What is it with video games these days? Doing the usual round little goblet ball eating yellow pills is no longer fashionable. The monsters that stood for at least ten seconds before you blast them to smithereens now come equipped with their own little backlash of space age retaliation. It makes spending 400 hard earned dollars like a waste on the lottery.
My nephew bought the X-box or P-2? I can't tell the difference but it had the Madden 2008 game. A chair is still a chair and football is still football. Either you know it or you don't. Which I do because I watched enough games to
run my own team, or so I thought.
Once a master nintendo expert of the extinct NFL Live video game, I decided to give this latest fad a try. I looked at the list of plays. I couldn't understood this stuff if John Madden explained it to me himself. Seems like the only thing I could do was hand off and run up the middle. I'll pace myself until I get my groove going.
My nephew, the Einstein of the digital revolution, knew every play and every strategy. He performed every maneuver flawlessly. He could predict everything I would do except take a pill for my indigestion. So here I come, a relic of the Bart Starr age although not as old, but in the Madden-ess era, just as slow. I picked a team.
The Oakland Raiders!
I'm sure ole Johnny boy had enough affection for his old team to allow Oakland to be a powerhouse. NOT! Seems the fiends of the Madden brain trust gave efficiency ranking to teams that are existing playoffs contenders in real time. (I.E. what have you done for me lately?) And with the lethargic incapable hands of this former pong player, let just say Al Davis would have traded me before the season starts.
Anyway, I took the challenge head on with my one play and even though I concealed it in every direction, I made my nephew looked like a genius. I ducked and weaved and bobbed and plummeted. The only thing that kept me from firing the controls at the TV was that I was the older one and had to set an example for the little ones. The game was over before the system could even warm up and the once proud Oakland Raiders were put to bed with a severe thrashing! I guess ranking doesn't make up for extremely poor playing skills.
So what have we learned here? Can dinosaurs who once rule the earth make a comeback in the land of the Madden tribe? No. Can an uncle with his own house give his nephew the boot? Yes!
Mr. Madden, You can have your ultimate futuristic games, but for me, well there's still solitaire.
Booyah! Just win, baby!