Congressman Larry - Curley Stooge, you have been called before this committee to answer charges by Moe Stooge that he shot you up with steroids. How do you plead?
Curley - I plead...absent!
Moe - Shaddup, ya' mutt! You can't plead absent. You're sittin' right here!
Curley - Well, in that case I plead insanity.
Moe - Your honor, Curley's throwing arm was like a wet noodle. But after I shot him up with steroids he won 30 games with an ERA of 0.00. He also won the Kentucky Derby.
Curley - That wasn't steroids. That was chewable vitamins.
Moe - If it was chewable vitamins, why didn't you chew them?
Curley - ‘Cause you stole my teeth! [barks like a dog] Rrrrrr-rrrr-rrrrr! Woof! Woof!
Moe - Down, boy! [hits Curley on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper]
Curley - Hey, that smarts!
Moe - Oh, in that case let me smarten you up some more, ya mutt! [hits him again]
Larry - [bangs gavel] Order in the court! Behave yourselves! These are congressional hearings!
Curley - I forgot my hearings aid nyuk-nyuk!
Larry - Now, Moe, lemme see your evidence.
Moe - I saved the needles for ten years in this beer can.
Curley - Gimme dat! [starts drinking beer from the can] Glug-glug-glug! Hey, this beer's stale! I object!
Larry - Moe, can you tell the committee where this shooting up took place?
Moe - Yes, your honor. In the alley behind the saloon across from Yankee Stadium. I also shot up Curley's wife. Also his kids, his dog and his goldfish.
Larry - And what was the result?
Moe - His wife won the wrestling championship, his kids won the Little League, his dog came in first at the Kennel Show and his goldfish swam across San Francisco Bay pulling a ferryboat.
Curley - Look, the goldfish is 24-karat gold! I still got him on a chain around my neck.
Larry - As a professional baseball player, didn't you know that by getting shot up with steroids you were breaking the law?
Curley - Moe didn't tell me they were steroids. He told me they were asteroids.
Larry - Asteroids? Moe, you told Curley you were going to shoot him up with asteroids?
Moe - No, your honor. When Curley asked me where the steroids came from, I told him they were manufactured by the A.ss Steroid Company in San Francisco.
Larry - Why do they call themselves the A.ss Steroid Company?
Moe - ‘Cause that's where you shoot the steroids. In the a.ss.
Curley - See, I told ya! I thought I was getting shot up with asteroids. You know, like "Twinkle twinkle little star." Like Peter Pan and the fairy dust.
Moe - Why don't you shut up, you idiot!
Curley - I thought I was going to sail away on Captain Hook's flying pirate ship.
Moe - Your honor, may I be excused? I think I'm gonna puke!
Larry - Stay right there until we get to the bottom of this! Moe, as a former police officer didn't you know you were peddling dope to a moron?
Moe - I know, but I was betting on him to win?
Larry - What, the World Series?
Moe - No, the Indy 500. It's cheaper than buying a car.
Curley - Vroom-vroom!
Larry - Well, I hope these hearings have shown you boys the error of your ways.
Curley - No runs, no hits, no errors!
The Three Stooges Sing Hip-Hop: http://www.200motels.net/Stoogeship.html