FanNation - The Republic of Sport

{Producer on side counting down...}
"And we're on in Five, Four, Three, Two : GO!"

Tracy : Good DAYYYY Fannation ! Welcome to the show. We invite you to grab a chair, sit back and put your feet up and put your hands together for the very first show of "We Asked and You're Gonna Regret It!" I'm joined by my co-hostess KP, and together, we will fill you in on all dirt.

KP : Well, not like the dirt under their nails though right? I really don't need to know how that got there (checking latest manicure). People who don't care for their cuticles really have no place on this show. Nail health is part of overall health ya know.

Tracy : <chuckle>  "So right KP! We're talking the down and dirty, the nitty gritty, the wayyy down low - on everything. Nothing is sacred to us. Absolutely nothing."

KP : <Turning to pick something up behind her seat> "You mean like this Trace?" <KP Flashes a poster sized photo of Lil Wound >

Tracy : <Tracy looks at photo and smirks> "Why exactly KP! Tell us, where on earth did you get that delicious photo?

KP : "Let's just say - I have People-.. I AM from New England after all" <puts poster down>

Tracy : "Well , what do you say we get our first guest out here KP?"

KP : "All for it Tracy ! People , give a big round of applause to .. wait, WAIT ! I have a joke first !

Tracy : "Alright KP.. Go ahead" <looking patiently and indulgently at KP>

KP " OK OK.. ready? How many pillows does it take Donovan McNabb to fall asleep?"

Tracy : <eyebrows raised, smirking> "Gee KP? How Many Pillows does it take for Mr. McNabb to fall asleep?"

KP : "Um Tracy, you're killing my joke if you're gonna be all respectful and stuff and call him Mr. McNabb.. Can't you just call him McReHab or even Chunky?"

Tracy : "Sorry, but my parents taught me to respect those less fortunate than I am. Go ahead."

KP " Well for the love of God, I cant give the punchline now ! He sounds like a poor indigent homeless guy. I feel like sending him a check from my kids college fund now." <pouting>

Tracy : "KP. KP. Calm. Find your inner you. Lets start again OK ? You asked How Many Pillows does it take for Mr. McNabb..."

KP : "See? you did it again ! you said Mr McNabb ! The joke stinks if you dont say DONOVAN McNabb"

Tracy : <looking at audience with a quiet understanding gaze>.. OK KP, How many pillows does it take for *cough-mister* DONOVAN McNabb to fall asleeep...?

KP : <perking up> "None, he just needs a football in his hands" Get it ? Huh? People don't get it do they? They're thinking McNabb is on some Serta Sleep Number thing right? Oh well, it was funny.
Trust me, go back and read the joke without the adlib ! "

Tracy : "And that brings us to our first guest KP"

KP : "Right you are Trace ! <looks furiously at script> Put your hands together for...."

Tracy :Lil Wound, The King of the Wombats!

LW: <walks out and takes a seat> "Thank you thank you, now ladies bow down to your King!" <looks out at the audience and smiles>

KP: "Ha! Like THAT is ever gonna happen. If he's a King then I have Tom Brady locked up in my basement."

Lw: "You have Tom Brady locked up in your basement? Sweet!" <Looks at KP admiringly> "Remember to release him before training camp. Or not. "

Tracy: <Glances at Kp, who is blushing furiously> "Okaay. Now that we have established that Lil Wound is indeed a King,we want to thank you for being a guest on our very first show of,"You asked, and your gonna regret it!"" 

LW: "You will and your welcome, my dear little Brady nappers."

Tracy: "Hey, I didn't know anything about it! <whispers to KP> We need to talk about you holding out on me, later."

KP: "I know nothing!"

LW: "Uh huh, and I'm not a King."

Tracy: "But you are a..never mind. KP and I heard a rumor that an attempt was recently made on your life. Any truth to this?"

LW: "My loyal and faithless subjects on FanNation either love me or want to kill me. It's the price I must pay for being a King and so devastatingly handsome, you know."

KP: <In disbelief> "Wait! Hold up! I want names of people who love you,wombat!"

LW: "You know you want to lock me up in your basement when you release your Brady toy, dont try to deny it, I can see it in your eyes!"

KP: <Lunges for wombats throat>

Tracy: "KP, is that any way to treat a guest on our first show?  Think happy thoughts!"

LW: "Think about having some of this Wombat love!" <Blows a kiss at KP>

KP: <Tries to control breathing and slowly counts to ten>

Tracy: "Lil Wound, can you tell us who attempted to murder you?"

LW: "The events of that horrible night are kind of hazy.."

KP: <Turns to audience> "Let me translate that for you all. He means he was sh**faced."

Tracy: "Now didnt that feel better than choking him?"

KP: <quizzical look on face> "Nope. Not really. Can't say that it did"

LW: <Scoots closer to Tracy>

Tracy: "Can you tell us what you do remember, King?"

LW: "I remember waking up with dirt in my mouth and hearing a dog panting."

KP: <Smirking> "Sounds like DT's to me."

Tracy: <Smiles knowingly at KP> "How did you get dirt in your mouth, Lil Wound?"

LW: "Thats King Lil Wound to you, and apparently my would be murderers buried me in a shallow grave. Thankfully Mr. Callahan was walking his faithful dog and IB4E was able to track the trail of blood and beer and rescue me. They are now officially the Kings bodyguard !" 

KP: <Says dryly while rolling eyes> "Remind me to thank them the next time I see them."
 
Tracy: "Thats terrible,Lil Wound. I'm so glad your alright."

LW: "As glad as I was when the Patriots lost the Superbowl?"

Tracy: <Narrows eyes. Glares at Lil Wound>

KP: <jumping to feet> "Can I choke him now, huh huh??"

LW: "You know you want this!"
 
Tracy: <Says hurriedly> "Well thats all the time we have for today and thanks again to the King of the Wombats for stopping by our very first edition of, "We Asked and You're Gonna Regret It!"

LW: "The pleasure's been all yours and believe me, They do."

KP: "Cut! Stop the tape!"

LW: "Thats what Bill should have said to Matt Walsh."

Tracy: "Wait!" <Covers camera lens with hand, turns to KP - whispers > "Kill him."