Late breaking news, just in from Major League Baseball headquarters: doctors have now confirmed that Commisioner Bud Selig's case of cranial rectumitis is officially chronic. The diagnosis was confirmed on the heels of Selig's announcement that he will not read the recently released transcript of Barry Bonds' grand jury testimony because, "I don't think there's any reason for me at this time." (See previous Indie Sport post, The Gospel According To Barry, for an excerpted version of the transcript.)
"I think all the lawyers around me will [read the transcript]," said a confused Selig, uncertain about whether the subjects of cheating, lying, substance abuse, and the validity of ballplayer performance are worthy of his attention "at this time."
Given the vascular pressure being exerted on Mr. Selig's cranium by his medical condition, common decency mandates that he must be excused for "misremembering" that now is actually the time.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to Mr. Selig in anticipation of the extraction procedure he will undergo at an undetermined date in the future. According to experts, the probability of success is less than 50-50.
Godspeed, baseball.
- 01:11 PM ET 03.09
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Comments (3) Add A Comment
Selig is a real Richard Cranium...
DJTG_2010
Total Comments (5120)
Good luck, Selig.
Cardsox
Middle Of The..., US
Total Comments (9862)
Hopefully he can resume his right state so we don't have to throw someone unprepared into this mess.
(Cincy)
Jamestown, OH
Total Comments (10951)
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