Is there any player acquisition process that makes less sense than the NBA lottery?

I am a die hard Houston sports fan, well except for the red headed step-child Houston Texans, and one of my first memories as a sports fan is the 86 Celtics stomping the Rockets. From that point on I swore to hate everything that was associated with Larry Bird. The irony of course is that my friends and I still must fight comparisons to him in any pick up games we play to this day. The man looms like a shadow over any caucasian basketball player. I don't mind the comparisons to Pistol Pete when I play but the irony is none of us on the court are old enough to actually have seen him play. 

But through the years I have slowly lowered my gauntlet against the Celtics. As a youngster I can remember reading the Reggie Lewis story and being impacted by the reality that athletes are in fact human. And since the 80's the Celtics have time and time again shown their vulnerability. If you believe in the law of averages then I would say God is definitely do his best to balance out the success of the old mythical Celtics.

As the lottery took place I was sitting in a Church's chicken restaurant. The television in the restaurant was being used by employees who deemed "The Bachelor" as more important than the fates of NBA teams. Combine that with half cooked chicken strips and you see what we are dealing with here.

 I had my friend who was watching the draft text me the order. He even waited a minute between each envelope to create the necessary suspense. So when I received the text with "Number 5 goes to Boston" I nearly dropped my mardi gras sauce all over myself. How, I thought? Why? I didn't finish my meal.

I can't explain it but there is something that has changed about the Celtics' mystique. I grew up hating them all in their Converse laden glory and yet now I feel a certain sense of pity for them. What can be done to right the ship? Do we have to make another "Celtic Pride" movie to appease the sports gods? I don't know the answer Bill. I am a Houston fan. We are talking about a city of teams that forfeit 32 point leads in 3rd quarter NFL playoffs like they were doing their morning routine. We have no problem losing by 40 in a game 7 versus the Mavs. We are the literal version of the song lyric, "Why do you build me up buttercup just to let me down." Tracy Mcgrady will play the roll of Buttercup by the way.

All I can think of now is that somehow the Celtics can package Paul Pierce and the number 5 pick and bring Bill Walton out of retirement. Maybe the Gods will finally be pissed off enough to smite the Celtics front office with a lightning rod and give them a trade for Garnett out of pity. Oh what could have been.