Met-aphorically Speaking

Au revoir, Moises.

Toodle-doo Alou.

No matter how nice we phrase it, this past weekend’s developments only signal one thing — Moises Alou needs to leave the NY Mets organization immediately, taking his crutches, calcium supplements, 400 pages of hospital bills, and an endless supply of injury excuses with him. In other words…

Hit the bricks.

No player in Mets’ history has cost more — per game — than Moises Alou. This is saying a lot, considering the organization also employs Ramon Castro and Pedro Martinez, and is probably still paying Mo Vaughn. A CT scan of Alou’s left ankle on Friday provided “inconclusive results,” except for one — Moises is still hurt, still exceedingly fragile, and absolutely worthless to a team paying him to rehab. Dollars aside, his absence is also costing the Mets a lot of opportunities to drive in runs.

Sure, the man was technically sound and productive when he was healthy last year. No, I’ll go one better — the man was good…when he was on the **** field. Saying he was the Mets’ best hitter when he wasn’t injured is like saying George W. Bush is the best US President since the last one. It means nothing, especially when the team is leaving small armies of men on the bags each and every inning.

Minaya stressed that Alou wants to play, despite the pain, but that the club decided to once again nurse his gimpy leg. The possibility of a fracture was mentioned only after Minaya had spoken of Alou’s willingness to play, meaning that once again, Minaya is now forced to justify his track record of employing players who are on the decline, overrated, or just plain old. Sure, we have Beltran and Santana, but who else has contributed since Omar opened the floodgates of cash?

Anyone? I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over these crickets.

The Mets think that the fracture is actually a delayed result of an injury from 1993, when a stiff breeze knocked Alou into a gap on some Astroturf. In reality, this was Omar saying, “We knew he was hurt when we first signed him, but now we’re blaming a mystery ailment from 15 years ago.” As much as Omar wants to cover his ass, we all know that the Mets really should have invested in getting Xavier Nady, or a comparable player, instead of handing over another few million to Alou.

I don’t care how productive Moises is when he’s on the field. It means nothing when he’s a ghost while the Mets flounder around .500, struggling to bring runs home in close games. Angel Pagan has done a great job, and now warrants keeping his position for the remainder of the year. F-Mart is getting closer to contributing as well. If Omar is smart, he’ll cut his losses and beg Alou to buy out and retire. It would save the Mets some cash, and maybe some pride as well.

Of course, this will probably just turn into another extension for Moises, who has mastered the art of looking like a team player while successfully bleeding any organization willing to pay him. In my opinion, no one that valuable ever wears as many uniforms as Alou has in his closet.

Moises, be a man, accept your shortcomings, and call it a day. The Mets no longer need your false promises and excuses. They just need to see your ass walking out the door so someone tougher than a four-year old girl can contribute.



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