Met-aphorically Speaking
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For all the news that’s fit to spit, we bring you the New York Mets. Let’s recap what’s been going on, and what’s to come:

– Yesterday, Carlos Delgado was involved in a car accident on the Long Island Expressway. Though all other cars on the road had cleared the three left lanes, Carlos still managed to hit someone on an exit ramp.

– The Mets had a communal dinner following the game, but no one could finish what was on their plates. When asked about this poor dining performance, Willie Randolph said, “We battled. We fought hard, but didn’t get it done. We’ll be ready for tomorrow.”

– Since I started writing this, Billy Wagner has expressed his frustration by pointing a finger at two more teammates, a new race and one obscure sexual orientation.

– Noah Webster was in attendance yesterday. He claimed he was updating the terms, “mediocre,” “disappointment,” “sad,” and “Christ, these **** are killing me.”

– Upon arriving at his midtown apartment late last night, Carlos Beltran got caught napping by the potted plant near the elevator, and was doubled up by his doorman.

– Johan Santana had no comment.

– Orlando “El Duque” Hernandez saw doctors in NYC to have his walking boot removed. One hour later he was in a full body cast, being fed through a tube. He is still confident he will be ready to return sometime next month.

– Tonight begins the first half of the annual Subway Series in NYC. Now that Jeff Morris of Kew Gardens has moved his family upstate, it’s official — no one in New York City gives a **** about the Subway Series.

Enjoy the weekend, folks. Hopefully the Mets will do something a little more newsworthy in the process.

 

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