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Number #85. Chad Johnson. Ocho Cinco. The man of many monikers and many touchdowns has been in the news the past few weeks on more than a few occasions for what seems to be the first annual 2008 "Chad Johnson No Longer Wants to be A Cincinnati Bengal Tour." Now we at the Disco Party are huge proponents of Chad and have been since he first started talking trash and donning those gold fronts on the atrocious early 00's Bengal squads. And while we will be sad to see Johnson pack up his props and head off to celebrate in end zones on far away fields, we wondered how the most entertaining football player of his generation would celebrate his move to $greener pastures$. Without further ado, we present to you our ideas on what Chad Johnson's last Bengal celebration may look like right before he skips town.

 10. Try and be the first wide receiver to slap on orange and black floaties and race a cigarette boat down the Cuyahoga River. Chad stuns onlookers by actually moonwalking out onto the river like Jesus at a dance recital. Shocked observers start to believe they may actually be looking at football Jesus. That’s until they remember football Jesus actually lives in New England and dates a supermodel that would be more associated with Noah. It will turn out that Johnson isn’t actually walking on water, but on a plethora of floating garbage that’s been dumped in the river the past 50 years. Ironically, 10% of the waste will be Chad Johnson memorabilia while another 5% will be 2008 Bengal season tickets.

9. One on One bare knuckle boxing match between Johnson and Bengals coach Marvin Lewis at 8 p.m. behind the Stuckeys off route 275. Be there and be ready throw down some Benjamins son.

8. Johnson hires new Cincinnati Reds flamethrower Johnny Cuento to fire rocks into the windows of Paul Brown Stadium as he and Michael Flatly “River Dance” their way around Carson Palmers burning BMW while singing the apropos “Memories” from the Broadway show CATS. (I’m saying you outta get tickets early for this show cause it‘s gonna be a damn doozy)

7. Huge going away Fiesta for Ocho Cinco over a to Chris Henry’s pad with all the booze, Maui Wowie and high school girls that you can shake an unregistered firearm at. But beware if you’re a high school boy as Henry has a penchant to rough up minors and for God’s sake don’t park your Civic within throwing distance from Henry’s porch or you’re liable to go home with a black eye AND Budweiser bottle through your driver’s side window.

6. Johnson starts his Fantasy team early this year by taking T.J. Houshmazilla--Housemadilla- Houshe-mezada-- Houshmandzadeh knowing the Bengals don’t have any other receivers now. When reporters ask him how he thinks the season will go he will keep sarcastically screaming “Championship!”

5. Johnson will race, wrestle, then eat a 3,000 lb Bengal tiger before being promptly arrested and escorted out of the Cincinnati Zoo.

. “The Jailbreak” will be a celebration of misdemeanors and felonies as Chad visits all the local establishments of incarceration (prisons) where half the Bengal roster spend their off season to help his fellow teammates break out of the clink so they can once again run wild on the streets of Cincinnati. Crime immediately jumps 15% in the Cincinnati area and unregistered firearm sales skyrocket to epic proportions. Johnson opens his mouth to yell “Peace out” one last time while as the sunlight glistens off his gold fronts and C.J. rides out of town to a (illegal) Bengal .22 caliber salute. Luckily only 3 people will be injured in the proceedings.

3. Chad Ickey shuffles across the Brent Spence Bridge in his new pair of crazy ass ruby red custom shoes while shouting “There’s no going back home, there’s no going back home” as Drew Rosenhaus foams rabidly at the mouth and empties numerous gas cans behind the prancing Johnson until finally getting to the end, lighting Johnson's contract on fire and inevitable setting ablaze one more bridge between a beloved athlete and his adoring fans. And somewhere in Cincinnati, Carson Palmer watches black smoke billow over the stadium and quietly weeps at what might have been.

2. Gets down on one knee and proposes to Jerry Jones to help finally make him a Cowboy. This celebration is misinterpreted as Johnson ascertains when he gets down to Dallas and finds out that Texans aren’t exactly tolerant of one man proposing to another man or the “alternative lifestyle.” When Chad explains it was just a joke and a misunderstanding he quickly finds out that if only two things come from Texas and the steers are the only part of that equation that walk out under their own power.

1. And of course if he finally gets his wish to go to Dallas, we will see T.O. Chad Johnson in red convertible with both of their Yellow Hall of Fame jackets blowing gently behind them in the breeze as they reenact the final scene in Thelma And Louise and do all NFL fans a favor by driving the car off a steep cliff so that no one will have to put up with their end zone celebrations ever again.