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Beautiful is truth, truth beauty. That is all ye know on Earth and all ye need to know.

John Keats "Ode on a Grecian Urn" (1819)

I get it, Alex Rodriguez. Your life has become wicked complicated with all the steroid allegations, injuries, Minor League games in limbo. So I'm here to simplify your situation. Focus on these two words: Cameron Diaz. Start dating her again. Call her up right now. Succumb to those man-melting blue eyes. Have popcorn with her again at a Yankee game. She's where your happiness lies. Most women bring most men happiness.

Your intense desire to be placed back on the Yankee squad is misguided. Baseball does not bring happiness. Forget baseball. It's a cruel game. It makes a chump out of even the greatest stars such as, say, Ryan Braun. It's a game of mistakes. There is so much that can go wrong and almost always does. The best players who have ever lived, such as Joe DiMaggio, have had slumps that have nearly crushed them mentally.

Why be so persistent as you continue to get back into the Yankee line-up? Something tells me they don't want you back. Are you picking up on that vibe? Do you want to push to play for a team that doesn't want you to play for them? Why are you so focused on running into a situation where you will be a pariah and vilified and booed when you come to the plate?

I think I know why. You'll tolerate all of it because you want to be paid over tens of millions of scratch the Yankees owe you. Why else would anyone voluntarily seek out such a toxic situation? It's not for the love of the game. It's for the love of the money. Ryan Braun showed us that this week.

But really, do you need more money? Cameron no doubt dated you for other reasons than the fact that you were one of the highest paid players in baseball history. She liked how you looked. Right? The attraction was not purely monetary. She probably thought you were funny and interesting also, but who am I to get into the mind of a super-babe Hollywood actress? You two lived that dream.

Relationships often don't last, and within a few weeks you and Cam might hit a rough patch and break things off. Yet be confident-as you always are-that you can find another gorgeous women to date you and eat popcorn with. You have star power. You're drenched in cash. You don't need baseball anymore and baseball seems to not need you anymore. The truth sends us all reeling sometimes. You're really reeling right now.

But my gut tells me you need women. Many men do. There are plenty out there. Your batting average scoring dates will soar much higher than at the plate in the major leagues. Why put yourself through the torture of sliders and change-ups, a .280 batting average at best the rest of your career, and 24 teammates and the entire Yankee front office brass who don't want you around, when you can retire today and start dating beautiful women constantly? You can hang out at beaches and swimming pools--even performance enhancing drug clinics if you want--without anyone really bothering you about that anymore.

Call me crazy, but my sense is baseball isn't as fun as dating women. I know, they kind of go hand in hand. If you play good baseball, you become a star. When you become a star, more beautiful women want to date you. But you've already become a major star. I realize some, or most, of your 600 or so home runs may have been while on the juice. But that's in your past. It's time to look ahead. Juice is juice but home runs are home runs.

Your baseball future looks bleak. Your general manager doesn't seem to be fond of you. Recently he called you "complicated."  Doesn't sound like love to me. Isn't life complicated, Alex?

You may get suspended for 100 games or more for using performance enhancing drugs. You've already been caught using them. And admitted to using them after lying that you had not. You have always dreamed of being inducted into the Hall of Fame. It's not looking promising on that, either. But most women probably won't decide to go out with you based on whether you will be a Hall of Famer one day or not.

Why not call it a baseball career and hang up your spikes? No one will really be upset in the baseball world. I don't care to see you play again. Whatever you say isn't trustworthy. You had a lot of talent and posted impressive statistics. And you worked hard to become as great as you were and I respected that. I really did.

But I think your future would have more upside away from the game, living the dating game. Last time I checked, Cameron Diaz looked a lot more attractive than Brian Cashman and Jaba Chamberlain.

 

 

 

 

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