The Arizona Cardinals players began reporting for off-season conditioning programs, and in an attempt to set the tone for their 2008 season are taking a vote for their team slogan. Many professional teams use these slogans as a focus point and a rallying cry for the challenges the teams will face in the greuling season to come. The top 5 slogans that will be voted on by the players which were submitted earlier this week are:
"At least the weather is nice, here"
"Win or lose, we still get paid"
"Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now"
"Trying is the first step toward failing"
Though many entries were considered. Owner Bill Bidwill selected these 5 finalists.
Bidwill: "We have a very storied tradition here, and we are excited about this teams ability to uphold that tradition. Any one of these fine slogans will tell fans around the NFL just what we're all about. We have won one playoff game since 1948, mostly because we have effectively utilized slogans to keep our goals realistic, and aim for what we can accomplish as last year's slogan ".500 would be pretty ok" proved."
When asked about his teams unconvential approach to motivation by Ram Report urinal cleaner Live Reporter rstowe, Bidwill responded:
Bidwill: "What? Do you realize who you're talking to? We won the Super Bowl last year! Well, the rights to host the Super Bowl anyway. You think just anyone can pull that off? Are you saying you know a better way to run a franchise? Well I've got news for you! I run a team that is one of the top 32 in the NFL every single year! Probably top 40 in the whole US. I must be doing something right! You got that? How many Super Bowls have you hosted, Mr. Smarty-Pants!"
Cardinals Wide Receiver Larry Fitzgerald was disappointed his suggested team slogan didn't make the cut.
Fitzgerald: I thought "At least we're not Atlanta" was perfect for this season. It focuses on the positives, like, you know, us...not being Atlanta."
Career underachiever J.J. Arrington, who submitted two of the five final slogans, was praised by his position coach Maurice Carthon.
Carthon: "J.J. is so in tune with this organization. He's been a Cardinal at heart ever since he was drafted. so that doesn't surprise me at all. He knows that it's the tallest blades of grass that get cut by the lawnmower."
In a stunning development, Quaterback Kurt Warner was unexpectedly released after it was discovered that he had submitted the slogan "Achieve your dreams." Head Coach Ken Wisenhunt explained the move to rstowe.
rstowe: "Why did you choose to release Kurt Warner?"
Wisenhunt: "We've re-evaluated Kurt's place on this team. He just doesn't fit in with what we're trying to accomplish here. We were hoping he'd be able to hold a clipboard and wear a headset, but he just hasn't lived up to that expectation. He threw for 3,400 yards and 27 TD's last year. We don't need some hot-shot showboat making the other players feel bad about themselves."
rstowe: "But why now? He did that during last season, why didn't you put a stop to it then?"
Wisenhunt: "Well, his wife threatened to beat us up if we sent him back to bagging groceries. She scares the bejesus out of me, but I can only take so much. Kurt Warners' slogan just shows how he doesn't fit in with this team. It's time for us to move on and find a new backup quarterback who won't make Matt Leinart cry when he outplays him. Is Joey Harrington still availabe?"
rstowe: "I don't think so, he re-signed with Atlanta."
Wisenhunt: "He did? Maybe Fitzgerald's slogan was pretty good after all."
Wisenhunt: "Yeah, who's there? Hey who is that guy?"
rstowe: "OK...wrapping this up...This is rstowe reporting, see you Ken!"
Wisenhunt: "Oh God, NO!"
(*rstowe dashes out of the room and slams the door as Ken Wisenhunt is torn limb from limb by a rabid Brenda Warner*)