The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have acquired Brian Griese from the Chicago Bears. This gives Tampa Bay six Quarterbacks currently under contract for the 2008 season: Jeff Garcia, Brian Griese, Luke McCown, Bruce Gradkowski, Jake Plummer, and Chris Simms.
When reached for comment, head coach Jon Gruden said the following:
"What can I say? I love me some quarterback!!! Yeah! F***** SCORE, BABY!!!! WHOO!"
This is believed to be the next step by Tampa Bay toward revolutionizing the NFL game by deploying the offensive set code-named "ClusterFudge." With this secret formation, 11 quarterbacks would take the field at once. Gruden, a card carrying Offensive Genius has had the formation in development for years, tinkering away in his secret laboratory.
When asked about his experimental offense Gruden informed the Ram:
"F*** off!!! I'm not telling you s***"
GM Bruce Allen introduced Griese at a news conference earlier this Morning.
Allen: "Hey, I know you! Didn't we toss your sorry behind out on the street years ago?"
Allen: "Why'd you come back? Do you need to borrow some money, son?"
Griese: "Yup. Oh, and you traded for me."
Allen: "I did?"
Allen: "Now why would I do that? (At this point in the press conference Jon Gruden stomps the floor twice then whistles a high C-sharp)
Gruden: "What Mr. Allen means is that you can never have enough quarterbacks on your roster. After all, Brian, here, is just five snaps away from playing."
Griese: "I am?"
Gruden: "Shut up, Brian! Don't make me trade you back to the Bears."
Griese: "I'll be good."
Though terms of the deal were not disclosed. It is believed Mr. Griese was traded for a 6-pack of luke-warm Bud light (roughly, half of Griese's 2008 salary). The move was greeted with mixed reviews throughout the league. Said Colts GM Scott Pioli:
"HA! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Good one. No, seriously, who did Tampa trade for?"
ESPN Analyst Mark Schlereth added this insight:
"I hope they realize they traded for Brian Griese, and not Bob. Either way, they overpaid."
Many in the League office assumed Tampa Bay was joking when they sent in signed contracts from Y.A. Tittle, Sammy Baugh, Johnny Unitas, Otto Graham, and Trent Green in February. One source said:
"I could see them signing geriatrics, and heck, even reanimating the dead, this is Jon Gruden after all, but the Trent Green one was what made us all think it was a joke. I mean, seriously, who would sign him?"
Those five quarterbacks would have brought the team to a total of 11--enough to run Gruden's secret offense. Though the league office has voided the contracts of those five players. It is expected that Tampa Bay will be making runs at free agent quarterbacks Byron Leftwich, David Carr, Daunte Culpepper, Tim Hasselbeck, and Vinny Testaverde to enable them to implement the greatest advance in offense since the T-Formation.
More on this story as it develops.