FanNation

Let's be clear about two things: the only team I really cared about in this year's draft was the Baltimore Ravens and the only reason I wanted to watch any of it was to see those big, buff football players all dressed up. I have such a soft spot in my heart for hot athletes and attractive well-dressed men, so if the fact that it was the most football I'd be getting for a couple more months wasn't enough to get me to tune in, the eye candy made it a worthy event.

Baltimore's big win (at least for now) was grabbing Delaware's Joe Flacco. This made me happy if only because it meant they didn't draft Chad Henne; if they had, I may have needed a new team to follow.

Like a lot of people, I still don't know much about Joe Flacco. I've seen the grainy shot of his uber-long pass that looks like it was shot from a camera mounted on the international space station. I saw part of the interview with a local Bmore station. From this, I've gathered that Mr. Flacco is tall, dark, and potentially attractive. I did a Google Image search but couldn't dig up any glamour shots so his hotness, as well as his talent and ability to perform in the NFL, is still undetermined.

I will say this: he looks like a better fit that golden boy Matt Ryan. Don't get me wrong - I love the guy to bits, but he looked like the big brother from Leave It To Beaver, a little too squeaky clean for the Ravens (sadly, because I had a huge crush on Wally Cleaver growing up and I wouldn't mind watching Ryan every week).

But back to the main man, Mr. Flacco. He seemed a little stiff in front of the camera; hopefully he'll be a little more at ease and in command on the field. I wasn't so impressed until he answered a question about his weaknesses with "I'm not going to tell you that I have any." That's what I like to hear, baby, but next time, say it with some confidence instead of that (admittedly adorable) shy smile. All eyes are on you, the new star QB, so you better own it.

And because they were big reasons I tuned in (that, and ESPN was on at the gym), here's my take on the top five.

1. Jake Long looked adorable, you know, as much as a 6'7", 313 offensive tackle can look. I've said it before and I'll say it again: it never stops being weird to see such dimples on such a big guy. But I could look at him all day.

2. Chris Long was a fave of mine the last two years at UVA but as good as he looked on Saturday, I was not such a fan. His face is simply too chiseled and handsome (Eliot Spitzer cheekbones anyone??) and he just seemed a little too sharp for his own good. My guess, based only on his looks, is that he could get away with more locker room pranks than anyone else drafted.

3. Matt Ryan looked like he was waiting to take Marcia Brady on a date, shy, sweet, a little nervous. See above.

4. Darren McFadden. I'm so over him.

5. Glenn Dorsey was one of my favorite characters off the LSU team this year, and there were a lot of characters playing for LSU this year. Such charisma! Every time I see him - not including when he was injured/frustrated with not being able to play/in pain - he just looks like he's having the best time. If I had to do something really unappealing, he's the guy I'd want standing next to me, because I bet he'd at least make it bearable. Not to mention that he is one fine looking man. He's probably three times the size of me, but he's still one good looking man.