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Congressman Larry - Curley Stooge, you have been called before this committee to answer charges by Moe Stooge that he shot you up with steroids.  How do you plead?

 

Curley - I plead...absent!

 

Moe - Shaddup, ya' mutt!  You can't plead absent.  You're sittin' right here!

 

Curley - Well, in that case I plead insanity.

 

Moe - Your honor, Curley's throwing arm was like a wet noodle.  But after I shot him up with steroids he won 30 games with an ERA of 0.00.  He also won the Kentucky Derby.

 

Curley - That wasn't steroids.  That was chewable vitamins.

 

Moe - If it was chewable vitamins, why didn't you chew them?

 

Curley - ‘Cause you stole my teeth! [barks like a dog]  Rrrrrr-rrrr-rrrrr!  Woof!  Woof!

 

Moe - Down, boy! [hits Curley on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper]

 

Curley - Hey, that smarts!

 

Moe - Oh, in that case let me smarten you up some more, ya mutt! [hits him again]

 

Larry - [bangs gavel] Order in the court!  Behave yourselves!  These are congressional hearings!

 

Curley - I forgot my hearings aid nyuk-nyuk!

 

Larry - Now, Moe, lemme see your evidence.

 

Moe - I saved the needles for ten years in this beer can.

 

Curley - Gimme dat!  [starts drinking beer from the can]  Glug-glug-glug!  Hey, this beer's stale!  I object!

 

Larry - Moe, can you tell the committee where this shooting up took place?

 

Moe - Yes, your honor.  In the alley behind the saloon across from Yankee Stadium.  I also shot up Curley's wife.  Also his kids, his dog and his goldfish.

 

Larry - And what was the result?

 

Moe - His wife won the wrestling championship, his kids won the Little League, his dog came in first at the Kennel Show and his goldfish swam across San Francisco Bay pulling a ferryboat.

 

Curley - Look, the goldfish is 24-karat gold!  I still got him on a chain around my neck.

 

Larry - As a professional baseball player, didn't you know that by getting shot up with steroids you were breaking the law?

 

Curley - Moe didn't tell me they were steroids.  He told me they were asteroids.

 

Larry - Asteroids?  Moe, you told Curley you were going to shoot him up with asteroids?

 

Moe - No, your honor.  When Curley asked me where the steroids came from, I told him they were manufactured by the A.ss Steroid Company in San Francisco.

 

Larry - Why do they call themselves the A.ss Steroid Company?

 

Moe -  ‘Cause that's where you shoot the steroids.  In the a.ss.

 

Curley - See, I told ya!  I thought I was getting shot up with asteroids.  You know, like "Twinkle twinkle little star."  Like Peter Pan and the fairy dust.

 

Moe - Why don't you shut up, you idiot!

 

Curley - I thought I was going to sail away on Captain Hook's flying pirate ship.

 

Moe - Your honor, may I be excused?  I think I'm gonna puke!

 

Larry - Stay right there until we get to the bottom of this!  Moe, as a former police officer didn't you know you were peddling dope to a moron?

 

Moe - I know, but I was betting on him to win?

 

Larry - What, the World Series?

 

Moe - No, the Indy 500.  It's cheaper than buying a car.

 

Curley - Vroom-vroom!

 

Larry - Well, I hope these hearings have shown you boys the error of your ways.

 

Curley - No runs, no hits, no errors!

The Three Stooges Sing Hip-Hop: http://www.200motels.net/Stoogeship.html

 

The Three Stooges In Iraq: http://www.200motels.net/JIHADIS.html

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