Earlier this week I shared what my sports pals and I think and email about regularly. Today I'll fill you in on what we don't email or think about. It feels right to round out the story before the week gets too far along.

We don't think about asphalt nor high-occupancy vehicles. We don't think about bumble bees. We don't think about the Pantone Matching System. These are not sports topics. Oh well.

We don't think about Andy Messersmith nor John Candelaria ("The Candy Man") nor Tony Eason. We don't think about the infield fly rule.  We don't think about what size shoes the wives of major league umpires wear. The subject of where Jason Bay went to grade school never comes up. Where some guys went to high school occasionally comes up. But grade schools are not on our radar. But whether they were good at algebra has had the potential to come up but never has.

We don't exchange ideas about which NBA mascot has tooth decay. We have never debated the pros and cons of eating Rice Krispies after squash practice. We never talk about foosball. We almost got into the subject of...well, come to think of, no we didn't.

Solar eclipses and their effect on rodeos have never come up. In fact, rodeos aren't on our radar screens. If we talk about sports movies, it's never about ice dancers and whether they liked the movie "Rocky" or not. We're not big on the whole ice dancing scene.

Long ago we may have had some interest in insect repellant and the market for its use among major league baseball players. But we've grown beyond interest in that. We're not looking for new business opportunities. We realize it's not that important.

A whole range of other sports topics, situations, and idiosyncrasies never come up in our emails. For instance, not once has the subject of creamed corn surfaced in the context of National Water Skiing Day held every year on a lake. Not once has the situation of Dennis Rodman being interested in pancakes ever come up. I like syrup but who cares if he likes it. Never in our lives have we postulated how a lemonade stand could be set up outside the Women's Final Four venue.

I could tell you we have ruminated together about Captain Kangaroo's love affair with Acapulco Sky Diving. But that would be misleading. We have expressed interest in watching those men hurl themselves into flight from the side of mountains 300 feet above sea level. But Captain Kangaroo didn't make his way into the discourse. Maybe he should have.

When I really think it through, there are almost an infinite number of other subjects we don't think about. Add these to your ever-expanding list and save in a Microsoft Word Excel Spreadsheet: common denominators, Billy Joe Tolliver, Mary Tyler Moore, dart throwing in Kansas, kaleidoscopes, phantoms in pool halls, crony car parkers, mussels, delirium over helium, senioritis, Frito Bandito, gray kittens, The Maypole of Marymount, Eddie Brinkman, Merv Rettunmund, Arizona, and Parcheesi.

I suppose by now you're wondering where I'm going with this. First let me tell you where I'm not going. I'm not going to break wood with my bare hands unless there's some cash on the line. I'm not going to throw a slurve just because the hitter seems confused. I'm not going to throw a Frisbee to my friend Brad just because it's Thursday. This is not the time to do any of this.

Play on, bro.


May 16, 2013  03:14 PM ET

Damn.. and here I was ready to discuss the standardized color reproduction system known as the Pantone Matching System and creamed corn


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