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EDGAR:...All I'm saying, if that's true you're totally Jennifer Aniston at least you have a career to fall back on, I'm like Matt Le Blanc, all I have is a monkey movie.

BS: Yeah but the monkey movie you did is only on the internet and not really anything anyone could watch without throwing up

EDGAR: I got more hits than "Josh, Dan, and a cup"-- Oh crap, we're on.

BS: Wow I guess I'm used to two red lights, not just the one.  Have to get used to doing this show sober

EDGAR: Good Day Amigos, and welcome to The Friday Debates Down Under, I am Edgar Von Awesome...

BS: And I'm Jennifer Anniston

EDGAR Please, you don't have the rack, and trust me you don't look as good naked-- wait...

BS: How do you...

Josh: Guys we have to get the show going

EDGAR: Right, sorry boss. 

BS: Since when does he care that we do the show a certain way?

EDGAR: New advertisers.  They wanted us to clean it up.

BS: Ahh, well I guess that works.  So who is it now? Jack Daniels? Sam Adams? Miller? I hope it isn't Miller.

EDGAR: No, apparently our demographic is skewing slightly younger... They're bringing in Huggies... Oh, and no more chauvanism... Josh cut a deal with Revlon, they thought we could use an image makeover-- HA! Makeover! Man, I am so cut out to be a pitch guy...

BS: Wow really? So no more free booze? I was wondering why Josh wasn't passed out yet.

Josh: (from the production booth) Enough, you guys need to start talking sports.  If we lose this money we lose the new studio.

EDGAR: Damn sponsors... who needs a studio...

BS: Well, since we did one show while I was passed out in a ditch, I'll say we do.

DAN: Guys Josh is getting REALLY pissed, you may want to talk about something sports pretty quick before he starts thowing a fit.

BS: Throwing a fit, really?

EDGAR: I kind of wanna see that...

BS: yeah, what is he 2 years old or something?


 (A box of makeup flies through the air hitting edgar directly in the face.)


Josh: Love, your sponsor.

BS: Ok, so yeah. Brandon Webb, you think he can win 30 games?

EDGAR: Who's Brandon Weeble? CRAP!  My drain is bamaged!


(Josh throws another box of makeup at Edgar)


EDGAR: Better!

BS: I think you are bleeding a little bit.  Anyway, Brandon Webb...

EDGAR: Webb is a fantastic pitcher on a fantastic team. I can't recall a time that a pitcher with his kind of talent on a team as good as the Diamondbacks has had a start like this.  If anyone is going to do it again, it will be Brandon Webb and it will have to be this year.

BS: I just can't see a team staying hot for EVERY start a Pitcher makes. Not to mention he has to give ALL solid outings one slip up and this is only a dream.

EDGAR: You're absolutely right.  In an era of the five man rotation, there is almost no way a pitcher can get to 30 wins.  Brandon Webb will get 35 starts this year, likely.  That means he's only got five no decisions or losses.  And you have to take into count the anemic Arizona offense who isn't going to give him great run support all year.  However, what he does have in favor is a great bullpen who is going to take his games the rest of the way on most occasions.  Is it GOING to happen?  No.  If it is ever going to happen again, this right here is the best chance for it.

BS: I wouldn't even say that this is the best chance. I would say that an Ace on an AL team with a High Powered offense would be the best oppertunity to win 30. Think about it, even if Webb has gone 7 strong in a 2-2 game, when his spot in the order comes up they will HAVE to pinch hit for him, his day is over.

EDGAR: You're absolutely right.  But what Webb is doing right now is not the norm.  He has won all eight of his starts.  I don't care who you are or what team you're on, that's not supposed to happen.  EVEN if he were pitching for the Yankees he wouldn't have a shot at this kind of start, for two reasons.  One, the AL lineups are stacked.  They have the extra game changing power hitter in the DH spot, it helps, I don't care what you wanna argue.  Second, Webb is arguably the best pitcher in baseball, and he has behind him the best bullpen in baseball.  THAT is why he has the best shot.  If the D'backs can continue to get him three or four runs a night, he will break 25 wins, and may even sniff 30. 

BS: He is a great Pitcher, I mean to argue otherwise would be silly. But I wouldn't invest too much thought into hot starts. I mean lets not go out and buy Tampa Bay Rays playoff ticketts just yet. Not to mention that the D-Bags, I mean Backs, I have scored the most runs of ANY team thus far into the season. So do you really see that trend holding up until the end of September?

EDGAR: No.  Theres less chance of this offense holding up then there is Cliff Lee winning a Cy Young.  But still, Major League players have a sense for the historic, they really do.  It's why when a pitcher is working on a No-Hitter you see so many great plays, the team wants that No-hitter just as much.  Webb wins a few more in a row here, and all of a sudden the team is united around one goal...

BS: Ok I'll give you that, but lets get back to this issue when he sniffs 25+ wins

EDGAR: Deal, let's move on.  Red Sox Vs. Twins this weekend... is there a possibility that this is a playoff preview?

BS: I'm going to say no.  The Twins are hot right now, and by hot I mean they have a record that would be good for 3rd place in ANY other division in the MLB. Sure they are leading now, but for them to win out the AL Central would be pretty much saying the AL Central is the worst division in baseball. Don't invest too much into a 17-16 team as a playoff team this early.

EDGAR: I'll say yes.  The Twins are a better team than I or anyone else expected.  This isn't just any "hot" team.  Gardenhire is perhaps the smartest coach in baseball and he has consistently gotten the most out of average talent.  On top of that what have we got in the Central?  The White Sox are showing decent pitching but are again struggling to put runs on the board and lost seven in a row at one point.  The Tigers suprised all the morons by proving to all the smart people that they have no pitching, and they're offense is overrated.  The Indians top two starters are looking like they should be the four and five in the rotation.  If it wasn't for Cliff Lee the Indians would be hanging out with the Tigers.  The Twins have some pitching, they have some hitting, and they have the best manager in baseball.  Okay, go ahead and tell me how great Cox is. yeah, I went there....

BS: I still think 1 game over .500 and a one game lead in May is not a team sitting in a position to even start THINKING playoffs less yet start talking playoffs.

EDGAR: We're about a fifth of the way through the season.  I would say we have a decent chunk to start analyzing these teams, and the Central doesn't look strong.  But fine, you name it... bona fide, guaranteed playoff team that is not currently holding a division lead.

BS: Well again to say playoffs for a team hovering just above of just below .500 is crazy. If I'm looking at the teams right now I say that the Marlins and Twins are the two current division leaders that will NOT be playoff teams in 08.  But, I mean the Braves are on a seven game win streak, and the best home team in baseball—

EDGAR: And worst road team.

BS: Doesn’t matter.  They’ll get better.  Just watch.

EDGAR: So, the Braves are a playoff team?

BS: I would say they have the potential to win a lot of games, they’re pitching has been fantastic this year, and Chipper Jones is batting over .400 right now--

EDGAR: You’re avoiding the question...  Give me a straight answer.

BS: You couldn't give me a straight answer if Rachel McAdams was here.

EDGAR: I'm not sure I get what you mean...

BS: Sure you don't...

EDGAR: You don't wanna talk about it anymore, why don't I tell you about my night last night, IT WAS CRAZY You won’t even believe it…

BS: Well, knowing you I think I’d believe it, but the new sponsors might not want to hear some drunken tale of 300 Pound strippers, a trip to Mexico and something to do with a donkey and a water balloon.

EDGAR: Did you follow me?!

BS: Okay, before this show digresses into a cesspool of Edgar’s ramblings, I think it’s time to wrap it up.

EDGAR: (picking up a box of tampax) Hey, BS, look at this they have your picture on it!  “Ever since I lost the balls to give a bold answer, I use Tampax.”


(BS punches Edgar in the face, knocking to the floor.)


BS:  How’s that for a bold answer…  That’s all the time we have for this weeks folks.  We’re introducing a new feature to our show next week, Huggies’ Down Under FanMails.  If you have any crap you wanna send to us, questions, comments, etc. FanMail Edgar or I, and yours may be read on-air.  Anything you wanna add, Edgar?


(Edgar makes an inaudible groan.)

BS: Well, for Edgar Von Awesome, I am BS Chwartz.  This has been the Friday Debate from Down Under.  Thanks for joining us, hope to see you all next week.  (To Edgar) I think you dropped a tooth over there.


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