Stop it, Coach K. You're killing America. This nation is already beleaguered enough with the runaway national deficit, global warming, and the Kardashians. We need a break from the bad news.
Stop yourself right now. Stop winning. Just stop already.
As coach of Duke's dynastic basketball team, you win so much it's nauseating. You have overdosed on winning many times over. America has overdosed on you winning just as much.
Stop going to Final Fours. Stop telling us about how you lead with the heart. Retire from you position now. Go. Scram.
You anger countless millions of Americans who are annoyed by your teams winning all the time. It's not pleasant being us watching you do this. You epitomize a stale and distasteful movie everyone has seen many times before. It's like torture, a root canal gone awry. We dislike how we feel as we see you win game after game after national title after national title. You make everyone else feel small. You are big; we are tiny. You know it and we know it. It's not healthy for our nation.
But you won't listen to us because you are, as you love to remind us, focused on your team and leading with your heart. You don't care about us because we don't play for Duke's basketball team. We are below you, mere road kill. We haven't been indoctrinated in your worldview under your spiritual spell. We don't get it. We don't get life. We are lost souls. You are the way, the truth and the life.
You are the only American who is not lost. You know who you are. You have a sense of where you've been and where you're headed. You have a belief system. You have values. You live a life philosophy. Did I mention that you lead with your heart? Your players respond to you like no coach or leader of any group in the history of mankind. I'm talking dinosaurs until this moment.
You are the king. You are the master. You are heroic. You are Nero. You are the Emperor. You tower above the world. You are smart. You are innovative. You are successful. You went to West Point. No one can touch you. You are invincible. You are the most amazing person this world has ever known.
Most importantly, you care. You teach your players how to live their lives the right way. You are honest with them. This is a scant commodity in our society these days. We need more honesty. We need thousands of leaders like you who have everything figured out. You are so right about this honesty thing.
You are doing now what you always do, leading your team with your heart into the Sweet 16 and beyond. So how many Sweet 16s have you been to now? I've lost count. Thirty? Thirty five? You've been to more Sweet 16s than there are smartphones.
You will win your Sweet 16 game and move on to the Elite 8. How many of those have you been to, K? A few dozen? Do you ever feel guilty that you get to enjoy so much more basketball glory than any other coach and team? Does it bother you at all? You talk about leading with the heart. It seems heartless of you to hoard all these fun living and professional endorphin kicks. If you truly led with the heart, you would find some way to let some other teams bask in these moments. How about you lose once in a while on purpose? Ever consider that? I sense not. As gigantic a human being as you are, you don't seem to care about their glory. You care about yours. You care about Duke's basketball team. This is your only concern. Not the rest of us.
What heart you possess.
Once you win the Elite 8 game you will get to go to your second home, the Final Four. You've been to more Final Fours than Charlie Sheen has had drinks. American's blood will boil when this happens. You see, K, they're tired of you and your schtick. They are emotionally weakened and bludgeoned by your way of doing things and you screaming and intimidating refs. They're weary, K. They're worn out of everything about you. We can't take this anymore.
Don't you get it? Don't you feel bad for us that you're putting us through such widespread American misery? Does it keep you awake at night? Do you really think going to another Final Four is healthy for the American psyche? Do you have any sort of heart at all?
As I watch your team cut down the nets in less than two weeks to win your fifth national championship, I will be fantasizing about the party back at your hotel suite with the Duke family. Lots of former players will join the celebration. All your champions will re-unite. How perfect for you and your inner circle; how sad for everyone else.
There will be plenty of food and drink. You will splurge because you have a big heart. Showing your lighter side, you will partake of a glass or two of wine. Being a Man for All Seasons, a learned scholar, I'm sure you know that Jesus also drank wine awhile back. I see the two of you are kindred spirits, virtually one-in-the-same.
Win it all, K. Win it all again for yourself and your Duke players.
Win with all your heart. Win the Duke way.
Never mind everyone else. We're not worthy of your concern.