Welcome back to another hilarious season of the World's Worst Football Picks. These picks are so bad you can't even count on them to be bad. Don't bet with me but, frankly, don't always bet against me. I'm right just often enough to be painful.
Again, I have joined a local football pool which requires you to assign points to each pick. In other words, you not only have to pick the winner but you also have to say how sure you are of your winner. In a week with 16 games like Week 1, you assign 16 points to the winner about whom you are most certain, 15 points to your second best pick and on down to 1 point for the game you really feel you have no clue on.
In order to keep you in the loop, I have included the points I've assigned to each pick in brackets at the end of my hopefully brief, hopefully intelligent and, if not intelligent, hopefully funny explanation of my pick.
So here we go with the World's Worst Football Picks for NFL Week 1:
Denver over Baltimore: Manning to Welker. Manning to Welker. Manning to Welker. Flacco to... who? (11)
Kansas City to beat Jacksonville: I like Smith. I like Smith to Bowe. I like Charles. And I think they'll want to win the first one for their new coach. Plus, I have not heard or read one word about the Jags. (13)
Tampa over the Jets: A solid team versus a nut house with an idiot for a coach. Who is playing quarterback for the Jests? Who's starting at cornerback? (12)
Indy to beat Oakland: Easy pick. Why? Two words: Terelle Pryor. I mean, I like the guy but as a starting quartback? In the NFL? (10)
New Orleans over Atlanta: Tough pick. Pick'em game. I go with the Saints because they're at home and I think they'll be motivated to prove early that they're back after Suspension Season. (8)
Minny to beat Detroit: Yikes. I am not sure about this one. But there's Adrian Peterson and, to be honest, I don't trust the Lions defense. Nor their offense. I like their punt team, though... (9)
Tennessee to beat Pittsburgh: I think I got this wrong. But the Titans are a team to watch while Pittsburgh is still ironing out some issues on the front line. (7)
Cleveland over Miami: No clue. These are two teams that I hope to have a bit of a bead on by mid-season. For some reason, the Browns seem like the pick in week one. Sorry Vaughn Martin. (6)
New England to beat Buffalo: Let's see. Tom Brady or... an undrafted rookie? An injured highly drafted rookie? A defense that is trying to pull things together? (16)
Cincinnati over Chicago: I really really want to pick former CFL coach Marc Trestman to win his first NFL game. But I can't. I see big things for the Bengals. (5)
Seattle to beat Carolina: Last year's big thing at QB versus the year before's big thing at QB. Doesn't really matter: the Seahawks are simply the better team. (14)
San Fran over Green Bay: Ohhh, another tough one. If it were at Lambeau, I'd pick the Pack. But it's in Frisco and I think the 'Niners want to come out strong at the start of the season. (4)
St. Louis over Arizona: A guy at the office seems to think the Rams are in for a big season, especially on defense. Here's to my faith in his opinion. (15)
Dallas to beat the Giants: Statement game for Tony Romo. Statement game for the Dallas D. Too bad for the Cowboys, I think it's about the only statement they'll make this year. (3)
Washington over Philadelphia: I cannot wait for this game. This is going to be great great great. And I don't expect it to be the offensive show people are predicting. I say the 'Skins win it 27-24 as a quality Washington defense takes a stand against the Chip Kelly circus. (2)
San Diego to beat Houston: I read somewhere that the team that played in Philadelphia for the Eagles' home opener has won the Super Bowl in each of the last four seasons. Crazy, huh? Well, guess who's playing in the City of Brotherly Love for the Eagles' first home game of the season. That's right, San Diego. All of that, of course, is intended to cover up the fact that I have no clue about either of these teams. (1)