Hey, Mike Wallace. You wanna be considered an elite receiver? You want your quarterback to look to you at key moments to make key plays? Yes?
Then catch that *^&^#($ deep ball in the last minute against Carolina!!! Jerry Rice would have caught it and won the game for his team. Randy Moss too. Any one of those elite guys you think you're as good as would have made that catch and sealed the epic upset.
But not you. You want the glory without doing the work.
Yes, folks, I'm upset. For a while there on Sunday afternoon, it looked like I was going to have a pretty good week. Every team I had picked was in a position to win their games, even my upsets like Miami over Carolina.
Then Wallace drops a deep ball late for the Dolphins and things began to unravel.
I ended up a disgusting 5-8-1 with only 39 of the available 105 points in the pool. I finished SECOND LAST out of 69 poolies.
So this week, I'm determined to do better. Here are the World's Worst Football Picks for Week 13:
Detroit over Green Bay: Nothing like starting out with a tough one. The Lions are the most talented awful team I've ever seen. They are a turnover machine. But they have to be desperate about now and word is Matt Flynn will be starting for GB. Pick Detroit and keep your fingers crossed that Flynn doesn't find his magic back. (3)
Dallas to beat Oakland: My friend Andrew says the Cowboys don't lose in November. Last week they looked pretty good and Romo avoided the big mistake. The Raiders are falling apart. (13)
Pittsburgh over Baltimore: Another tough one but I just have a good feeling about the Steelers. The Ravens can't seem to run the ball while Pittsburgh's defence is playing better and better. (9)
Indy over Tennessee: Is it possible for the Colts to stink out the joint two weeks in a row? They'd have to if they're going to lose to an uneven Titans team. Although I do like what Ryan Fitz is doing for Tennessee. (6)
Cleveland to beat Jacksonville: The Jags are on a mini-roll but the Browns are desperate and playing at home. (14)
Carolina to beat Tampa: The Panthers are proving they are for real, coming back last week to win. So I can't see the Bucs, even with their recent improvement, beating them in Carolina. (15)
Minnesota over Chicago: Is it possible that Vikings offence is finally putting it together? A passing game to go with Adrian Peterson's rejuvenated running? That spells trouble for Chicago. (5)
New England to beat Houston: That win over Denver has got to inspire the Pats to a strong finish. And the Texans are still in disarray. (16)
Philadelphia over Arizona: A hunch call. I'm expecting the Cards to turn the ball over four or five times and the Eagles, with Nick Foles running a balanced offense, to take advantage. (4)
Jests over Miami: There comes a time when a good quarterback will fight back against all the criticism and win some ball games. I say that time is now for Geno Smith. (2)
Buffalo to beat Atlanta: Wow, are the Falcons awful this year! Up there with the Lions for most talented awful team. Count on the 20-thousand or so sleeping fans in Toronto to create a nice quiet atmosphere for the Bills to do their work. (10)
St. Louis over San Francisco: I just don't trust Colin. What kind of a football name is "Colin" anyway? And that Rams defence is one of the best in the league. (8)
San Diego over Cincinnatti: I think this pick is wrong. I have no faith in the consistency of the Chargers at this point and their defence is not playing well. But that Rivers guy... he's playing some great ball. (12)
Kansas City to beat Denver: Another mistake. Denver is going to be really mad after losing that way against NE. But KC is getting desperate with two losses in a row. Either the Chiefs win a close one here or the Broncs blow their doors off. (1)
Giants over Washington: I still think the Giants are on the way back, a slight stutter against Dallas notwithstanding. New York's defence can handle RG 2.5 and Manning will shred the 'Skins' secondary. (11)
Seattle to beat New Orleans: Wow are there ever some great games this week! This one should be an absolute classic. If it was to be played in NO, I'd be picking the Saints. But that 12th man in Seattle will be a difference-maker. (7)
And congratulations to the Saskatchewan Roughriders, winners last week of the CFL's championship, the Grey Cup in epic style at home over my own Hamilton Tiger Cats. The 'Riders are a great team and deserved the win but, come on, if you watched the game, you have to admit, an awful lot of bounces went their way! I'm not saying the 'Cats should have won but it should have been a lot closer but for a couple of early bounces.