April 15 looms on everyone's calendar and today the bedeviled day arrives. We bloodlet ourselves and watch as Uncle Sam reclaims our loot so that he can finance whatever it is he finances. Unfortunately, it's folks like us, who work hard for smaller pay, that front the majority of taxes while ultra-rich folks get a lower proportion of the Federal Invasion. Athletes fall in the latter category, which is why the FlyMaster is proposing that undeservingly high paid athletes start foundations to help others pay for their taxes. It may sound crazy, but we're in a recession and damnit the FlyMaster is focused on solutions, not problems.
Here's how it works. First, pick a grotesquely overpaid athlete and offer them the opportunity for a tax right off by paying your taxes. Personally, I chose Chris Webber who, despite not playing more than 5 minutes this season, still made close to 17 million. Chris politely declined my proposition, but he's not to blame; breaking the mold is difficult. I then turned my attention to Robert Swift, Brian Cardinal, Andruw Jones, and Stephon Marbury. No luck. These guys ain't in it for the community. Are those NBA Cares and MLB Community commercials all just lies and alibis? Who's looking out for the downtrodden if Starbury isn't? The search continued as the April 15 deadline approached faster than a yeast infection chasing down Paris Hilton. Digging deeper the FlyMaster found out that Adonal Foyle was due 9 million this year and his equally inept compadre, Stevie Francis was in the game for almost 17.8 million. For real? Needless to say, the responses were silent, but inside a feeling was bubbling and let me know that all would be well. That feeling turned out to be a combination of acid reflux and starvation, a tough duo to shake.
In the end, no one fronted the FlyMaster's taxes so he resorted to his standby technique of not filing. Sure this may come back at ye olde FlyMaster someday, but for now all is good. Time is a wasting for 2009, so find yourself an overpaid athlete and start making tax plans now. Next year will be easier because the idea won't be so fresh then, and it will have caught on and gained popularity. Good luck!
FlyMaster Signing Off...For Now!