With the sudden retirement of Brett Favre, NBC Sunday Night Football analyst, John Madden, has asked for a 5 1/2 year leave of absence from NBC to begin preparations for the 2013 Football Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. Planning to arrive by early next week, Madden is hoping to have the best seats staked out before they fill up with still-sobbing cheese-heads.
Madden, when reached for comment issued the following statement:
"Now you see here, Brett Favre (Madden then circles Favre in a 10x14 photo), you know, BOOM, he just played the game like a kid. And, uh, you know he was always just having fun out there. Then Boom! he calls it quits, even though he still has that fastball. Which last season drilled a hole through Greg Jennings chest. What he relly needs is some turducken. That's a duck inside a chicken inside an ostrich, I think. I don't really know. But, you see, Brett Favre was just really Brett Favre...and no one could be Brett Favre better than Brett Favre. Brett Favre....Brett Favre....Boom!....Brett.....(Madden then curls into the fetal position sobbing, still clutching the Brett Favre photo).
Though many have concluded that Madden's known affection for Favre borders on unhealthy (culminating in a cheat code in Madden 08 that changes all players to Brett Favre, while the announcing changes to a John Madden karaoke version of Rod Stewart's "If you want my body") that has not derailed Maddens outspokenness on all Favre-related topics.
Madden instructed that his cruiser be readied for the trip within hours of the retirement announcement. In addition to the hundreds of pounds of salted pork (standard on a Madden Bus trip) a trailer was attached to the bus to haul the thousands of boxes of twinkies and ho-hos needed to prevent Madden from devouring his bus driver.
Though Madden is optimistic about his chances of seeing the ceremony from the front row, the truth is that approximately 43% of Wisconsin has already made the trip to Canton, and set up a gypsy-like "Hooverville" of Packer fans awaiting the induction of their State hero. The other 55.8% will be arriving in waves throughout the next month (remaining 1.2% will remain in Wisconsin to attend Packer games for the next 5 years, to ensure continuous sellouts). Dressed in all-black jerseys with the number "4" on them, the scene represents a funeral mass, albeit one with lots of bratwursts and beer. All tailgaters have been warned of Madden's impending presence and have been instructed to never hold food in their hands, as they may lose their fingers once Madden is within a 40-foot radius.
Counseling services for those coping with the loss of Favre are being managed by the Packer Pope. Although even he finds it hard to get out of bed in the morning these days.
Said Packer Pope:
"This is the beginning of a new era. We now all have to figure out how to find the strength to move on in this terrifying new age called AB...After Brett. John Madden included."