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The New York Post shows a photo of Tampa Bay Bucs coach Jon Gruden caddying for pro golfer John Daly at the PODS Championship in Palm Harbor, FL.  What the picture doesn't show is another guy lugging a golf bag filled with food for Daly, and that bag is heavier than the golf clubs.  Daly looks to have about a 64-inch waist with a massive overhang that reaches halfway down to his knees.  This guy has not seen his pecker since Pete Rose last won a bet.

 

 He looks like he stopped off at IHOP and sucked up all the food.  After seeing this photo of Daly, who should be shot out of one of those pirate cannons in Tampa Bay Stadium, if they could fit his fat butt into the barrel, any mention of golf as a sport should be permanently excised from the lexicon of athletic competition.  You want to make golf a sport?  Then make these fat tubbos run from one hole to the next (which is what I do, but not on the golf course ha-ha!).

 

NFL commish Roger Goodell sent out a memo pressing an NFL campaign to ban organized cheating at the team level.  The memo is proposing unannounced inspection of NFL facilities like locker rooms, press boxes and communications equipment.  This speaks to what I was writing last year, that Bill Belichick might also be wiring the opposing teams' locker rooms for sound, for which I was unceremoniously lambasted by Patriots fans for being ha-ha "un-Patriotic".  I also mentioned the possibility that Belichick might be greasing refs to make bad calls (remember the NBA?) and sending girls to seduce key opposing players.  Just to cite an example of the havoc a woman's behind can wreak on a team's carefully crafted strategy, we needn't go any further than Tony Romo or, dare I say it, Tom Brady.

 

Goodell, having already destroyed the evidence in one instance, has evidently come to the same conclusion.  With hundreds of millions in bets on the line each week, the attraction of getting a fix in is irresistible.  What he is trying to head off is probably a bigger scandal than the 1919 Black Sox affair.

 

It's providential how the cover-ups in baseball and football are unraveling at the same time.  In both cases the question is "what did the commissioner know and when did he know it?"  The top men can try to throw up smokescreens and throw their sports' greatest stars to the wolves to save their own hides, but, as in the case of Nixon and Watergate, once the affair derives a life and momentum of its own, nothing can stop it.

 

In France they say "Cherchez la femme."  In America the phrase is "follow the money", because the motivation is always money, never love.  In baseball the equation for Bud Selig was: bigger players=more performance=more fan satisfaction=more money.  This presupposes that, as John Rocker naively recounted, Selig was always in the loop about steroids until the heat drove him out of the kitchen.  This is a supposition that I am prepared to accept because baseball players gossip more than women at a nail parlor.

 

In football, where team strategy is more a determining factor, getting good intelligence about opposing strategies is what brings in the payday, as the emphasis is more on industrial espionage.  Though this is not to say that more mundane factors such as crooked refs and steroids have no place in the equation.

 

In the old Coppola movie "The Conversation" the whole world was wired for sound and creepy wiseguys with headphones knew everybody's secrets.  If Belichick would have achieved his perfect season that law of the jungle would prevail in the world right now, because nothing succeeds like success.  But he didn't, and now Roger Goodell has gotten religion.  And it's a good thing for all of us.

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