FanNation

Elmer's Glue announces sponsorship of 2009 Kentucky Derby

Roger Clemens denies having sex with 15 year old girl, said it started at age 12 and ended by age 14.

Kobe Crowned MSP (Most Selfish Player)

Marvin Harrison says, "Reason for shooting to increase his blackness level."
Tired of being perceived amongst his peers as being soft and "not that black", Marvin Harrison shot his custom-made Belgian gun seven times.  Harrison said, "Maybe now the corners that lineup against me won't call me soft for not goin over the middle and going down to avoid tackles.  Hopefully they will stop calling me Wayne Chrebet."

Ozzie Guillen threatens lineup shake-up; bats blow-up dolls 3 and 4.
In a bold move to try and keep up with Tiger's manager Jim Leyland, Ozzie Guillen told reporters today that he lans on batting the much talked about blow-up dolls 3 and 4 in their lineup tonight against the Twins.  Ozzie said, "Hey, no one else on our team is hitting, at least these broads have the perfect place to hold a bat."

Joel Anthony crowned Least Valuable Player (LVP)
The award comes from the team with the worst record in basketball and goes to the player with the least amount of points on that team.  Said Joel, "Hey, it's an award.  It still beats playing in the D-League or over in Italy."