o...w?"

Bolt: "It's for the tourists!"

Kay: "So what's the
secret? Why are there so many world class track athletes on an island smaller
that Connecticut with a population less than 3 million?"

Bolt: "A lot of has to do
with diet and exercise; Jerk Chicken and crickets"

Kay: "So, you eat a lot of
chicken and play lots of cricket; what's so special about that?"

Bolt: "Well, you are
right, but not totally right! Before you can eat Jerk Chicken, you must catch
the Jerk Chicken and we have some of the fastest Jerk Chickens in the world!" 

Kay: "And Cricket is good
for eye hand coordination, hitting, bowling and catching the ball?"

Bolt: "Yes, but we use
crickets for the small children."

Kay: "You use crickets for
small children, but I thought it was a sport?"

Bolt: "You are correct.
But, we use crickets to train little kids to become fast and agile."

Kay: "You mean the
children chase and catch crickets?"

Bolt: "Yes, it builds
speed, eye hand coordination and agility, besides, they taste good!"

Kay: "Have you ever been
scared to race anyone?"

Bolt: "There was, one time, a few years ago, this guy
named Jimmy John, who worked at a
sandwich shop, and everyone was telling me he was, ???so fast, you'll freak!'

Kay: "So, what
was the outcome?"

Bolt: "I toasted him!"

Kay: "Early in
your career, you were often criticized as being, lackadaisical--- that you
didn't train hard and lacked commitment to your sport. Critics said, that you
were, ???always on the move, but going nowhere fast'! What do you say to them
now?" 

Bolt: "Speed
kills!"

Kay:  "Forbes magazine reported that you make in
excess of $20 million dollars a year, where does all that money come from?

Bolt: "Some from
events, some from appearances, but mostly from endorsements."

Kay: "Puma pays
you, reportedly $9 million dollars per year, what other companies' do you
endorse?"

Bolt: "I choose
companies that fit my persona, my sport and my country. I first signed with
Puma when I was 16 years old. Pumas are sleek, fast and stealthy like me!

  I endorse Gatorade, because they are the
world leader in ???lightning in a bottle,' sales and when I am out of Jamaica, I
can rely on them to replenish my speed when I train and race.

 I like Visa, because ???It's Everywhere You Want
To Be!' And I travel a lot!

And Nissan,
because they are ???Built for the Human Race,' and I like to race!

Kay: "What about Virgin Media?"

Bolt: "I am not a big media guy, but I do like.....

Kay: "Virgins?"

Bolt: "I was going to say, Richard Branson. I wouldn't
touch that with a ten foot pole vault!"

Kay: "What about the Jamaican based mobile phone company,
Digicel? Aren't you in partnership with them?"

Bolt: "I've been with Digicel since 2004, when I was 16
years old. They started out slowly,
but now they have some of the fastest networks in the Caribbean and Central
America!

Kay: "What about Sprint Cellular, weren't they courting
you too?"

Bolt: "After I shattered the 100m world record (9.58) in
Berlin at the 2009 World Championships, Sprint came calling."

Kay: "Can you hear me now?"

Bolt: "They offered me a lot of money!"

Kay: "Signing with Sprint sounds like it would fit you
perfectly! You're fast and they're fast too!"

Bolt: "Yeah, but they're a really fast company!"

Kay: "So, why not?"

Bolt: "Not only are they a fast company, they talk fast
too!"

Kay: "They talk too fast for you?"

Bolt: "Sprint touted themselves as a ???really fast
company,' their great coverage, plans, service, and devices.  They said their downloads were super fast
like me and their smart phones are more intelligent, more educated and more
well rounded than any other smart phone on the market." 

Kay: "Wouldn't that put you on the fast track?"

Bolt: "It's fast money, but it's.... hard and fast!" 

Kay: "I think that's what the competition is thinking when
they line up against you!"

Bolt: "I like the way you think, Kay!"

I'm out

Catch Me If You Can!

Copyright 2012 Steve Kay