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Entire Cubs team gets Alyssa Milano's phone number, then loses it

(Chicago, IL) - The Chicago Cubs, in yet another futile attempt to come through in the clutch, have admitted they really choked in their latest pressure situation...losing out on actress Alyssa Milano's phone number.

Milano, who was in town recently to promote her latest film that nobody will watch, was at a local club one night when various members of the Cubs approached. "She was great," said outfielder Matt Murton. "Really nice, really sociable...and she tried to give me her phone number. I was so excited." Little did Murton know...the Cubs entire team was trying to get it the entire night.

"She must really love baseball players," said infielder Ryan Theriot. "She started with our starting lineup, and then on to the bench guys, just mowing us down. I'd never seen anything like it." Bar patrons witnessed Milano trying to give her phone number to all 25 Cubs players, bench coach Alan Trammell, the bullpen catcher, 4 members of the grounds crew, and Ronnie Woo Woo. "Wooooo, Cubs, Woooo, Milano, Woooo, t&a, Woooo Cubs, Wooo ???, Wooo ??????" said Ronnie, or so we think.


Alyssa Milano shows her love for the Cubs. We love her too.



Unfortunately, none of the Cubs could seal the deal. "She threw me a napkin with her number up in the air, but I dropped it and it got lost on the dance floor," said Murton.

"She told me all I had to do was hit a row of beer cans with a ball in 4 chances, but I couldn't," said Scott Eyre.

"She tossed it to me on a coaster outside the club, but it slipped between my legs and into a sewer grate," stated catcher Michael Barrett. "It sucked."

"She held it out right in front of me, but I just couldn't make contact with it," according to outfielder Jacque Jones.

"I have a sore groin, so I had to go on her disabled list," said an unhappy Aramis Ramirez.

Even slugger Alfonso Soriano struck out by the end of the night. "It was right there for me, but I couldn't get my ridiculously heavy arm around in time to grab it," said the incredibly depressed Soriano.

Rumors that Milano was spotted awaking in an alley between Addison and Shieffield to the repeated sounds of "Wooo AWESOME, Wooo AMAZING, Wooo MAKE ME SOME GUTTER PANCAKES" are unconfirmed as of today. We will keep you posted.

To read other wonderfully insightful articles like this, visit us at www.cubsbrickyard.com.  

In case it isn't painfully obvious, this is a PARODY news publication, so accounts and quotes are FICTIONAL. The Cubs didn't actually have a chance with Alyssa Milano...but we sure hope that we do. No one should construe this fake article as being fact. Additionally, any similarity between this and other publications is entirely coincidental. Don't sue. We don't have money anyway. Complaints taken at koz@bricksandivyradio.com.)