FanNation

In a way, I guess, I always knew this day would come.

Yes, last week's news that Jennifer86 would be retiring as a regular 10 Spot commenter effective today shocked me more than anybody. Still. As much as I enjoyed -- nay, treasured -- Jen's witty comments and ever-changing avatars, I think a part of me knew that it couldn't last forever. It was too good to be true. Eventually it would slip away, like a seven-game Mets lead with 17 to play.

A week's worth of perspective, however, has enabled me to work through the seven stages of grief. (No, I'm not proud of some of the things I said during the "bargaining" phase.) But I've reached a point where I can put the sadness aside and properly honor Jen's lasting contribution to the 10 Spot.

I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I'll just miss her captions.

OK, yes, that was from Shawshank. I like to think that's what Jen would have wanted.

On the other hand, Jen won't really be gone if we find a way to remember her. (I stole that from The Wrath of Khan.) To that end, I've collected her Caption This and WYOJ selections below for posterity's sake.

That's right -- Jen's Greatest Hits. See for yourself what all the fuss is all about:

Caption This

Jan. 17, photo of players from Duke and Virginia grappling for a loose ball) "In an homage to 'Dukie' V's recent throat surgery, Kyle Singler decided to go ahead and have his own larynx pulled out."

Jan. 22, photo of two fans sitting alone in frigid Green Bay: "Herschel Walker watches from his seat at Lambeau."

Jan. 23, photo of chaps-wearing cowboys skiing: "No, no, no! I said, 'Bring me the chap STICK'!"

Jan. 29, photo of Tom Brady at Super Bowl media day: "Forget about Boot-Gate for a minute ... I cannot freakin' believe that I was named the SEVENTH best-looking quarterback in the NFL!!! Seventh!?!?!?"

Jan. 30, photo of Giants DB Kevin Dockery wearing a festively decorated jersey: "What makes you think I'm a fringe player?"

Feb. 4, photo of Eli Manning holding up three fingers during a play in the Super Bowl: "Hey, Brady, you need this many more points to reach the total you scoffed at."

Feb. 5, photo of Michael Strahan with his big hand around Manning's neck during the Giants' post-game celebration: "If you invite Whoopi to the parade, I'm going to strangle you."

Feb. 6, photo of Finnish ski jumper Janne Happonen appearing, in an optical illusion, to be flying into tall buildings: "After years of hearing ‘What's Happonen?' jokes, Janne just couldn't take it anymore."

Feb. 11, photo of Brian McNamee's alleged evidence, including bloody gauze and a crumpled beer can: "Several of the congressmen were a bit taken aback by the gift baskets Clemens left behind during his trip to The Hill."

Feb. 12, photo os Boston College's Biko Paris inbounding the ball in front of a raucous crowd at Duke: "The Cameron Crazies were amazed to find a basketball player who could actually stand up when barely touched."

Feb. 13, photo of Roger Clemens at his Congressional hearing: "Let's see... I've thrown Andy, Debbie, my agent, my manager, my lawyer, and my crazy mother under the bus. Who have I got left?"

Feb. 14, photo of Westminster Dog Show winner Uno: "Whew! I am man-tired!"

Feb. 19, photo of a pained Andy Pettitte at dais with left hand covering much of his face: "This is rather embarrassing, but my children shaved off my left eyebrow while I was sleeping."

Feb. 21, photo of Tiger Woods holding a pole: "After his ball lands down an embankment, Tiger Woods pulls out his little-used '0.1 iron.'"

Feb. 25, photo of a groundskeeper raking the infield next to Alex Rodriguez: "Don't mind me, A-Rod. I'm just looking for your post-season batting average."

March 10, photo of a steaker at a cricket match about to be pummeled by a helmeted player wearing equipment similar to a catcher's: "Typically, it's the naked man wearing protection."

March 18, photo of an Iditarod musher and his dogs on a busy Anchorage street: "Do you think this qualifies us for the carpool lane?"

March 31, photo of Tyler Hansbrough under the hoop with a Wilson basketball against Louisville: "And daddy said I'd never be able to figure out how to log onto the inner-net." Also, under Name Redacted, "Tyler Hansbrough attempts to disprove the myth that he couldn't spell ‘will' if you spotted him the first three letters on a basketball."

April 2, photo of Isiah Thomas talking to two Knicks on the bench: "There's a tradition in NBA play -- to not talk about the next step until you've climbed the one in front of you. I'm sure winning a game is beyond your wildest dreams, so let's just keep it right there."

April 10, photo of a golfer's strangely disembodied head at the Masters: "Daniel Chopra made the mistake of coughing during Tiger Woods' backswing."

April 14, photo of Tiger sprinkling something from his hand in the Augusta fairway: "Tiger Woods adamantly refuses to accept a check from Michael Jordan."

April 17, photo of marathon runners dressed as Flintstones characters: "Tyler Hansbrough (mouth open) leads the Tar Heel fastbreak."

Caption This notes: If one defines "winning" as having the first caption mentioned -- something I can't officially condone -- then Jen "won" three Caption This contests: Jan. 17 (Dukie V's larynx), Jan. 22 (Herschel Walker at Lambeau) and March 10 (cricket steaker). Interestingly, she "won" two of the first four contests overall, including the first two she was mentioned in.

Write Your Own Joke (WYOJ) Contest

October

Set-up: "The 4-0 Patriots will this week welcome back safety Rodney Harrison from a four-game suspension for reportedly using human growth hormone. ________________"

Submission: "Coach Bill Belichick will be taking a vote among the fans to decide whether or not to brand his head with an asterisk." (Big Tuna note: You might recall that around this time, someone bought Barry Bonds' record-breaking home run ball and was holding a vote on whether to brand it with an asterisk.)

November

Set-up 1: "Martina Hingis is retiring from tennis after being accused of testing positive for cocaine. __________."

Submission: "This explains why Hingis refused to play doubles this year -- she hated sharing the white lines."

Set-up 2: "Agent Scott Boras says that the Yankees could still negotiate with client Alex Rodriguez if they want to. __________."

Submission: "In fact, the only reason the Yankees deal is even in question is because Boras dropped the contract when A-Rod yelled, ‘I got it!' as he passed by."

December

Set-up 1: "Steelers safety Anthony Smith has guaranteed that Pittsburgh will upset the Patriots this Sunday. __________."

Submission 1: "Of course, Smith is also the guy who guaranteed to Travis Henry that the generic c-o-n-d-o-m-s would work." (Big Tuna note: This was the winner.)

Submission 2: "In fact, Kirk Herbstreit announced this morning that the Steelers upset is already a done deal."

Set-up 2: "Despite the fact that he's 'still sore,' Packers quarterback Brett Favre says he expects to make his 250^th straight start on Sunday. __________."

Submission: "Favre wanted to announce his intentions early because, after all, he doesn't like to keep the team in suspense."

January

Set-up: "Roger Clemens will deny the Mitchell Report's claims that he used steroids on this week's 60 Minutes. __________."

Submission 1: "Of course, just because he didn't use them on 60 Minutes doesn't mean he didn't use them with the Yankees."

Submission 2: "When told of Clemens' 60 Minutes appearance, former Yankees manager Joe Torre said, ‘Yeah, that's about all I got out of him last year, too.'"

February

Set-up 1: "Fox is projected to rake in $260 million on Super Bowl ads. __________."

Submission 1: "Jessica Simpson's father immediately started making phone calls to find out who this ‘Fox' was and if he was interested in dating his daughter."

Submission 2: "In a counter-programming move, ABC will air its new reality show starring the mothers of Travis Henry's children. The show will be called Disparate Housewives."

Submission 3: "With the sudden influx of cash, Fox has announced that it will purchase an additional October."

Set-up 2: "Roger Clemens showed up at Astros camp on Wednesday but stayed mum about his alleged steroids use. __________."

Submission 1: "Though apparently, the young players kept asking him, ‘Roger, what do you want me to do?'" (Big Tuna note: This was the winner.)

Submission 2: "If Clemens returns to the team, they are expected to change their name to the Asteroids."

Note: Jen had no entries in the March and April WYOJ contests. Also, there is no record remaining of the first WYOJ contest held last September. (Yes, the Greg Oden one.) I did not delete it, so evidently a higher power made that call. In any event, I don't know whether Jen had any submissions chosen that month. Though I'm sure if she entered, she would have.