The Problem With Cats And Dogs | Indie Sport

Mascotology, the ancient art of projecting March Madness winners on the basis of mascot metaphysics, saw its success rate fall from yesterday's heady 88.2% to a cumulative 78.8% figure after going 11-5 today (see our previous Indie Sport post, Mascotology, for an in-depth briefing on the topic).

With the first round of the NCAA men's basketball tournament now complete, our channeler has accumulated a tournament-worthy record of 26-7, but one that is not yet sufficient to confirm the hypothesis we are testing: that mascotology is as good as, or better than, traditional bracketology methods in prognosticating winners.

A statistical analysis of mascotology's failures reveals that in the 10 games involving Wildcats and dogs our channeler has posted a record of 5-5, which is equivalent to chance.

"I just can't keep the energetic fields of these Wildcats distinct from one another," he moaned, his lower lip quivering as he cupped his forehead in the palms of his hands. "And those dogs. Those damned dogs. There's just too many of them. I keep having visions of these awful hybrids where I can't tell one breed from another."

A classic example of this confusing meld of juxtaposed and interlaced metaphysical fields manifested itself today in our channeler's erroneous picks in the UConn-San Diego game, as well as the Butler-South Alabama game, contests in which he was unable to correctly discern the dog from The Dawg. Indie Sport has obtained exclusive photos of the apparition upon which the failed choice was made, a mixed breed Husky-Bulldog depicted above. One glance at this image reveals the challenges faced by mascotologists when the interstitial plane is crowded with confounding stimuli.

When games involving Wildcats and dogs are factored out, mascotology's record to date is a sterling 21-2, a success rate of 91.3%. And to be honest the two non-feline, non-canine blunders today were exactly that-- blunders.

"I blew it," confessed our channeler, who picked the Commodores of Vandy over the Saints of Siena and the Hoosiers of Indiana over the Razorbacks of Arkansas. Asked where he went wrong, he stated:

"I thought I picked up the vibe that saints were dead and commodores in charge. But saints are eternal and the rank of commodore has been extinct for over half a century. It was a lack of faith on my part. I allowed my agnosticism to get in the way. It was a violation of protocol. Mea culpa."

And Indiana-Arkansas?

"I had powerful visions of Kelvin Sampson and nothing else. It just screamed Hoosiers at me. Now I realize that it signified the pigsty he created at Bloomington with all his recruiting violations. It was sophisticated Razorback imagery in disguise. I got careless and jumped to easy conclusions. I just don't know if I can go on."

With our research at a critical juncture, we have given our channeler the night off to regain his bearings and request your forbearance. We will attempt to coax him into action first thing in the morning, prior to tip off, and post his predictions then as we whittle our way down to the Sweet 16 and determine whether the data justifies continuation of this study or verification of the null hypothesis (that mascotology is mythology garbed in costume).