Josh Q. Public: Bye-bye, Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry. Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye. And singin', this'll be the day that I die. This'll be the day that I die. -Don McLean
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Brian Leetch. Just retired. Just put out the fired. It's been all over the telegraph wired. A Connecticut Yankee in Lord Stanley's Court. Cheshire, Connecticut. Born in the USA. A long gone Daddy in the U.S.A. A cool rocking Daddy in the U.S.A. Cool rocking his way to be one of the best American defenseman of all time. Cool rocking his way to the Hall of Fame. Cool rocking his way to the Josh Q. Public All-American Hockey Team:
Goalie: Mike Richter. Iron Mike Richter. The best American to hold a goalie stickter. Lightning quickter. Hotter than a candle wickter. He was hot in the 1996 World Cup. Spectacular in the 1996 World Cup. Spectacular, spectacular. No words in the vernacular can describe this great event. You'll be dumb with wonderment. Team Canada was dumb with wonderment. Dumb with wonderment in the deciding Game 3 in Montreal. Dumb with wonderment as Richter stole the MVP. Dumb with wonderment as he stole Game 3 from the Canadians. Stole the title. That's what Richter did. Ease my troubles, that's what you do. Stole the 1994 Stanley Cup title. Shut down the mighty Canucks in the deciding final minutes of the 1994 Stanley Cup Finals. Shut down all those 1940 chants. Ultimately, Richter was shut down by injuries. Torn anterior cruciate ligaments in each knee in consecutive seasons. Comebacks. Fractured skull. Concussions. No comeback. You can Tom Barasso me. You can John Vanbiesbrouck me. Heck, you can even Frank "Mr. Zero" Brimsek me. I'm still taking Mike Richter.
Defense: Chris Chelios. Cherrios. Gonna tempt your tummy with the taste of nuts and honey. It's a honey lovin' O. It's Big Chris Chelios. Big Chris Chelios. Ruthless. Big Chris Chelios. Durable. Big Chris Chelios. Cunning. Big Chris Chelios. Determined. Big Chris Chelios. The best American hockey player of all time. You're simply the best, better than all the rest. Better than anyone. Anyone I've ever met. Dallas Drake: "He's hockey's ultimate warrior." The Ultimate Warrior, Gorilla Press Slamming his way to three Norris Trophies. Gorilla Press Slamming his way to fourteen All-Star games. Gorilla Press Slamming his way to two Stanley Cup Finals and one ring. With this ring I promise I'll always love you, always love you. Blackhawk fans will always love him. Red Wing fans will always love him. We all will always love him.
Defense: Brian Leetch. Son of a beetch. From my own alma mater. Avon Old Farms School. The same Avon Old Farms that brought you the Toast Man. Juan Nieves. Owner of a no-no for the Milwaukee Brewers. Avon Old Farms. The Winged****. Aspirando et Perseverando. Aspiring and persevering. Brian Leetch aspired. Brian Leetch persevered. Aspired and persevered to be the only American to ever win the Conn-Smythe Trophy. Or as we like to say over here in the States, MVP. MVP of the playoffs. Win or go home. Leetch won. The Canucks went home. Aspiring and persevering to win the Norris Trophy two times. Get the papers, get the papers. Aspiring and Persevering to win Rookie of the Year. One play sums up Leetch's career best. Rangers vs. Lightning. Very very frightening. Fredrick Modin winds up. Down goes Leetchie! Down he goes. Palm first. Breaks his wrist. Breaks his wrist but not before blocking Modin's shot. Blocks another. He robbed another and another and a sister and a brother. He tried to rob a man who was a DT undercover. Comes back out for another shift. Blocks another shot from Modin. Then, he gets back to the bench and throws up. Brian Leetch. Aspirando et Persevando.
Center: Neal Broten. Minnesota, hats off to thee. To thy colors true we shall ever be. Firm and strong, united are we. Rah! Rah! Rah! Minnesota! Minnesota! Nobody did for American hockey what this kid done did. In Minnesota, he's Paul Bunyan. He's Johnny Appleseed. He's John Henry. He's Pecos Bill. Why, he's the Western Superman to say the least. He was the roughest, toughest critter, never known to be a quitter. ‘Cause he never had no fear of man nor beast. Do you believe in miracles? Member of the Miracle on Ice team. He is the only player to have won the NCAA championship, the Olympic Gold Medal, and the Stanley Cup. He made a total of three appearances in the state high school tournament. His 1978 individual high school record of four assists in one period still stands today. I'm still standing after all this time. Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind. People here will want Mike Modano. I can't blame them. But, I grew up with number seven and besides, it's my **** blog!
Forward: Joey Mullen. Hell's Kitchen. NYC. Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten. From the Battery to the top of Manhattan. Asian, Middle-Eastern and Latin. Black, White, New York you make it happen. Joey Mullen it happen. Made it happen on offense. Just passed by Mike Modano for most goals scored by an American. Made it happen when it counts. Three rings. Like my main man Duke Ellington always says: It don't mean a thing if you ain't got them rings. Made it happen rackin' up the points. First American to rack up 1,000 points. Made it happen going both ways. He had a touch for scoring goals, but also paid the price in the corners and in front of the net. I'll never forget Mullen returning to play for the Bruins after missing thirty-three games. Wearing a protective neck collar. Top dollar with the gold flea collar dippin' in my blue Impala. In the next two games, at age thirty-nine, he scored his fourth and fifth goals of the season. Time of the Season. What's your name? Who's your daddy? Joey Mullen.
Forward: Keith Tkachuk. A Melrose Red Raidah. A blue line invadah. As cool as lemonaidah. Think power forward. Think Cam Neely. By his third NHL season, Tkachuk was a 50-goal scorer and in 1996-97 became the first American-born player to lead the NHL in goals. He managed to score at least twenty goals in his first twelve full seasons in the NHL. I remember on Sega Genesis, this guy was sick. Pavel Bure sick. Ray Borque sick. He played hard. Hard. My calling card. Recorded and ordered. Supporter of Chesimard. Hard enough to hold the Phoenix Coyotes franchise record for career game-winning goals. Hard enough to hold the Phoenix Coyotes franchise record for career penalty minutes. Hard enough to make the Josh Q. Public All-American Hockey Team.
Public Acknowledgements: Mark Twain, Bruce Springsteen, Moulin Rouge, Rod Stewart, General Mills, Tina Turner, Bryan Barry James Hellwig, The Platters, Goodfellas, Queen, Howard Cosell, Slick Rick, Elton John, Beastie Boys, Snoop Dogg, Zombies and Public Enemy.
Peace out homies. Six two and Even!