Yankee fans have disgraced Bronx construction worker Gino Castignoli to thank for exposing to the light of day, like the vampire Nosferatu, the evil Boston practice of invoking the demonic forces of Satan in a bid to win professional sports championships.
If Belichick's cheating earned him an asterisk, the Red Sox deserve to have a scarlet W branded on their foreheads all eternity for their insidious attempt to implant the seed of evil into the womb of our new palace of champions even before its completion. (Let's hope it doesn't collapse on the first day like their $50billion expressway did)
Boston has always been a capital of the black arts, even at its historical inception. Witness the witch burnings of the seventeenth century, when a few lowly witches were roasted alive while the higher-ups, who were actually running the show, managed to escape. Does this not bring to mind the workings of the Mitchell Commission, chaired by George Mitchell, himself a Director of the Boston Red Sox, which conducted a witch hunt of principally Yankee players while giving Boston a free pass?
I needn't remind you of the unethical, cheating Belichick, whose satanic practices ultimately availed the Patriots only ignominy and disgrace, landing them forever in the garbage can of sports history.
But this proven episode of lunatic Boston partisans attempting to sell their immortal souls to the devil, because if Castignoli's invocation of the demonic legions of hell had succeeded he surely would have paid for it by the immersion of his own soul in the fiery furnaces of perdition, up to his neck in stinking excrement for all eternity as the devil's willing slave to evil, serves to teach anything, it proves that no Boston success is above suspicion.
Boston is the capital of the Black Arts, and it must be scourged. That is why I am advocating an exorcism of Fenway Park, Gillette Stadium and Boston Gardens, to cast off the evil spirits even at the price of Boston sports fans' heads swiveling around like helicopter props while they puke up stinking green geysers of bile.
Exorcism of the whole Red Sox Nation is the only solution to the malediction that is spreading out from that city and engulfing our Great Nation like a demonic oil stain.
Fortunately the authorities did not have to resort to waterboarding to force Castignoli to reveal the location of the accursed shirt, though that would have not been too high a price for the monster to pay.
Even Mayor Bloomberg is not above suspicion, because even though he looks and talks like a typical New York boss, HE IS FROM BOSTON!!!! How do we know that he is not a demon seed planted within our bosom like the shirt was planted in the stadium, a Manchurian Candidate from Massachusetts? I'm not saying it's so. I'm just pointing out how we have to all of us adopt the vigilant attitude displayed by The New York Post, who uncovered the nefarious undertaking.