Josh Q. Public: You ain't seen nothin' yet. B-b-b-baby, you just ain't seen n-n-nothin' yet. Here's something that you never gonna forget. B-b-b-baby, you just ain't seen n-n-nothin' yet. -Bachman Turner Overdrive
Public Service Announcement: OK here we go! Everbody's LeBronning. Everybody, myself included, is Red Sox/Yankeeing. There's a whole big world out there. I see trees of green...red roses too. I see ‘em bloom...for me and for you. And I think to myself...what a wonderful world. What a wonderful baseball world. Baseball. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. So who's marking time now? Who's clocking Gs now? Who makes the All So Far Team?
C: Back to the grill again. The grill again. Back on top. On top of the world looking down creation. Victor Martinez. Maybe some time at first has helped. Whatever the case, Martinez has found his way back to being the best hitting catcher in baseball. Switch hitting his way back. Switch hitting to a homerun every sixteen at bats. Back from last season's total of thirty six. Twelve bombs. Fifty RBIs. Batting 316. Too bad he can't play the Tigers everyday. He hit his twelfth ding of the season on yesterday against Deetroit, and six of them have come against the Tigers. He's grrrreat!
1B: I wanted so badly to give this to the Greek of Walks. Youk! Youk! Youk! Alas, I cannot. First base goes to Cecil's boy. A prince among men. Bigger than Big Ben. Doing it again and again. Prince Fielder. This past week alone, Prince went eight for twenty-three. This past week alone, Prince hit four bombs, bringing his NL leading total to nineteen on the season. His fourth inning homerun yesterday was his thirteenth in May. His fourth inning homerun yesterday set a new team record for home runs in a month. His fourth inning homerun yesterday puts him on pace to hit more than fifty home runs for the season.
2B: Second verse, same as the first. Same as it's going to be for a long time. Chase Utley. Wanna see what a baseball player looks like? Look at Chase Utley. You gotta look sharp. You gotta look sharp. And you gotta have no illusions. Just keep going your way looking over your shoulder. Last year, he was chasing DiMaggio. This year, everybody's chasing him. Oh, he's been flying... mama, there ain't no denyin'. He's been flying, ain't no denyin', no denyin'. No Denyin' he is the best second baseman in all of baseball.
3B: Mike Lowell. That's right. I said it. Mike Lowell. The Most Valuable Player on the best team on the planet has to be here. Has to. I don't care about A-Broad's April. I don't care about A-Broad's heroics last night. Give me Mike Lowell. Give Me the Red Sox leader in RBIs. Give me the Red Sox leader in home runs. Give Me the Red Sox leader in slugging. Give me a Gold Glove caliber fielder. Give me liberty or give me death. Give me Mike Lowell.
SS: Jose can you see? Can you see the stealenest ball player around? Jose Reyes. No one else even close. Makes everyone else look like they're wearing support hose. Leading the league around by the nose. Leading the National League in triples. Triple trouble. If You. If You. Wanna Know. Wanna Know. The real deal about the three. Well let me tell you, we're triple trouble ya'll. We're gonna bring you up to speed. Jose Reyes will bring you up to speed. Not a better lead-off hitter in all the land. Not one I tell you. Not a better shortstop either.
LF: Very close. Neck and neck. Toe to toe. Could go either way. But I'm getting on my hobby horse and voting for El Caballo. I'm voting for Carlos Lee. I'm voting for Carlos Lee over Matt Holliday. I'll be your huckleberry. Carlos lee will be your huckleberry. He'll be your huckleberry knocking in more runs than anybody. Knocking in more runs in a line-up that has no one who deserves to be knocked in. Knock Knock. Who's there? Carlos Lee, mother ****. That's who!
CF: You saw him on the cover of Sports Illustrated. You saw him open the season on a roll. You gotta roll with it. You gotta take your time. You gotta say what you say. Don't let anybody get in your way. Grady Sizemore didn't let anybody get in his way. Hitting four bombs in his first six games. Yowza! Hit a three run inside the park homerun too. Electric boogaloo. More fun than a boxing kangaroo.
RF: Magglio Ordonez. See Uh Oh Mango.
SP: Jake Peavy. See Dixie Cannonball.
CL: Coco. Not to be confused with Coco Crisp. Not to be confused with Coco B. Ware. Francisco Cordero. Milwaukee Brewers. Leading the majors in saves. Leading the majors in saves with a ridiculous .39 ERA. Leading the majors in saves with a ridiculous .60 WHIP. Leading the majors in saves with a ridiculous 12.73 Ks/Nine innings. Throws hard. That's his calling card. Throws a nasty, filthy, disgusting slider. Named the most outstanding relief pitcher during the month April. Should have gotten every month. He's that good.
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!