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1. Miami Dolphins (2007 Record: 1-15)-The Dolphins were awful last year.  They had no offense (28^th), and their defense was not much better (23^rd).  They need help at almost every position.  But Bill Parcells is the new Director of Football Operations, and he will not accept mediocrity.  He has already gone out and got Tony Sparano as head coach, Jason Ferguson for nose tackle, Reggie Torbor for outside linebacker, and Josh McCown for quarterback.  However, these will not be enough to get them back to the way they were with Don Shula.  They still need help at QB, WR, OL, DE, ILB, CB, S.  For most intelligent people, there is only one choice here.  The Miami Dolphins take Chris Long, defensive end from the University of Virginia.  Long is the best player in this draft at any position.  There hasn't been a player this balanced in years.  He can stop the run.  He can stop the pass.  He does it all.  Parcells would be a genius to draft him, as he is built for a 3-4 defense.

2. Saint Louis Rams (2007 Record: 3-13)-The Rams are not as bad as their record would indicate.  If any team in the league had to go through the injury problem they went through, most (the Patriots and Colts being the only exceptions) would be picking right here.  The Rams were predicted to be a playoff team, and that wasn't a bad prediction.  They have already signed Jacob Bell to play guard, but they still need a few more pieces.  Their biggest needs are at DE, OT, WR, OLB, CB, S.  The Phins may have drafted Chris, but they aren't the only one to get a Long.  The Rams take Jake Long, offensive tackle from the University of Michigan.  The Rams still need a lot of help at defensive end, but Vernon Gholston should not go here, no matter what some people may say.  Long is a dominant offensive tackle who will play more like Joe Thomas rather than Robert Gallary.  He will be a star replacing Orlando Pace.

3. Atlanta Falcons (2007 Record: 4-12)-The Falcons are in the biggest mess out of any team in this draft.  The Dolphins just suck.  The Falcons suck and are stacked with knuckleheads.  They got rid of one and sent him to the Raiders for a second rounder in one of the best trades of the decade.  A second rounder for DeAngelo Hall?  Hall isn't just an idiot, but he isn't a superstar either.  It just shows Al Davis is getting senile.  However, they have made some additions.  Michael Turner will be wearing a Falcons uni next year.  They still need to get some people to play QB, WR, TE, OT, OG, DT, CB.  The Falcons have plenty of options here, but there is one that makes the most sense.  The Atlanta Falcons take Sedrick Ellis, defensive tackle out of the University of Southern California.  The Falcons have no nose tackles in a 4-3.  Ellis played that position at USC, and he's the best defensive tackle in this draft.  The Falcons would be crazy to pass on him for someone like Leodis McKelvin or Matt Ryan.

4. Oakland Raiders (2007 Record: 4-12)-Al Davis is crazy.  He is offering crazy amounts of money to people who may have never played football before.  I got a five year, 30 million dollar offer.  My one year middle school experience is enough for me.  Al Davis can't screw up this pick.  His team has a load of needs, such as WR, OT, C, DE, OLB.  However, I see them going outside of their needs.  The Oakland Raiders take Darren McFadden, running back out of the University of Arkansas.  Al Davis loves speed.  He has Justin Fargas, Dominic Rhodes, and LaMont Jordan.  Davis will draft another offensive player.  JaMarcus Russell will have to hand off the ball because if he stays in the pocket, he may eat it.

5. Kansas City Chiefs (2007 Record: 4-12)-Hopefully the Chiefs don't screw it up.  The draft that is.  They kept Herm Edwards, so they already have screwed one thing up.  They have a terrible offensive line.  Their needs are OL, OL, OL, OL, OL, CB, WR, OL, and QB.  Did I mention they have no offensive line?  There is only one player they can take right here.  The Kansas City Chiefs take Ryan Clady, offensive tackle out of Boise State University.  The Chiefs offensive line is awful.  Does anyone wonder why Priest Holmes has had neck injuries?  I can't believe Brody Croyle is still alive.

6. New York Jets (2007 Record: 4-12)-The Jets fell hard.  They were in the playoffs and looked like they could knock off their archrival Patriots.  Oops.  Now, they need to rebuild.  They started it off well by getting Alan Faneca, Calvin Pace, and Kris Jenkins, but they need to get stronger on both sides of the ball.  They need help at QB, RB, WR, LB, CB.  I think the choice here is obvious.  The New York Jets take Vernon Gholston, defensive end out of the Ohio State University.  Gholston will be a stud at outside linebacker in the 3-4.  The offensive line is good enough that Kellen Clemens may do well.  This would be a great pickup.

7. New England Patriots from San Francisco (2007 Record: 18-1)-The Patriots were so close, yet so far away.  They won 18 games, but they couldn't win the one that mattered.  Now, they lost Eugene Wilson, Asante Samuel, and Randall Gay.  Their biggest needs are at OG, LB, CB, S.  I think this pick is pretty obvious.  They really need a replacement for Samuel and Gay.  The New England Patriots take Leodis McKelvin, cornerback out of Troy State University.  McKelvin is the best corner in this draft.  He's a great cover guy, and he can make a big play.  He could play immediately, and probably has the best chance of being a star from the start more than anyone else in this draft.

8. Baltimore Ravens (2007 Record: 5-11)-Baltimore got a bye in 2006, and the next year, they...ummm...didn't.  They were terrible.  They lost to the Dolphins, for God's sake.  But now Brian Billick is gone, so that also spells the end of Kyle "Should have been a" Boller.  To show Billick's love of Boller, I'll do an analogy.  Brian Billick is to Kyle Boller as Todd McShay is to Matt Ryan.  Good analogy.  All four are terrible at their job.  The Ravens need QB, WR, OT, LB, CB.  Todd McShay will be happy with this pick.  The Baltimore Ravens take Matt Ryan, quarterback/bust out of Boston College.  Matt Ryan is going to suck.  It's all because of stupid GMs.  He'll be a career backup, much like Joey Harrington.

9. Cincinnati Bengals (2007 Record: 7-9): The Bengals defense has become terrible.  It was never great, but now it is probably the worst in the league.  To top it off, Chad Johnson aka Ocho Stinko has become an idiot.  This team is in major trouble.  They really need help at WR, DL, LB, S.  I think the pick here is obvious.  The Cincinnati Bengals take Glenn Dorsey, defensive tackle out of Louisiana State University.  The Bengals are lucky Dorsey fell to them.  Most people have Dorsey going in the top 5, but I like Sedrick Ellis more than them, and I think Ryan Clady will be a better fit for the Chiefs.

10. New Orleans Saints (2007 Record: 7-9)-Some people thought the Saints were going to the Super Bowl.  Hahahaha.  They were way off.  The Saints proved that they have no running game and no defense.  They need some help at RB, OG, C, DT, OLB, CB.  I think this is an obvious pick as well.  The New Orleans Saints take Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie out of Tennessee State University.  DCR has really come on strong.  Competition is always a concern for 1-AA prospects, but he has had great workouts and was great n college.  He's a definite top 15 pick, with New Orleans being his likely destination.

11. Buffalo Bills (2007 Record: 7-9)-The Bills season looked dead when they were hit by a plague of injuries.  However, Trent Edwards embarrassed the GMs who passed on him by performing well almost every game.  The Bills still need help to overtake the Patriots in the AFC East.  To get to the top, they will need help at WR, TE, OT, C, DE, CB.  I think this player is too good to pass up.  The Buffalo Bills take Mike Jenkins, cornerback out of the University of South Florida.  Jenkins and DRC are about neck-and-neck for the second-best corner in this draft.  Jenkins played very well last year, getting 3 interceptions and averaging 30.4 yards per kickoff return.

12. Denver Broncos (2007 Record: 7-9)-The Broncos are a bit troubled right now.  Jay Cutler hasn't been as impressive as I thought he would be.  Travis Henry was in the news this past year for all the wrong reasons, and don't get me started on the run defense either.  The Broncos really need help at WR, OT, DT, OLB, MLB.  There are a few ways they could go here, but I think that the Denver Broncos take Keith Rivers, outside linebacker out of the University of Southern California.  The Broncos would be foolish not to take a linebacker in this round.  Rivers is definitely the best linebacker left.  It's too early to take Dan Conner, so Rivers is the safest pick.

13. Carolina Panthers (2007 Record: 7-9)-The Panthers were lucky to be 7-9.  If Vinny Testaverde is your QB and you play the AFC South, it's a miracle to come out alive.  The Panthers are at a risk of being the worst team in 2008.  They will need help at QB, RB, TE, OT, DE, S.  The Panthers have almost too many options right here.  However, there is one player that I believe will be the most effective next year.  The Carolina Panthers take Chris Williams, offensive tackle out of Vanderbilt University.  The Panthers need to keep Jake Delhomme healthy next year, or else they will have no chance of contending in the NFC South.  Williams would be a great blocker for Delhomme's blindside.

14. Chicago Bears (2007 Record: 7-9)-The Bears offense is laughable.  Now that they lost Mushin Muhammad and Bernard Berrian, Devin Hester and Brandon Lloyd are their top receivers.  Oh yeah, they have Marty Booker and Mark Bradley, perpetual failures.  I'm so happy the Colts play them first.  We get to start off the year with a shutout if we kick the ball out of bounds every time.  Rex Grossman, Cedric Benson, Brandon Lloyd, and Mark Bradley.  Hahahaha.  They need serious help at QB, RB, WR, OT, OG, DT.  They have to draft offense here.  The Chicago Bears take Jeff Otah, offensive tackle out of the University of Pittsburgh.  Otah is a giant who should be able to give Rex Grossman more time to throw interceptions.

15. Detroit Lions (2007 Record: 7-9)-If you feel like your GM sucks-I'm talking to you Knicks fans-just look at Lions draft history, and you will feel much better.  Matt Millen is a terrible GM, but he could redeem himself with a strong pick right here.  The Lions need help at RB, TE, OT, DT, LB, DB.  This pick should be obvious.  And no Matt, it's not Malcolm Kelly.  The Detroit Lions take Rashard Mendenhall out of the University of Illinois.  Mendenhall is a playmaker.  The Lions offense besides running back is pretty strong.  The defense is a different story, but the Lions could easily win the NFC North this year.  Of course, I think a middle school team could win the NFC North, but it still would be an improvement.

16. Arizona Cardinals (2007 Record: 8-8)-The Cards still haven't made the playoffs in an eternity.  That's the Cardinals being the Cardinals.  They need help at RB, OT, OG, DB.  This pick should be a popular one.  The Arizona Cardinals take Jonathan Stewart, running back out of the University of Oregon.  Edge is getting older, and he averaged less than 4 yards per carry last year.  Some fresh legs could help out Leinart big time, as the Cards prepare to ride with him and proceed to die with him.

17. Minnesota Vikings (2007 Record: 8-8)-The Vikings have a bright future.  I love the offense.  Tavaris Jackson is going to be very good.  Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor make up the best two-back system in the NFL.  The wide receivers are strong now with Bernard Berrian.  Soon, the Vikings will be back to their old winning ways of the late 90s.  The Vikings still need some reinforcement for TE, DE, DT, S.  The Minnesota Vikings take Phillip Merling, defensive end out of Clemson University.  Now that Kenechi Udeze has leukemia, the Vikings need a defensive end more than ever.  Merling is a great pass rusher, and he will make an immediate impact.

18. Houston Texans (2007 Record: 8-8)-The Texans are really improving.  They dumped David Carr for a better Matt Schaub, the line actually doesn't give up a sack every other play, and the defensive line is one of the most promising in the league.  The problem is their division.  It will be tough for them to make the playoffs while the Colts and Jags are performing at the extraordinary level they play at now.  Last year, the Texans were 8-2 outside of the division.  They were 0-6 against the Titans, Jags, and Colts.  If that doesn't prove how tough the South is, I don't know what does.  The Texans need help at RB, WR, OT, OLB, CB.  This pick is tough.  There are some good receivers left, and this draft has some amazing corners and running backs.  The Houston Texans take Aqib Talib, cornerback out of the University of Kansas.  Aqib Talib is a game changer.  I know I've said that about every other corner, but this is the best example.  He is one of the most explosive players in this draft.

19. Philadelphia Eagles (2007 Record: 8-8)-There's not much to say about the Eagles.  I don't like the style they play.  It bores me.  McNabb isn't a great QB.  They don't have a bunch of big names.  They need help at WR, OT, DE, DB.  This one is easy.  The Philadelphia Eagles take Limas Sweed, wide receiver out of the University of Texas.  Limas Sweed's draft stock has benefited from Malcolm Kelly's knees and DeSean Jackson's poor performance this season.  Now he will play along side Reggie Brown and Kevin Curtis.  Uh, yay...

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2007 Record: 9-7)-The Bucs have the great reward of playing in the NFC South.  They had breathing space at 9-7.  What?  They could probably take off their road games next year and still win the division.  But since that is unlikely, they will probably want to toughen up their QB, WR, OT, CB, RS positions.  The Bucs would be smart to NOT take a QB here.  There are so many good wide receivers and corners, and the QBs in this draft are mediocre.  The Tampa Bay Buccaneers take Devin Thomas, wide receiver out of Michigan State University.  The Bucs need a receiver that has some size and can catch passes in traffic.  Thomas does that perfectly.

21. Washington Redskins (2007 Record: 9-7)-It's not often I get excited over a player going to a team besides a Colts player, but who I have the Redskins taking makes me anxious to see him dominate the NFC East.  The Redskins should get someone at WR, OT, OG, DE.  This is obvious.  The Washington Redskins take Derrick Harvey, defensive end out of the University of Florida.  Harvey could end up being the next Dwight Freeney.  His pass rushing ability is amazing, and he could be an immediate contributor in Washington.

22. Dallas Cowboys from Cleveland (2007 Record: 13-3)-The Cowboys had a great offense next year, but that could change next year.  They will be without Julius Jones, making Marion Barber the sole back.  The Cowboys need to get some help at RB, WR, NT, LB, DB.  This is a high risk, high reward pick.  The Dallas Cowboys take Malcolm Kelly, wide receiver out of the University of Oklahoma.  Kelly's knees are a huge question mark, but if he can stay healthy, Dallas just got the biggest steal so far.

23. Pittsburgh Steelers (2007 Record: 10-6)-The Steelers better watch out.  The Browns are coming.  The Browns offense will be amazing next year.  It's the deepest offense in the NFL.  Two years ago you would have thought I was crazy, but with Derek Anderson, Jamal Lewis, Braylon Edwards, Donte Stallworth, and Joe Jurevicius, they are the premier offense in the AFC North.  To keep ahead of the Browns, the Steelers need to take notice and help out WR, OT, LB, DB.  This is the toughest pick I've had to make.  This is a close one.  The Pittsburgh Steelers take Quentin Groves, outside linebacker out of Auburn University.  The Steelers have been scouting him, and he would really help out the pass rush.

24. Tennessee Titans (2007 Record: 10-6)-Tennessee has one need that is so obvious; I don't even have to say it.  They really need someone at WIDE RECEIVER.  Words cannot describe how crappy the Titans' wide receivers are.  It doesn't help that they don't have a QB though.  The Tennessee Titans take DeSean Jackson, wide receiver out of the University of California-Berkeley.  DeSean Jackson will be a bust, so he will fit in well with the other wide receivers on the Titans.

25. Seattle Seahawks (2007 Record: 10-6)-Seattle is a lot like the Bucs.  They are a mediocre team that would have a losing record in the AFC South or NFC East, but they are in a division that might as well be the home to the Our Lady of Perpetual Suckage Fightin' Nuns, California Blind School, and the Fletcher Memorial Home for Colonial Wasters of Life and Limbs.  To keep up beating on the holy, disabled, and slaughterhouses for tyrants as mentioned in a Pink Floyd song, the Seahawks should try to reinforce their WR, TE, OG, DB, K positions.  This is an easy pick.  The Seattle Seahawks take Brandon Albert, offensive guard out of the University of Virginia.  So Julius Jones and TJ Duckett can run the ball unlike their running back last year, Shaun Alexander aka the star of Fat Albert II.

26. Jacksonville Jaguars (2007 Record: 11-5)-The Jags are a great team, but they have the misfortune of playing in the same division as the Colts, who are about to enter their greatest stretch in franchise history.  The Jags need to get a bit stronger at WR, OG, DL, S.  The Jags have a few options here, but I think there is one that makes the most sense.  The Jacksonville Jaguars take Kentwan Balmer, defensive tackle out of the University of North Carolina.  The Jags have shown interest in them according to newerascouting.com, and he fills their biggest need.

27. San Diego Chargers (2007 Record: 11-5)-Billy Bleeping Volek.  Quite possibly the best Colts team was shut down by Billy.  Bleeping.  Volek.  But that's the Colts problem.  This is about the Chargers.  The Chargers need to get some help at RB, OT, OG, DL.  This is a tough pick, but I think that they have a good prospect waiting for them.  The San Diego Chargers take Lawrence Jackson, defensive end out of the University of South Carolina.  Lawrence Jackson is perfect for a 3-4 defense.  The Chargers will need a new defensive end if Luis Castillo can't stay healthy.

28. Dallas Cowboys-The Dallas Cowboys take Antoine Cason, cornerback out of the University of Arizona.  The Cowboys have shown interest in Cason, and it is obvious that cornerback is their biggest need left.  Cason is a good cover corner who will be a big improvement over Anthony Henry.

29. San Francisco 49ers from Indianapolis (2007 Record: 5-11)-The Niners suck.  They traded their pick to the Patriots.  I think that the Niners are out to get Colts fans.  Take away our first pick (although we did get a better player than anyone left here) and give New England a top 10 pick.  Congrats, Niners.  They need players at OT, OG, OLB, CB.  The San Francisco 49ers take Gosder Cherlius, offensive tackle out of Boston College.  Cherlius is a great blocker, but he needs to work on his penalty problem.

30. Green Bay Packers 2007 Record: 13-3)-What to do, what to do.  The Packers have the great problem of having very few needs.  They lost Favre, but they have Aaron Rodgers.  I'd say their biggest weaknesses are at QB, TE, OT, OLB, CB.  This is an easy one.  The Green Bay Packers take Terrell Thomas, cornerback out of the University of Southern California.  Thomas can play corner and replace Al Harris, and he can play special teams.  Killing two birds with one stone.

31. New England Patriots-The New England Patriots take the Panasonic PVS GS80, a video camera out of Best Buy.

Real 31. New York Giants (2007 Record: 10-6)-I love the Giants.  Keeping the Evil Empire of the NFL from becoming immortal is the greatest thing a team has ever done.  I guess there is some kind of justice in this universe that keeps the classless from being the greatest.  Now, time to rebuild this team.  Get some help at WR, OG, OLB, CB, S.  Another easy one.  The Super Bowl champion New York Giants take Kenny Phillips, safety out of the University of Miami.  Phillips is a good replacement for Gibril Wilson.