FanNation - The Republic of Sport

Hello jet-setting boys and girls with your tops down, screaming out "Money ain't a thang!"....oh wait, it is.

Welcome to 2008's 1st Edition of You Know What Really Grinds My Gears - Dolla Dolla Bills Ya'll Edition.

It's free agency period in the NFL folks and you know what that means!  Payday for some of the most unknown NFL players getting signing bonuses & guaranteed money that we all could only dream of.

Now, one of the favorite things players love to say, upon joining a new team, is "I just want a chance to be able to win and get back to the Super Bowl. That's why I picked the ______".  In this edition's case, our morally bankrupt, spreader of lies is none other than Asante Samuels.  After having gone to the Super Bowl with New England and lost, he goes and gets his payday and joins the Eagles and thus issues the above statement.

Now without being too quick to judge, somehow I feel that if you really wanted to go back to the SB, you would have worked out a deal with New England, but can you at least be frank and say "I need the money for a new Cadillac" or "I need the money to get my air-bag fixed"

Or perhaps this jewel tickles your fancy...this from Corey Williams who recently was traded to Cleveland.  ""I feel like I am wanted here. It feels like home to me and I've only been here one day. I already feel like I got the love that I have been looking for. I'm happy and excited about it."  One day.....that's it and you're already in love with your new city and team?  I wasn't even born in 1 day.

Now what is one team's benefit is another team's loss (or possible gain), but consider this.  We all know that the Chicago Bears had an atrocious offense this season but considering they're left with Orton & Grossman throwing the ball and having lost Griese and Bernard Berrian to free agency and cut Muhsin Muhammed, Chicago may as well get started putting up these signs around the Bear's facility and Chicago...

Speaking of Chicago, it's almost baseball season.  One of the best things someone can do to gain the respect and trust of a Chicago citizen, is to attend a baseball game with them at Wrigley Field, the home of the Chicago Cubs. When most people think of the Chicago Cubs they think of tradition, ivy covered walls, Fergie Jenkins & Harry Caray. A more accurate representation would be khaki shorts, frat boys & rich white business men on their iphones. The 1980s television show Perfect Strangers best illustrates this point. In the opening credits, foreigner Balky Bartokomous is taken to Wrigley Field. This was more or less symbolic of what Balky had to do, to understand Chicagoans.

Reasons why people like Wrigley Field
1. Experiencing tradition at a high cost
2. Located on the North Side
3. Its Trendy
4. Comfortable Surroundings

1. Experiencing tradition at a high cost

The main reason why people flock to Wrigley Field each year is the fact that it is one of the few ballparks that is trapped in time. People come to experience baseball tradition (although the definition of tradition when it comes to baseball is sketchy, remember the sport did not integrate until 1947). However this tradition comes at a high cost, which people don't mind. On prime dates a ticket in the bleachers costs $45. But this does not deter rich people from enjoying the "simpler things" in life. Wrigley is an old stadium where people still pee in troths, but people love paying top dollar to do this. They also like being around "real baseball fans", even though most of the people in the bleachers are drunk rich frat kids that aren't from Chicago and have no idea who Ernie Banks is. Compare that to the left field pavilion in Dodger Stadium , where tickets are $11 and the people are much more fun and less irritating.

2. Located on the North Side

Wrigley Field is located on the North Side of Chicago. The North side is basically the gentrified, trendy part of Chicago.

3. Its Trendy

Liking the Cubs right now is trendy. They haven't won a World Series since 1908, they are located on the North Side and celebrities like them. Bill Murray, John Cusak, and Hillary Clinton (although she flip flops between them and the Yankees) are all Cubs fans. One should keep up to date on things that are trendy in order to befriend more Chicago people. ie) eating expensive Indian food, shopping Organic, or going on a wild rose detox. So for the upcoming season, try to know at least one player on the Chicago Cubs and defend Mark Prior at all costs

4. Comfortable Surroundings

Wrigley Field is known as the Friendly Confines and people feel comfortable there. Next to a Dave Matthews Band reunion concert, one can not find a bigger collection of khaki shorts and golf shirts than the Wrigley Bleachers.

Lastly, on the subject of baseball and money, we come to Roger Clemens.  I know I may be late to the party on this one, but very recently he was questioned by some members of Congress and Roger emerged with a new tag line of his friend, Andy Pettite, "misremembering".  We all had our chuckles and laughs at him.  Personally, I thought playing the "moron" card was a pretty slick move on his lawyer & his part.  He was too stupid to question his trainer...too stupid to figure out that steroids were illegal...too stupid to know that HGH use isn't allowed either (more recently banned though).

Now let me tell you, it's not easy to fake stupidity...trust me, I've tried.  Roger paid good money and spent valuable time taking lessons from this guy.

Either way kids, that's it for this episode.  I just signed a lucrative contract as the jock strap washer for the local high school football team so I'm going to go somewhere public and make it RAIN BENJAMINS....not to be confused by "raining men", "raining women" or raining anything else.

Also, as an FYI, be on the lookout for my future shocking news of a new SPYGATE SCANDAL!!!