The Yankees are doubling the price of tickets for the All Star Game to be held at Yankee Stadium this year. They need the money. Phil Hughes admitted he can't see, which is very bad in a starting pitcher, so the Yanks bought him a seeing-eye dog, but Chien-Ming Wang ate it. Now they're buying Hughes night vision goggles to use during the day. Last night in Detroit ex-Yank Gary Sheffield hit one of Hughes' pitches out of the park, and Hughes is still wandering around the parking lot looking for the ball. He was joined there by Joba Chamberlain, who is still trying to get the flies out of his eyes from last fall's playoff game in Clevelend.
Meantime, when the Pope said mass at Yankee Stadium, they put the altar at second base, but nobody told Shelly Duncan, so he slid into the Pope and spiked him in the thigh. All the Cardinals came pouring out of the dugout swinging bats and the Spanish Inquisition ran in from the bullpen, where they were warming up, and they beat the spit out of the Yankees.
A-Rod announced a naming auction for his new baby daughter, and when the big money heard about it they jumped right in. The kid will be called Citibank Virgin-Atlantic Rodriguez.