Met-aphorically Speaking
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First off, I’ll give a buffalo nickel to anyone who can tell me which movie this post’s title came from. At least that movie made me smile more than these “new-look” Mets.

Yeah, yesterday seemed like a lot of deja vu. But, a 2-4 start isn’t exactly enough to put me in a clock tower with a rifle, screaming about how my dad didn’t hug me. It is enough to make me wonder if these guys have really put 2007 behind them. I’m not panicking. Yet.

Anyway, despite the team’s ninth straight loss to the guys with melted provolone on their jerseys, it was a fitting final opener for the league’s ugliest stadium.

Here are some notes:

  1. Wouldn’t it have been more appropriate to have Bill Buckner throw out the first pitch at Shea? Redemption aside, he still owns the stadium’s best memory.
  2. The loudest cheers were given to Johan Santana, David Wright and Cow Bell Man. However, Jimmy Rollins could have shot Mr. Met and still wouldn’t have come close to the boos received by Scott Schoeneweis.
  3. Jamie Moyer is so old, he went to the prom with Mary Magdalene. The theme of the prom? Fire.
  4. Jorge Sosa should have never bought that Guillermo Mota instructional DVD.
  5. The construction of the new stadium has apparently created an extra “wall” in left field, causing “swirling” wind patterns throughout the stadium. This, and other Doppler Discoveries, were brought to you by SNY meteorologist Ron Darling.
  6. Another casualty of the stadium construction is the right field subway platform, which has been demolished. Crack can now only be purchased by Gate E, near the alcove that smells like urine. Come early and please use mass transit.
  7. Carlos Delgado’s throwing error only occurred because Chase Utley was closer to Citi Field’s second base line than the one at Shea.
  8. Incidentally, Utley was hit by pitches three consecutive times at the plate, and once running out of the baseline. Get the hint, Chase - No one likes you, including God.
  9. Jamie Moyer is so old, he still refers to Philadelphia by its old name, “The Woods.”
  10. Aaron Heilman received a “word of the day” calendar for his birthday. Yesterday’s word? “Persevere.” No one asked him to define it.
  11. Jimmy Rollins sprained his ankle (Good).
  12. Pat Burrell didn’t (Bad).
  13. Luis Castillo hurt his knee (Predictable).
  14. Orlando Hernandez might be done forever (The will of nature).
  15. Jamie Moyer is so old, he once walked into an antique store, and they kept him.
  16. Pedro Feliciano showed up for the game in the seventh inning. Remind me why we have bullpen problems again?
  17. Carlos Beltran quickly reneged on his claim that the Mets would beat the Phillies in the NL East, by telling the media, “I drink a lot.”
  18. Pedro Martinez nearly followed up with a comment about the Phillies being the Mets’ daddies, but was too busy buying a home near the Mets’ rehab facility.
  19. Jamie Moyer is so old, he should play for the Mets.

Look on the bright side: Pelfrey goes today.

 

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