Josh Q. Public: We're doing fine on the One and Nine line. On the L we're doin' swell. On the number Ten bus we fight and fuss. ‘Cause we're thorough in the boroughs and that's a must. -Beastie Boys
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go. Huge rivalry, right? Interleague play, right?. Mets/Yankees. Super Subway Series. Super Duper Subway Series. Mark Duper. Dressed up like a million-dollar trooper. Tryin' hard to look like Gary Cooper. Super duper. Optimus Prime vs. Megatron, right? Transformers, more than meets the eyes. Transformers, robots in disguise. I am siding with Chuck D. and Flav on this one: We don't need it do we? It's fake that's what it be to ‘ya, dig me? Don't believe the hype! I don't believe the hype. I walk around the City every day. City sidewalks, busy sidewalks. There's no buzz. There's no electricity. There's no chitchat by the water cooler. No big splash in swimming pooler. This one doesn't make the big dog drooler. No one cares. Willie Randolph doesn't care: "To be honest with you, and tell you the truth, we'd rather not play these games really, to tell you the truth. But the fact that we have to play ‘em, might as well have fun with it." Exciting. Riveting. Breathtaking. And turned to hear you say. If only for today. I am unafraid. Take my breath away. Hardly. This rivalry is a travesty. A travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham. Let me hear you say, this **** is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This ain't Sox/Yankees. This ain't Cardinals/Cubs. This ain't Dodgers/Giants. Stanley, see this? This is this. This ain't something else. This is this. From now on, you're on your own. Met fans hate the Yankees. Yankee fans hate Met fans. That's about the extent of it. New York Newsday's Mark Herrmann says: "This rivalry is not what it used to be." Not what it used to be? What was it? What was it you wanted? Tell me again so I'll know. What's happening in there? What's going on in your show? Interleague play only started in 1997. They played once in a World Series. What memorable moments of this "rivalry" are there. I scoured my big brain for hours. This is all I could up with: 1) Rocket throwing a bat at Sam Champion's boyfriend. 2) 1976. Rick Cerone makes a 10 Jeans ad. To counter, the Mets call up Lee Mazzilli, teen idol. 3) While George Costanza is working for the Yankees, the Mets recruit him for the position of Director of Scouting. That's it folks. If anyone can think of anything else, anything at all, please let me know; because I surely can't. And don't call me Shirley. Petey throwing Zimmer to the ground. Doc and Bird grabbing each other by the throats. Playoff game after playoff game. That's the stuff rivalries are made of. Not dungarees and Sienfeld. Sure this is an intriguing match-up. Baseball is full of intriguing match-ups. However, to call this a rivalry, is just silly. I'll be watching this week-end. I'll be watching for the same reason I always watch. To see the Yankees lose. Let's Go Mets!
Chompers Says: My buddy Chompers was at Game 5 of the 2000 World Subway Series. After the game, he stormed security to get Clemens' autograph. While getting it, Chompers says, "You are not wearing a Jays hat in the Hall." Chompers is Canadian. He hates Clemens just like us. For the same reasons. I saw the autograph. And not for nothing, from St. Catherine's to Vancouver, Chompers says, Flutie made a nation of Bills, Chargers, and Patriots fans. Literally. A nation of fans.
PS: What's the magic number now? Six?
Public Acknowledgements: Taco, Takara, Public Enemy, Bing Crosby, New York Daily News, Jessica Simpson, Woody Allen, Gwen Stefani, Deer Hunter, Bob Dylan, Seinfeld and Airplane.
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!