Hail, Jessica Simpson. You ruined Tony Romance. Women do that to guys sometimes. To be fair, guys do that to women sometimes.
A few years back "Tone" got the big contract, realized he could date bombshells like you, and got distracted from football. He forgot who he was, lost his footing, so to speak, unlearned why football mattered, discovered Romance. You started to matter to TR. Too much, I imagine. You sealed his fate.
Don't get me wrong. You're gorgeous. If I were not married, I might consider dating you.
Tone brought me bliss last night. He tossed that interception on the screen pass that put my Skins in the playoffs. The bigger picture looks even prettier: The Skins have Bobby Griffin The Third. He doesn't have to win another game. He won a behemoth one last night. His legacy is secure. Any time you're the Skins QB and you knock the Cowboys out of the playoffs the same night you clinch the NFC East, you have done it all in the minds of Washingtonians. Washington bows in homage to him, their Zeus.
As Joe Namath is forever to New York, RG3 is now forever to D.C. He has that magnetism, like Namath. He has that charm, like Namath. He has that confidence, like Namath. He has that swagger, like Namath. He has that smoothness, like Namath. He's super cool, like Namath. He can date anyone he wants to, like Namath.
As talented as he is, he is a better human being and that's what makes this marvelous. Like Tom Brady-who has done it all as an NFL QB-RG3 arrives first in the morning at Redskin Park and leaves last. Nothing impresses me more, not even his world-class speed. He works at his craft, shows the rest of the team he's not a millionaire prima donna. His teammates like him. Hard workers gain respect especially ones you might expect would not work hard given their prodigious natural talents. RG3 earned the respect of his teammates. Washington has a new Father Figure; the Skins have Abe Lincoln.
Plus a Favorite Son, out-of-nowhere running back Alfred Morris, who crashed, banged, and slashed for the most impressive 200 running yards in Redskins history. Who would have thought he would run over the Cowboys the way he did? Who is this guy? Until last night, the preponderance of TV viewers outside Washington had not heard of this guy. He wasn't in the Heisman Trophy discussion last year. He played for Florida Atlantic University. Alabama that is not.
The guy killed it last night for 95,000 stadium fans and the entire country watching on TV. Of all the great running backs in Redskins history including John Riggins and Larry Brown, they were never better than Morris last night.
It's easy to feel like being a jerk today to the few guys I know who root for the Giants and have taunted me the past 20 years about how bad my team has been. But I promise not to call you out publicly, Steve G., Ted, Steve M., John, Rich, and Tom. You each had a disconcerting day yesterday and I'm not going to pile on. Keep telling yourselves yesterday was an anomaly. You're probably right. RG3 will only be the Skins QB for another 10 years. Your funk will pass faster than an RG3 fake hand-off. Washington's love affair with him is sure to be fleeting. Just ask Tony Romance.